End
"You're indeed alive."
I felt lost and didn't know how I should reply to her. Then, she lunged at me. It was a very weak hug, but I was unable to break free from it.
She cried, asking me not to scare her anymore.
She hugged me tightly and bit me hard on the shoulder.
She kissed my eyes, nose, and lips. Her tears made every kiss salty.
Every kiss made my heart jump. Every kiss made me feel shocked. Every kiss made my heart ache. Every kiss made me sorrowful.
As if ascertaining that I was alive, she pinched my face just like she had done so evilly in the past. Then, she smiled and said, "I'm not mistaken. This is my Irene."
I didn't know what to say or do. She was right before me hugging and loving me, and I was also loving her.
But I knew. No matter how beautiful it was now, everything would disappear into bubbles.
Everything might end the very next second. I might dissipate the very next second.
Yet, Lisa was still immersed in her incomparable happiness. I pushed her to rest on her seat, but she wouldn't let go of my hand no matter what.
"I won't let you go again this time."
I never knew how moving it was to see Lisa lying there obediently with a gentle smile and her eyes full of tears.
She was no longer the cold and charming person. At this moment, another kind of image overpowered, her fragile and heart-wrenching image.
"I always thought you wouldn't leave me." Her voice was so hoarse and every word she said hurt, but she still tried her best to speak.
"You're always by my side, preparing and doing everything for me. Now, I ended up not knowing how to do anything myself and can't live without you... I'm so stupid. Why did I never realize? You have already known and must have been planning this for a long time. You knew that I can't live on if you leave... You're so sly. See, you have gotten the results you want..."
She looked at me and muttered with a smile as tears flowed down from the corners of her eyes.
My heart ached so much, and my tears started falling uncontrollably.
When I was in my soul form, I didn't have any tears. No matter how sad I was, I could only keep it in my heart and was unable to vent.
A dead person could never cry again. That was probably why people wished to die.
"Don't cry Irene-ah..." She heartbreakingly helped wipe my tears when she saw me cry.
"I'm just kidding, don't cry. You didn't do anything wrong. You're very good. It's my fault. Everything is my fault... I'm the sly one. I always knew that you are good to me, so I took advantage of you and felt that you will still treat me well even if I don't do anything..."
"I won't be like this anymore. I will treat you well. I will cherish you and take care of you, so don't cry. Geuraedo stay, stay with me... Irene, Irene?"
I heard her calling me. It wasn't so clear when I first heard it, but the fear in her voice made me open my eyes. I saw her wanting to wipe my tears, but I couldn't feel her touch.
I lowered my head to look at my hands. They were starting to turn invisible.
My god... Right before her? ...How cruel!
Lisa widened her eyes. She shot up from her seat and tried to hug me, but it was all in vain.
It looked strange and absurd as her hand went past my half transparent body.
"Irene, Irene. You're just joking with me right?"
She gave herself a hard slap, as if trying to wake herself up from a nightmare.
I wished to give her one last smile, but only my tears flowed.
She lunged at me again trying to hug me, but she only ended up crashing down to the side. She looked at me, her eyes full of fear and despair.
Everything was going to end soon.
No matter how much I couldn't bear to leave, the day to leave still came in the end.
"Lisa, take care." I looked into her eyes that were filled with fear, helplessness, and powerlessness.
My hand could no longer touch her, but I still placed it insistently on her hand. I felt that this was enough. I didn't need a hug or kiss that led to nothing. I only wished to see my hand in the palm of her hand.
The many years of bitter love and the countless amount of words I have said could only turn into "take care."
All the hurt, suffering, unwillingness, regrets, love, and apologies had finally reached an end.
From now on, I would no longer exist. Would my yearning still linger by your side without an end?
I was going to disappear soon. Where would I go? Where would my love for you go?
I've already given up my next life. Would we ever meet again?
I could no longer hear her voice. I could only see her crazed expression, her trying to grab hold of me and her overflowing tears.
Lisa, Lisa...
I couldn't bear to leave. I really couldn't.
I wanted to hug her one last time.
I was still such a greedy person till the very end.
But there was finally no more one last time.
Things have finally set in stone and could never return to the past.
Was it you who realized far too late, or was it me who gave up far too early?
Or was it someone who watched us from somewhere making an evil joke since the very beginning?
I was never a smart alec, and I have always been an indecisive person. Why was it that I was so decisive at the most undesired time, the time when everything couldn't be redeemed ever again?
I asked this question to heaven and earth and to both tangible and intangible things, and I would keep asking. Because, I would never be resigned to this.
I no longer had a soul, a next life, or any chances
Nevertheless, I still wished that Lisa would be happy. Please forget about me quickly and live happily in a world without me and in a world which I couldn't continue to protect you quietly by your side.
In this way, I could perhaps dissipate with a smile because I could finally be rest assured.
At the time when I could no longer be selfish, I could finally smile and wish for your happiness with someone else.
Everything before my eyes became blurry and fragmented. I could no longer differentiate nor feel myself.
But I could feel water dripping. Drop by drop, the scalding water fell onto my heart.
Even if I could no longer love or feel pain, I would never forget this.
Tonight, I was the happiest girl.
Lisa, these were the tears you cried for me.
I finally dissipated and scattered like wind and dust, joining the eternal solitude and darkness.
Lisa-ya, saranghae, saranghae...
END.
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Thank you for reading.
April 1st
April Mop
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