Promise To A Stardust (Published Under Flutter Fic)
Kabanata 11
Kabanata 11
MOTHER: Laureen Valencia Lopez
Father: Ignacio Lopez
I sighed when I finished Riu's online enrolment. I spent the whole morning going through Caspian's recommended list and heck, it was pricey but I've saved enough. Riu deserved it. Saka nasabi ni Caspian na naka-discount ang tuition kaya 'di ako nahirapang mamili at pasok sa budget.
"Done, babe?" Nag-angat ako ng tingin, hindi maiwasang pasadahan ng tingin ang itsura niya.
He's very hot. Freshly bath, freshly shaved, and well groomed. He's wearing an emerald green dress shirt folded up to his forearm. Slacks, polished black shoes, and a necktie to complete his overall look.
"Babe?" He called when he saw me gawking.
"O-oh..." I shook my head. "You look handsome."
His lip twitched. My heart made a quick jump when he strode closer to me, sat beside me for a kiss.
"Morning, too, beautiful." Pinaulanan niya ako ng halik.
I smiled. Sumandal ako at hinayaan siyang nakayakap sa 'kin, naglalambing.
He smelled good. A mix of his natural scent and the faint aftershave he used. Hinaplos ko ang buhok niya at pinagmasdan siya.
"Are you sure you're just Wave's proxy?" I asked. Lumingon siya at ngumuso, tumatango sa akin. "You looked more like a CEO in the get up, Cas. Para kang magsasara ng malaking deal."
"Gano'n talaga kapag gwapo, Reev,"
Sumimangot ako. Tumawa siya.
"Bango-bango mo," ungot niya. "What if I won't go and we'll just stay here together? Cuddle-cuddle tapos–"
"Tama na ang kabastusan." I flicked his forehead. "You had a job to do. Meanwhile, I'm resting. Pinayagan akong off today."
"Ako rin, I'll announce na off ko–"
"Baliw, kaya ka nga nandito sa Maynila at nautusan ka ni Wave. Thought you needed some extra cass? Then you'll bail? Naku, baka 'di ka bigyan ng sideline niyan!"
Napaisip pa siya. "Nag-isip pa nga?"
He pouted. "Ang hirap talaga kumita ng pera. Hayaan mo, Reev, pang-date naman natin 'to."
Kinaltukan ko na. Tuwang-tuwa na naman siya. Sometimes, I can't believe he's this soft and clingy. Kapag kasi titignan mo siya, lalo na if naka-business suit ay mukhang intimidating at strict pero kabaligtaran pala.
He's expressive and very transparent.
"Pina-downpayment ko na si Wave sa sideline na 'to, how 'bout a date?" He shot his brow up.
"Date?" Ngumuso ako at pinaraan ang daliri sa kilay niya, natatawa nang parang natutunaw na dumausdos siya pahiga sa hita ko.
"Opo. Date, in a good resto. May reservation na ako–"
"Wow, huh?" I cackled. "Nag-aaya ka pa lang mag-date tapos may reservation ka na?"
"Advance nga kasi 'ko mag-isip, mahal." Tinuro niya ang sentido. "Inaaya pa lang kita mag-date, utak ko do'n na sa hinuhubaran kita after date." He wiggled his brows playfully.
Kinurot ko na! Init na init na ang mukha ko! 'Di siya matigil sa tawa at lumalayo sa kuko ko.
"Reev!"
"Hindi ka pa ba kontento, ah? Pinapak mo na nga ang balat ko!"
"Oh, sorry." He smiled, unashamed. "'Di naman makikita 'yan, Reev–"
"I have one on my neck! Pati sa hita!" I scolded. "Ikalma mo, nakarami ka na kagabi!"
"Oh, sorry, did I make you sore?" he asked gently, and yet I heard the malice in it!
I glared at him. Mas pinalambing niya ang mata, kunwari'y concern pero 'di na rin naitago ang pagsilay ng ngiti. Tumili ako sa kahihiyan.
"I tried my best to be gentle," he tried to calm me down.
"Well, Sir, you didn't try enough!"
