Don't
She worked like she usually did and was busy holding a concert in the capital city.
During this period of time, her schedule was packed, and she became thinner.
She didn't know how to make a proper meal. If she was hungry, she would eat instant noodles without any regard for her own health. She basically played with her life.
During her concert, she added in an additional song of her own accord named "The Happiest Girl".
It was a song she never released before, and it was first brought to light during the concert. The fans must have been pleasantly surprised.
The song was dedicated to me. Unfortunately, I only realized this fact after half the song passed and I couldn't remember some of the lyrics.
The girls below the stage were screaming with great enthusiasm, so it felt less vivid for me listening on stage.
Tonight, I'll be the happiest girl in the world
You'll see like it never happened
This song was clearly called "The Happiest Girl", but the entire song was only about "regretfulness". I couldn't hear any part of the song about "happiness".
I wondered why. This song had such a nice ballad melody, but it sounded so sad and full of uncertainty.
Lisa, jebal. There's no one else to blame this time. Don't change the truth we can't undo.
The girls in the front row were all moved to tears by Lisa's song.
Her every move affected many people's hearts, yet she didn't care at all.
No matter how many people liked her and loved her, she didn't care.
Lisa was a being that was so unique, cold, heartless, cruel, and heartbreaking.
I once had her for myself. I felt so proud. It was wonderful.
Why did I let go?
How could I bear to let go?
How foolish of me.
That night, Lisa's insta was so active that it almost crashed. Many girl fanatics discussed the new song, talking about Lisa's cold face and guessing about the story behind the song.
As for Lisa, she only skimmed through the comment page.
I guess she was looking for me.
She must have known that I would often vilely argue with the "Ppuchin" and "Jensetter".
"Ppuchin" referred to Lisa's fans, and "Jensetter" referred to Jennie's fans. There wasn't actually much difference between the fans. Since the two of them were close friends, those that liked Lisa would usually like Jennie as well. Similarly, those that liked Jennie would usually like Lisa.
On her insta, I used the user ID of "Velvet Venom" to refute the various discussions going around, and I eventually became the source of discord on the site. It was just my ugly, jealous heart at work.
Surprisingly, there were a few of those girls who often argued with me that missed me now that I was gone. Some of their messages were asking, "Where has that Velvet Venom person who always sowed discord gone to?"
After looking through the page, Lisa couldn't find my comment, so she became disappointed.
I then saw her look at a new post. She stared at it for a long while.
The topic was very striking: Is there anyone who misses Lisa's earring?~~~
Many people commented under the post saying that they were also curious or had the same question.
Lisa fell into thought, her face white like snow due to the light from her phone screen. In that moment, her eyes reflected the blue light of the screen and looked very deep.
■■■
After work the next day, she didn't drive home immediately. Instead, she drove to Gangnam Central. She then walked into a jewelry store through a brightly lit path.
She examined the earring section carefully for a long time.
The shopkeepers were several young ladies, and Lisa was so alluring and eye-catching, so there was no way they didn't notice. For a long while, they stood to the side and whispered to one another, blush on their faces.
Finally, a brave one came over nervously and asked, "Excuse me, are you Ms. Lisa? What type of earrings would you like to see? Is it for yourself or a gift for your friend?"
The others who saw this also came crowding around. They didn't dare to speak, but they all stared apprehensively at Lisa.
These few ladies were in luck this time. The cool and unsmiling Lisa who always adopted the "does not speak with strangers" attitude actually gave them a gentle smile.
As if speaking to herself, she said nostalgically, "The earring I often used to wear is from Rosé & Co.."
"I know, I know." The ladies chattered, "I saw it in a magazine before and even asked my senior about it. It's indeed a Rosé & Co. design."
"It was given to me by someone very important to me." Lisa smiled awkwardly as she explained, "I lost it, but I don't dare to tell that person, so I can only come here secretly to see if there is another one which I can get. I have to let her see me wear it on TV..."
"Ah~~Is it your special friend?" The ladies let out a scream that sounded like excitement but also a sigh.
"It's someone very important to me." Lisa gave a light and charming smile, causing the ladies who were looking at her to be lost in it.
"But... we don't sell that in shops." A lady said, "I've asked about it before. That earring was specially designed by Park daepyo-nim. It is one of a kind."
Lisa's expression immediately changed to one of disappointment. Everyone looked at her with a sympathetic gaze.
"Actually, you can try asking Park daepyo-nim herself..." A lady suggested.
"It's okay, thank you..." Lisa forced a smile, "I think I will try finding it..."
Remembering what she had done to Rosé, she walked out of the shop dejectedly.
The street was lit by the beautiful city lights, and people were bustling about. The lively night had just started, but as I looked at Lisa, I only felt that she seemed cold.
She looked very cold, just like the earring which had sunk under the ice-cold lake.
Things that were thrown out could never be found again. Even if the fake one looked exactly like the real one, it would never be the same.
For us, we could never go back to the way we once were.
She started the car, but I realized she was driving towards the company.
It was already so late, why was she still going to the company?
I gazed at Lisa. Her face was illuminated by the night. She looked calm, abnormally calm. But it looked like the calm before the storm. I felt very unsettled by this.
Don't tell me she wants to... to...
No, no way.
Although she had done many things that exceeded my imagination for the past few months, I didn't think she was crazy to that extent.
She drove to the underground parking lot of her company and parked her car. She then walked towards the deep, dark, artificial lake.
"Lisa, what are you trying to do?!!"
She kept walking towards the lake. Within the darkness, her eyes were firm, and her face was expressionless.
I pulled at her and called out, "Lisa, you're crazy!!"
