Promise To A Stardust (Published Under Flutter Fic)
Kabanata 8
Kabanata 8
AWKWARD.
Wala kaming imik habang kumakain. I could still feel the remnants of heat on my cheek while he stared at his food, stiff and quiet.
His forehead is creased, his lips in a thin line. His movements are stiff and stead, obviously filled with tension. I sighed when I couldn't take it anymore.
"Cas–"
"Reev–"
"Ikaw muna–"
"You first," natahimik kaming dalawa nang sabay na naman kaming magsalita. Nagkatitigan kami, ang ala-ala nang halikan ay sariwa pa kaya sabay na nag-iwas, tumitikhim.
Oh, come on. Wala na bang mas nakakahiya dito?!
The memory of how easily he slammed me on the table and kissed me played again. I mean, I could accept if it's just that but I freaking moaned when he bit my lip! I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him back! Sensually! Like I was deprived of it for ages!
"I'm..." he started. Napatitig ako.
"I-I'm?"
"I'm not sorry," he said. Umawang ang labi ko.
"Huh?"
"I'm not sorry I kissed you, Reev," he repeated. My heart quickened.
"B-bakit?"
"Why would I be sorry for something I wanted to do from the start?" He asked. I flushed, napalunok ako sa realisasyon.
"You mean, you... you always want to kiss me?" I asked lowly.
His gaze fell on my mouth as he sipped on his juice.
"I do," he breathed. "But I am sorry for not asking if I could kiss you–"
"I kissed you first," I muttered. "I didn't ask, too. I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry." He looked me in the eye. "I don't mind. You could freely kiss me anytime you want."
Natahimik ako, hindi mapakali sa mga paru-parong ibinigay no'n sa sikmura ko.
Warning signs are ringing. I still had a lot of questions and confusion but the stubborn part of me was winning and I went along with it.
"Alright..." I mumbled.
I caught the ghost smile etched on his lips. "Where do you wanna go after this? It's a bit early."
"Uuwi?"
He eyed me, umiling siya at nagsalita.
"How about a movie?"
"May maganda bang palabas?" I asked. "Saka, wala ka bang pasok?"
"Now, they won't need me anyway."
"'Di ba namamasada ka? Sayang ang kita?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Nakapag-boundary naman na, Reev, okay na 'yon pang-date."
Date?!
Muling sumabog ang init sa mukha ko.
First, the kiss! Next the celibate things and my God, a freaking date?!
"I changed my mind, I have a better plan. Let's go."
"Saan?"
"Basta. I'll wait for you to finish eating then we'll leave."
We rode his Uber to the house. Pagdating ko'y naabutan ko si Riu na naglalaro ng lego sa lapag habang nakadapa si Caspian–ang aso–sa tabi niya, nagbabantay.
When they heard me approaching, my dog was easily barking and wagging his tail, running to me. Riu's green eyes brightened when he saw me.
"Mimi!" he exclaimed and ran towards me.
I chuckled and caught him, carrying him to for a kiss.
When they heard Caspian approaching the door, tumakbo sa kanya ang kapangalan. I chuckled when despite his massive body, Cas carried the dog in his arms, imitating what I and Riu looked like.
Nagkatinginan kami, dala ko si Sirius habang nasa kanya si Caspian, my dog at sabay na napatawa.
"Guess I have a new baby now?" Caspian said. I laughed, tuwang-tuwa naman ang aso habang karga niya nang masalita si Sirius.
"No! Sirius is your baby!" He grunted,
Mas napatawa ako. Kumislap ang aliw sa mata ni Cas, nakatitig sa pamangkin ko.
"Of course, baby. You will always be my baby," he chuckled. He lowered the dog then offered his hand to Riu who happily went to him.
Tinawag ko ang aso para pakainin at sa pagbalik ko'y naabutang nanunuod si Riu at Cas ng T.V. He was lying in his back on the couch while Riu was sitting on his stomach, playing with his lego again.