"Hmm, it's hard." He smirked. "Lalo na kapag ganyan kaganda tapos mahal na mahal mo? Hell, babe. If you ask me to kneel for you, luluhod ako."
"Ang landi!" Kunwari'y inarte ko pero nagustuhan din ang sinabi niya.
We're both a mess, that's the truth. A part of me believes he loves me like he claims to be. I felt it but we're both complicated. We're probably just using each other for distraction.
There he has with an unfinished part of his past and I do, too, and yet we loved each other's presence and... this is an obvious red flag waving in front of my face but I guess... color blind ako.
"Namumutla ka," pansin niya na sumeryoso. "Ilang beses ko bang kailangang ipaalala sa 'yong kumain sa tamang oras? Pinapadalhan kita, ah? Did you receive the meal I sent yesterday?"
"Opo."
"And did you eat it?"
I paused.
"You didn't," I heard the strain.
"I'm trying, Cas. Pero alam mo naman ang trabaho ko, I'm a nurse so patient comes first. Lalo na understaff ang ospital ngayon kaya doble kayod."
"I have nothing against that, babe," malumanay niyang sagot. "I was just worried because your health should come first. Sige nga, paanong maaalagaan mo ang pasyente kung ikaw mismo nauna pang ma-confine?"
Nakagat ko ang labi.
"See?" He sighed. "H'wag gano'n, Reev. Isipin mo, 'di na lang ang pasyente ang may kailangan sa 'yo. You have Riu..."
Natahimik ako.
"Kung mahirap kang pakiusapan para sa sarili mo, isipin mo na lang 'yong bulilit. What do you think he'd feel if he sees you neglecting yourself? Your health?"
"I'm sorry..." I sighed.
Naupo na siya at sinapo ang mukha ko.
"Kapag oras ng kain, kakain ng tama. Matutulog ng tama. Iwasan ang maraming kape. Kapag inaantok ka sa graveyard, tawagan mo lang ako. Mag-iingay ako ro'n sa ospital, aaliwin kita. Kung gusto mo, kantahan pa kita. 'Di pa rin kaya ng kanta? Sasayawan kita, may giling pang kasama. Do we have an agreement?" Caspian asked.
'Di ko alam kung matatawa ako o mata-touch. I nodded.
"Alright, Cas. Thank you, for your concern... and love,"
"I will take care of you and Riu. I will protect you with my life, do you understand?"
Naguguluhan man ay tumango ako at nagpaubaya sa yakap niya.
"We're more than just common friends, aren't we?" I asked. I felt him stiffen. I pulled away, staring at him. "Tell me. I won't get mad,"
Pain, grief, and fear sparked in his eyes. He looked bothered.
"R-Reev..."
"I won't get mad, Cas," I reassured.
His eyes evaded mine.
"Yes," he breathed.
"Did we...have an intimate relationship before? Like this?" I asked. Napatitig siya sa mga mata ko, tila binabasa ko.
A part of me wished na sana hindi... na sana wala at nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang umiling siya at nag-iwas ng tingin.
"No..." he answered. "W-why, does it matter if we had one?"
Umiling ako. He glanced at me.
"Nothing, I just want to prove that some dreams are just a fragment of my imagination, and because of your confirmation, parte nga lang siguro ang ilan."
"Why?"
"I dreamt of you last night," I confessed. Napaayos siya ng upo.
"You did?"
"I usually don't see faces in my dreams but I saw yours last night." Hindi siya nakaimik. "It's weird pero nakahinga ako ng maluwag no'ng sinabi mong wala."
He looked confused but didn't ask as if he knew I wouldn't tell.
The truth was, I feel better because we didn't. Meaning, he's out of question from the man in my dreams, the father of my child.
The man who abandoned us because if it was him? Hindi ko alam, hindi ko matatanggap.
I let him embrace me. "I'm sorry for keeping things from you. I don't want you to get hurt but I'll help you remember. I promise,"
"Okay, but Cas...?"
"Yes?"
"You're a driver, right?" I asked. He nodded.
"Yes," he answered. "I am."
"Thank you, for being truthful, I muttered and rested my face on his chest, hoping everything would get better.