I didn't know whether she was actually crazy or not, but she definitely turned mad. She wasn't normal.
She wanted to find it again? She wanted to find such a small object from a lake which nothing could be seen in this dark of night?
She must have not expected that she would turn crazy one day and want to find the earring from back when she heartlessly threw it in the lake.
Had she turned crazy, or had the world turned crazy?
I didn't know, but she was driving me crazy.
Without taking off her shoes, she slowly walked into the water.
The artificial lake wasn't very deep, but it was just the beginning of April. The cold winds of winter still lingered at the beginning of spring, and the lake had just melted not long ago, making the water freezing.
To add on, what she wanted to find was a small, silver object that had sunk to the bottom of a wide lake. Wasn't this like trying to find a needle in a haystack?
I didn't get it. Why did the cold, heartless, practical, and uncaring Lisa turn so foolish?
Bending her back, she started searching through the lake seriously.
Just how cold was the wind? Just how cold was the water? So what if you found it? Could I be revived if you found it?
Why were you so foolish?
Lisa, why were you so foolish?
But she couldn't hear me. She didn't hear me. She only focused on searching through every inch of the lake, hoping for a miracle to happen.
The moonlight made her face seem holy and pure.
I think I must have turned crazy, but at this moment, Lisa looked incomparably beautiful. Her facial features that seemed to be chiseled by moonlight radiated a faint, silver glow, making her look like an elf standing in water against the dark night.
Despite that, she wasn't an elf. And there was no miracle in this world.
But she refused to admit defeat and continued searching for it. Gradually, her breath became heavier, and she started trembling. I knew she felt cold.
Yet, she wasn't willing to go ashore.
While trembling from the cold, she raised a hand and caught the ring hanging in front of her chest. She brought it up to her lips for a sorrowful kiss, then continued searching.
Her face was set with resolution and persevering devotion.
In an instant, a strong emotion overwhelmed me. The feeling was too heavy and complex. I didn't understand exactly what I felt.
I was once foolish and persevering. However, I realized I was nothing at all compared to the person before me.
My craziness could not compare to her insanity.
I thought she was heartless, but she was much more foolish than me.
She already paid back the love and passion she owed me. Although ten years were only paid back with three months, it led to bruises and injuries all over her body. It was enough. I was satisfied. Please stop torturing her. Please stop letting her torture herself.
What I have suffered wasn't much if you spread it out over ten years. Please stop hurting my most precious person. I didn't need fairness. I didn't need equal treatment. I didn't want her to stay in this ice-cold water, desperately searching for something that could never be found again.
She didn't have to love me. I just wanted her to live well and be happy.
It didn't matter who would give her happiness. It didn't matter even if I was no longer in her life.
I was being serious this time.
The surroundings were quiet, and nobody was around. There was only her, obstinately searching for something that she could never find again.
A long time passed, and the lights further away gradually extinguished. Even the silver-white moon slowly hid itself. She was cold to the point that she would almost lose consciousness.
I pulled her, hoping to pull her up ashore. However, I wasn't able to touch her no matter what I tried. Her body suddenly swayed. She tried her best to steady herself, but she could only support her forehead with her hand as she continued walking weakly.
She staggered a few steps, as if trying to grab hold of something for support. But there was nothing around. As if she lost consciousness, her limbs fell slack, and her whole body fell into the water.
The water was only up to waist level. However, she quietly sank like a rock, not standing back up. I shouted loudly and stretched my hands into the water, trying my best to pull her back. But I couldn't touch her. Even though she was just right there!
She would die. I knew she would soon die.
I couldn't let her die.
God could watch me make a joke out of myself. He could watch me helplessly watching the person I loved suffer. He could watch me being unable to hug the person I loved even though she was heartbroken. He could watch me being unable to comfort the person I loved even though she was crying.
However, He couldn't let me watch her die.
I had nothing left. The only thing that I had was — I loved her.
I could disappear. My soul could dissipate to wherever. In exchange, let me be able to touch her this one last time.
I shouted towards the sky, hoping that someone would hear me and give me this exchange.
I didn't need to reincarnate. I could use my everything in exchange. I could choose eternal death in exchange for this very last chance.
Please let me touch her one last time.
My obsession, greed, and love would end forever after this.
After this, everything would return back to eternal silence.
For the first time, God heard my wish.
I felt the cold water, her heavy and powerless body, and her hair that floated about the lake. My fingers were hooked on her necklace.
I hugged her tightly in the water.
Her clothes were soaked with water and made her heavier. I dragged her ashore with much effort and pumped her chest to make her spit out the water she had swallowed.
Her whole body was as cold as the river of April. With her fringe sticking on her forehead, Lisa's breathing was faint, and her lips trembled.
I kissed her and slowly blew air into her mouth. My current self actually had warmth and was even warmer than her.
I hugged her, her head pressing against my chest. I could feel the cold and felt happy that I could still give her warmth.
Lisa had become much lighter. It had always been laborious for me to carry her before, but it was so easy now.
I carried her into the car and switched on the heater. I then helped her remove her wet clothes. There was a large towel in the car trunk, so I took it out and helped wipe her body dry. I took her cold hand and placed them between mine to warm.
God was really kind this time round. Not only did I have a sense of touch, I could also feel warmth.
Coughing lightly, she slowly woke up and saw me.
I had nowhere to escape and could only expose myself before her eyes.
I knew this was wrong. After all, I was already dead.
I shouldn't be letting her see me again. I looked alive and even had warmth.
With a sore voice, she gritted her teeth and said,
"You're indeed alive."
—■—
March 29th
Happy Irene Day
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