Dongsaeng
"How did you know that I told her you were dead?"
I couldn't possibly say that I saw it for myself when I was floating by Lisa's side could I? Who would believe it?
"Why else would Rosé cry?" My answer somewhat managed to toss the ball back.
"The doctor said that the chances of you waking up is very low. If you keep on sleeping, isn't that almost the same as being dead?" Sehun appeared righteous and open-minded. With a "this has nothing to do with me" stance, he quibbled, "And with you not wanting to wake up, who knows whether you will live or die in the end? If I give Rosé and the rest a false hope and you end up dying, won't they be even more upset?"
I became moody from hearing such an unreasonable explanation.
"In addition, I won't let Lisa be happy even if you are not dead. If you are really dead, then all the more so for me to make sure that she and Jennie won't be happy for their entire lives." Sehun revealed his two sharp tiger teeth as he smiled sinisterly like a vampire. Not only did Sehun not feel ashamed of his words, he even felt satisfied with himself. He earnestly added, "I'm doing this for you."
He was actually acting like a protective brother that brought justice to his older sister by punishing the heartbreaker.
I was rendered speechless by him.
"Then... is Jennie okay?" I asked worriedly after much consideration.
We have hurt her too much.
Although she and Lisa had once done me wrong, it was now us who have hurt her.
Jennie was a very sensitive person. She had noticed much earlier than any other person, including me and Lisa, that Lisa's heart was gradually moving away from her.
This whole matter was unfair to her. Despite that, she often put in a good word for me. She silently stayed by Lisa's side and quietly went from a lover back to a good friend. She never uttered a word of complaint, even her tears were hidden from Lisa.
I felt ashamed of myself after seeing her actions and her way of love.
She was indeed much, much more perfect than us. She deserved a better person's love and cherishing.
I always thought that if I had the chance to restart, I would want to be friends with Jennie. I wouldn't let my ugly, jealous heart take control and push her away again.
She had long treated me as a friend and stretched out her hands. It was me who had been ignoring her all this while.
This time, I wished to be her friend. I wished that we could be very good friends.
"She should be fine... She has always been strong. And... " Sehun thought for a moment and said a little unhappily, "There's Rosé."
Sehun didn't show much, but I knew that he was in fact unhappy. If it wasn't for the fact that Rosé was his good friend, Sehun would have already made his move on someone that fit his taste so much.
Unfortunately for Sehun, his moment of kindness caused such a perfect spare tire to be snatched away. He could only sigh about it.
However, there was still a long way to go for the emotional and simple-minded Rosé and the delicate and careful Jennie.
I could only wish for their happiness quietly in my heart.
I also wished that the diamond bachelor standing by my side could find his happiness too.
But I was unable to imagine just who was able to match with this handsome, sly, elegant, and unpredictable younger brother.
I had a feeling that his prey would be full of misery.
"Sehun, why do you treat me so well?" I suddenly felt like teasing my haughty brother.
Sehun was good at acting cool. Therefore, this type of mushy question was hard for him. He was caught off guard by my sudden question, and his face reddened as expected. He turned away and exclaimed in frustration.
"You're my noona, my older sister!"
"But we didn't even meet each other until I turned 21. We didn't even know each other existed. You could have chosen to ignore me. You also have a reason to hate me."
I finally got the chance to ask the question I had been curious about.
I didn't understand why Sehun pampered me so much and treated me so generously.
Because of my existence, he was no longer the only one. My existence broke his family apart and hurt his mother's feelings. I deprived him of many things that should have belonged to him, and I caused a lot of messes that he had to clean up. Why did he still treat me so well?
"Because I'm very kind." Sehun, the person who was always cold to the point he didn't sympathize with a stray dog, raised his head and boasted without shame.
After saying so, he cleared his throat. He himself probably felt like what he said wasn't convincing at all.
"I knew I had an older sister ever since I was six. Although my mother had argued with my father about this countless times, I just thought that she was very, very cute when I first saw the photo.
My looks could actually be considered cute? For a moment, I started doubting Sehun's aesthetic sense.
"Irene, how great would it be if you weren't my sister?" Sehun looked at me suddenly. His eyes were bright, seemingly like a lake that reflected the sunlight. The whirling emotion within his eyes was startling.
I froze, not knowing what to do.
I never thought it would be like this. The reason for Sehun's kindness, which didn't have a bottom line, had always been an uncertainty that haunted me. However, I never expected that...
"Hahahahahaha... You fell for it. You finally fell for it..." Sehun suddenly started laughing so much that he collapsed on my bed. Without any regard for his image, he pounded on the bed board and said while gasping for breath, "You? Seriously? So silly, you actually believed it..."
My face was full of black lines as I wondered whether the current Sehun was being possessed by Rosé.
It had become his permanent habit to tease or dupe the people around him.
"Aigoo, you're the type that is especially interesting to tease. The reason I can remain so happy whenever I see you is because you're always making trouble and have a lot of gossip to talk about." said Sehun with a smile, clearly showing his true nature which lacked sympathy and brotherly love.
But despite how much Sehun teased me, I still knew that his feelings towards me weren't anything less.
I was not referring to the forbidden feelings he used to scare me. Instead, I was referring to the bond and love brought about due to us being blood related.
This type of love was the most selfless, familial love.
The people who loved you may leave because you did something wrong. However, your family would still be willing to stay with you and protect you even if you made a mistake.
We could truly call this kind of feeling "selfless love."
I just realized that I have been selflessly loved by this person all this time.
He was my half-brother, and he was also the most outstanding person amongst everybody I knew.
I have been unconsciously and impulsively hurting the people around me, and the hurt he received was definitely the most.
I might have treated Lisa very well for the past ten years, but I have also forced her to do many things.
For ten years, I received Sehun's warmth and protection. Yet, he never asked for anything in return.
How could I feel that life had no meaning without Lisa?
I had Sehun, Rosé, and many other friends. I had people who cared for me and cherished me, as well as people I cared for and cherished.
I was starting to understand Jennie's source of strength.
Back then, despite being terminally ill with little hope, she had parents who loved her, family members, Lisa, and my not-so-sincere self around her. We continuously gave her care and support that helped her overcome the great obstacle and allowed her to grab hold of fate.
Even if there were people who left afterwards or forgot, the courage and faith that was ingrained would still stay on.
This was the ray of sunlight that Jennie was able to grab hold of and spread to everyone around her through her smiles.
As long as you looked around yourself, everyone would have someone by their side silently lighting a path to lead you into the right direction, no matter how dark the place you were in.
There would always be someone by your side quietly protecting you, despite the fact that he didn't say or ask for anything.
We should know that we were not the only ones suffering or hurt.
It was the same for everyone.
Therefore, we could see the light and hope. We could gather our courage to walk on and push forth no matter what we faced.
I felt like I finally understood what it meant to be strong, because I realized that there was always someone around me.
I should stay strong for the people I loved and the people who loved me. I should have courage and hold the best wishes for this world.
I didn't have to envy other people or feel jealous of their bright life.
Because, I knew that I would also be someone who carried the light of life. I would use my courage to bring warmth to the people around me.
"Sehun, I... will never do something silly again." I lowered my head and sincerely admitted to my mistake.
"Hmph." Sehun sneered, "It's fine if you want to do it again. Next time, I will definitely help you as a friend and add in a few more cuts, lest you end up lying here in a fake vegetative state and waste my money."
I looked at Sehun helplessly. It was so hard for me to create this atmosphere, why couldn't this person say something nicer?
Forget it...
There were some things that didn't need to be said. It was enough as long as we understood it in our hearts.
It was enough as long as we understood.
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