I still think of it on my way to the hospital. In my dreams, I was making love with Caspian. In a balcony under the stars but it's probably just my daydreams of him–wet dreams pa nga siguro.
I still couldn't grasp my head around it.
Casa Amara had a lot of secrets. Who was Cheska and the man she's with? Who was the Caspian in my dreams? Still imagination or a memory? Was it true I lost a child? Who was that nurse Caspian was talking about?
Hibang na nga siguro ko't may parte sa 'king iniisip na ako iyon pero hindi p'wede. Caspian can't be the man in my dreams, he can't be the father of my child.
He's perfect! I knew he would never abandon us. There's just no way! Ni hindi ko masikmurang isipin 'yon.
Isa pa, there was someone else in my dream earlier when I slept after Cas left. I dreamt of a man with black eyes beside me and I was on the bed, crying. I was screaming bloody murder and hitting him repeatedly while he was trying to console me.
Nasapo ko ang ulo, mas gulong-gulong sa panibagong tao sa panaginip. 'Di ko na talaga alam.
Caspian wasn't the like to abandon or hurt me. He's an angel. He's the man any woman could ever hope for. Caring, loving, funny.
Pero 'yong isang lalaki sa panaginip ko? I was angry at him. I still could feel the heavy weight on my chest after that dream. He's the type of man who'd probably leave me and abandon me–abandon us.
What if that man was the father of my child?
I gritted my teeth, ang kasabikan sa katotohanan ay mas lalong umigting.
Naasikaso kaagad ako ng secretary nang dumating. I have scheduled an appointment beforehand with my concern kaya habang nag-aantay ay ka-text ko si Caspian.
From: Caspian
Babe, where are you? Lumabas ka sa hotel?
From: Caspian
We'll eat, Reev. Matatapos na ang meeting.
From: Caspian
Busy? 🥺
From: Caspian
I love you. 'Di mo ba 'ko nami-miss? 🥺
I chuckled.
To: Caspian
Wala ka bang meeting? 'Di ba proxy ka?
Wala pang ilang segundo ay tumunog ang phone ko.
From: Caspian
You replied!!! :D
From: Caspian
Miss you :(
To: Caspian
Focus, Cas. Baka importante ang pinag-uusapan d'yan. Makinig ka!
From: Caspian
I'm texting under the table. They won't even notice😙
"Miss Polaris Reeva Reyes?" Napatayo ako nang tawagin ang pangalan ko.
Ibinulsa ko ang phone at lumapit sa kanya. She gave me a folder.
"Miss, diretso po tayo sa may room 405 sa may pedia department. The OB-GYN is there to answer your queries, look for Dr. Samaniego."
Malakas ang kalabog ng puso ko habang naglalakad. I can still remember this hospital clearly. I was confined here years ago after the nightmare I've been through.
I knocked on the clinic, pushed the door open, and saw a tall man wearing a doctor's coat and glasses. He's embracing a woman and whispering something to her. I cleared my throat.
They stopped, nakita ko kung gaano kabilis na pumormal ang doktor at lumingon sa pwesto ko.
"Yes?" he asked calmly.
"Sorry for the disturbance but the nurse..." I showed him my folder.
"Oh, Miss Reyes?"
I nodded, napatango naman ang lalaki at napangiti ako nang makitang may sinabi siya doon sa magandang babae.
"Babe, wait for me in the car. Mabilis lang ako," aniya. The woman nodded and smiled at him before nodding at me.
"Take a seat, Miss Reyes." I took a seat. He fixed his hair and glasses before introducing himself to me. "Anyway, Dr. Angelo Samaniego."
"Polaris, Doc," pakilala ko at tinanggap ang palad niya.
"So..." Inabot niya mula sa akin ang folder bago binuklat. "What brought you here?"
"I just want to know more about my case years ago. I was confined here when I was in comatose. I was pregnant and I wanted to know what happened to... my child."
My lips quivered. Kinuyom ko ang kamay.
Natahimik ang doktor. I saw the slight crease on his forehead before it vanished. He nodded.
"You were in comatose while pregnant?"
