5(edited)
"Monster…"
Zenitsu wasn’t lying.
That woman was fast. Like… demon-level fast.
One moment she was shuffling toward you all with her soft, wrinkled hands, and the next she was practically teleporting with folded stacks of clean clothes. You weren’t sure if she was secretly hiding a second pair of legs under that kimono or if you’d just witnessed Olympic-level grandma speed. Either way, it was terrifying.
After the Wisteria House woman handed out the fresh clothes, her calm gaze landed on you.
"A change of clothes to clean your body" she started, then paused, her finger raising gently. "And you, young lady, please come with me. You’re going to change in another room."
Tanjiro immediately raised his hand, always the polite one. "Sorry, ma’am. She doesn’t speak Japanese. I think she only speaks English."
The woman blinked at him, her lips forming a little “oh.” Then she turned to you with surprising ease. "Is that so? Okay then, young lady, you’ll change in another room. Please follow me!"
Your eyes practically shot out of your skull. "OH. MY. GOD YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?!"
Her lips curved into the softest smile. "Yes, but… it’s not very good."
You gasped dramatically, clutching your chest like you’d been reunited with a long-lost sibling. "WAHHH, FINALLY! Someone who speaks English!"
Before you could stop yourself, you sprinted forward and hugged her tight like she was a celebrity you just ran into.
The woman chuckled softly, patting your back. "Come now, let’s go then."
"Hehehehehe! Yesss!" you squealed, practically skipping after her.
After everyone finished changing, the woman gave one last approving nod, her voice soothing as she said, "And now… a warm meal."
The words "warm meal" had never sounded so beautiful.
Zenitsu opened his mouth, ready to make some ridiculous comment. "Tanjiro, that lady is a mon-!! "
BONK.
Tanjiro’s hand landed squarely on the back of his head like a hammer.
"Shut up and sit down." His smile was pleasant, but his tone said don’t test me.
The table was laid out with steaming bowls of rice, vegetables, miso soup, and fish that smelled so good you nearly cried.
And of course, Inosuke… was being Inosuke.
He inhaled food like he’d been starved for years, shoving rice into his mouth so fast half of it fell onto his lap. He chewed like a wild animal tearing through prey, then like the absolute menace he was he casually stole part of Tanjiro’s plate without hesitation.
You froze mid-bite, staring at him in horror.
This is a nightmare. A full-on horror movie.
Unfortunately, the nightmare wasn’t over.
Because then came the chopsticks.
You picked them up, fiddled, poked, even tried pretending they were little drumsticks. But no matter what you did, those things refused to cooperate. They felt like two angry twigs possessed by evil spirits, slipping out of your fingers every time you thought you had it.
Zenitsu, of course, noticed immediately.
"Angel-chan… is something wrong?" His eyes softened with worry.
Tanjiro tilted his head too, concerned. "Yeah, you haven’t eaten anything…"
You pointed dramatically at the chopsticks, your face screaming HELP ME, I AM SUFFERING.
Zenitsu’s eyes practically turned into glitter. "OH I CAN FEED YOU, ANGEL-CHAN!"
Before you could object, he was already holding out food with trembling hands like it was a sacred offering.
You blinked, not fully processing, until he carefully brought the food to your lips.
Your eyes widened. Then you smiled, chewing happily. "Thank you, Zenitsu!"
The boy nearly passed out on the spot, his cheeks burning scarlet.
He continued feeding you, practically glowing, his goofy grin so wide it looked painful.
Tanjiro, on the other hand, sat across from you with his usual calm expression except for the way his chopsticks creaked in his hand.
What… is this feeling? he thought, swallowing hard. Jealousy? No, that’s ridiculous. Why would I be jealous? Y/n is just my friend. Just a friend. Right?
He stuffed rice into his mouth like it owed him money.
Zenitsu, oblivious, giggled dreamily. "I can feed you forever if you marry me, Angel-chan ehehehehrh..
That was the final straw.
Tanjiro set his bowl down with a soft clink and looked at you, his eyes strangely serious.
"Do you..want me to feed you too, Y/n?"
You tilted your head, confused, but nodded anyway.
Zenitsu’s aura instantly turned into storm clouds.
Before he could scream, Inosuke slammed his hands onto the table. "EHH?! NO FAIR! I CAN FEED MINION BETTER THAN BOTH OF YOU!"
Without hesitation, he grabbed a massive chunk of rice with his bare hands and shoved it straight into your mouth like you were a pig at a trough.
You gagged instantly.
"WHAT THE HELL, INOSUKE?!" you sputtered.
Zenitsu shrieked like his soul had left his body. "WITH YOUR HANDS?! HAVE YOU EVEN WASHED THEM IN THE LAST YEAR?!"
Tanjiro gave a solemn nod. "Yeah, Inosuke. That’s probably not safe. Sorry, but..Zenitsu’s right."
Inosuke just blinked, tilting his head like a confused dog.
Later that night…
The futons had been laid out, and you finally got a chance to rest your aching body. The soreness from battle clung to every muscle, every breath reminding you that your ribs weren’t exactly happy right now.
Just as your eyes were fluttering closed, the caretaker poked her head inside.
"The doctor is here," she said gently. Then she stepped aside, gesturing. "Please, come in."
A tall figure appeared behind her, carrying a box of supplies.
She turned back to you. "Young lady, you’re going to be checked in another room. Please follow me."
You nodded, groaning softly as you stood up. Every movement made your body feel like it was wrapped in sandpaper.
As you walked, you glanced up at her. "Ma’am, I wanna tell you something."
"You can just call me Hisa," she said kindly.
"Well… Hisa, I’m not actually a demon slayer. I’m just a foreigner. I don’t belong here."
Her eyes softened, the corners wrinkling with understanding.
"Oh. I already know."
You froze. "Wait..how?!"
But she only smiled mysteriously and gestured to the sliding door ahead. "We’ve arrived. Please, come in."
You blinked, suspicious but too exhausted to argue, and stepped inside.
After the doctor checked everyone, the results weren’t exactly flattering.
You: 3 broken ribs.
Zenitsu: 1 broken rib.
Tanjiro: 4 broken ribs.
Inosuke: 4 broken ribs.
When you all stumbled out, your bodies wrapped, patched, and stiff, you looked like a group of rejected origami.
Everyone just stared at each other for a long, painful beat.
"…Damn..."you muttered. "We suck ass."
The boys could only nod in exhausted agreement even though they didn't understand..
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