Nine
March 25th 2020
September 12th 2018 was the day I broke up with you. December 14th 2019 was the day I lost you. It was winter when you left, to me it still is. It's cold here without you. Even though spring is here it still hasn't melt the snow in my heart.
I know you can't read this and you won't be able to hear me but I'll keep writing to feel better and lift off some of the guilt I've been feeling.
I feel guilty for not telling you the real reason why I wanted to break up with you. I feel guilty that you left without letting me have the chance to explain myself. You didn't know the true reason but you still loved me.
I loved studying with you even though I hated studying. I loved when we used to meet up at the café. I loved chatting with you. I loved holding your hand and kissing you. I loved holding you in my arms. I loved spending time with you in general.
I felt happy at that time but now I feel alone. You've left a few months ago and I still feel empty without you.
Memories of us keep replaying in my mind every single day. You cross my mind several times a day. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought of you.
Good memories cross my mind even bad ones but it's ok because I get to see you.
Your funeral... your funeral was heartbreaking. I felt empty. That day was the hardest day I've ever went through.
I kept seeing you everywhere. I still do. You should've told me that you were suffering but also I didn't have the right to know anything about you.
Nobody can replace you. Ever. Nobody can take your place. If we ever meet again I'll tell you about everything that happened after you left even though you might already know.
We'll meet again when spring comes, when cherry blossoms bloom.
We'll meet again.... very soon... I'll see you again after following your footsteps. I'll walk on the same path you've walked on.. goodbye for now until I meet you again.
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