"Opo, doc,"
He nodded. "Your attending OB was Dr. Gomez but he's retired years ago. I'll check your records so we can know what really happened. Perhaps, was your child...?"
Umiling ako. Mas umayos siya ng upo.
"My child died a few hours after I gave birth," I said. "Gusto ko lang malaman, doc, kung anong dahilan at bakit..."
"And the case wasn't disclosed to you?"
Umiling ako. Umigting ang panga niya pero tumango at may tinipa sa computer.
I swallowed, praying the nurse was just messing with me. That I didn't have a child, na hindi siya namatay. I was crossing my fingers for confirmation it was all a lie but the look on his face when he read something in the files made my heart stop.
"Premature baby boy," he informed. "Weighs 5 1/2 pounds."
"M-may baby?" Nanginig ang boses ko.
Nabakas ko ang pagtataka sa kanya pero tumango.
"Yes, Miss Reyes," he confirmed. "You were two months pregnant during the incident. You were transferred here from Casa Amara and yes, while you're in coma, a child's growing inside with you."
"G-God," my breath shook.
"You... didn't know?" Mas naging seryoso siya.
"N-no, I only heard but..." bulong ko. "I don't..."
"That's impossible." Umiling ang doktor. "You're the patient, you had the right to know this."
"I didn't know I had a child," I repeated and looked at him pleadingly. "H-how 'bout my son? Is he..."
"I'm sorry but your son's gone, Miss Reyes."
I already knew but the confirmation from him made it more painful. Naramdaman ko ang hapding sumusugat sa mga mata.
"You're in coma and didn't have enough nutrients to sustain the child's needs. You had an infection so the doctors had to induce labor at eight months or else, you and the child might get into shock or worse, die. He was brought to NICU for further observations but unfortunately, he didn't make it."
His eyes softened. He quietly extended a box of tissue closer kaya nanginginig ang kamay ay kumuha ako ro'n.
"W-why?" I couldn't even recognize my voice. "What happened to my son..."
"Lung infection," he said lowly. "He didn't have enough nutrients."
I was sobbing uncontrollably and he stayed quiet, lowering his head and listening. He didn't say a thing and quietly stood to get a glass of water. Tahimik niyang inilapag iyon sa tabi ko hanggang sa medyo kumalma.
"P-pasensya na, doc," paumanhin ko at nakakahiya na sa kanya.
"You don't have to apologize, Miss Reyes. I understand." He smiled sympathetically and pushed something in my direction. "Here,"
"Ano..."
"Here's some photos of your son when he's still alive,"
My lips parted. Mabilis na kinuha ko ang inaabot niya't mas lumuha pagkakita sa litrato ng munti kong anghel.
He looked like a sleeping angel in the incubator. He's very small, like a bean. He had small, red lips and pinkish cheeks I would trade everything to get a chance to caress and kiss.
"M-my baby..." I cried.
May litrato siyang nasa dibdib ko habang wala akong malay at sa sumunod, it was him with his one eye was slightly opened and I saw a peek of his black eyes.
This is all my fault. My fault!
If I took care of myself! If only I wasn't in that incident then might son...he could've been alive! He could've been here! He did not deserve it!
Ang anghel ko na bago ko pa man nakita ay binawi na rin sa akin. Anong klaseng ina ako?
The doctor asked if I could go home alone and insisted to call the security to take me home but I refused. Hindi na niya 'ko napigilan nang tumakbo ako paalis, yakap-yakap ang litrato ang anak, umiiyak.
Anong klaseng ina ako? Bakit hindi ako naging malakas para sa anak ko?
I am worthless! I wasn't a good mother!
Nasa gilid ako ng kalsada nang tuluyan nang mawalan ng lakas at mapaupo. My head was throbbing, my hands are shaking. The pain made me numb I couldn't even feel myself.
"Baby..." I sobbed. "M-mahal na mahal ka ni Mommy. Sorry, anak. Patawarin mo s-si mommy."
Tears fell uncontrollably, one after another.
My child... my star.
I stared longingly at the photo again and stopped when I saw something written on one of the photos. Itinalikod ko iyon at nakita ang pangalan ng bituin ko.
Aries Castor Reyes
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