Napahawak ako sa dibdib, sa ganda ng tanawin na 'yon ay nabusog ang puso ko. I didn't know why but a part of me felt emotional and happy I couldn't explain it.
"What do you want to eat, boys?" I called.
Sabay silang lumingon sa akin. My heart skipped a beat as two pairs of identical green eyes stared at me.
"Adobo, Mimi! Adobo!" Riu exclaimed.
"Alright," I agreed, noting we were both thinking the same thing.
"Yehey!" He clapped happily. I caught Caspian staring deeply at him as he sat on the sofa and looked at me.
"Reev, ako na lang ang magluluto," he offered.
"Are you sure?"
"Hmm..." He chuckled and kissed Sirius' cheeks. "I'm a major in cooking adobo."
Ibinaba niya si Riu sa couch bago tumayo.
"May tokwa ka ba d'yan?" He asked as he went closer. I nodded.
"Why?"
"Adobo won't be perfect without that,"
"Tama!" I chirped. "Adobo at Tokwa is superb!"
"Yep." He smirked and pinched my nose. "Ako nang bahala, play with Riu and rest in the sofa. Tawagin ko na lang kayo kapag tapos na."
It felt normal playing with Riu while we're watching. Nakakalong pa ito sa akin habang yakap ko ang baywang niya at humahalik sa pisngi kapag nanggigigil ako.
"Ang bango naman ng Riu ko," I murmured and sniffed his neck. He giggled and kissed my cheek.
"Mimi, love you!" He exclaimed.
"I love you, Sirius. You're my brightest star," bulong ko at pinisil ang pisngi niya.
"And I love Caspian, dog and Caspian-pangit!" He said. Napatawa ako ng malakas at ginulo ang buhok niya.
"Tito Cas will tickle you if he hears you say that," I said.
"No! He will kiss my cheeks!" aniya. Matamis akong ngumiti, tinitigan ko ang mga mata niya at may kung anong naramdamang kulang... na napunan.
Why is that?
I still have a lot of questions but for now, I'll cherish what I have. I'll cherish this moment.
I'd protect Riu and take care of him.
My gaze fell on my feet where the dog was resting and smelled the delicious scent of Caspian's cooking in the kitchen.
I saw Cas tasting the adobo, nakapaywang at seryoso pero napatitig ako sa katawan niya nang mapansing hubad-baro siya. He's topless, only wearing his jeans and a pink apron.
"Ay, Ma'am, parang ang sarap ni Sir!" Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang may magsalita sa tabi ko.
When I shifted my gaze, I saw Amy drooling over him and maybe it's the idiotic side of me because it made me feel quite...possessive.
"Akin 'yan," pabiro kong sabi sabay ngiti.
She was shocked. Tumawa lang ako sabay iling at lapit kay Caspian. Sinilip ko ang niluluto niya.
"Done?" I asked.
"Hmm, here." Iniawang niya sa akin ang sandok na may ulam sa bibig ko.
I tasted it. I hummed when the taste spread in my mouth. It's so good!
"Masarap?" He asked.
Muling nahulog ang mata ko sa biceps niya at nalito kung saan ang tinatanong.
"Huh? Ikaw?" I asked dumbly.
He laughed and pinched my nose. Naubo ako.
"Ang ibig kong sabihin–"
"I know I'm delicious, Reev. I'm referring to the food," aniyang pilyo, kumikislap ang berdeng mga mata.
"I meant the food!" I defended pero huli na ang lahat.
Caspian smirked. I scoffed.
"M-maghahanda na ako ng pinggan!" I announced to escape the embarassment.
Naghanda ako ng utensils at inumin habang nagsasandok si Cas ng ulam. Our gazes clashed and that wicked smile appeared again.
Pinanliitan ko ng mata pero lumaki lang ulit nang hubarin niya ang apron at na-exposed ang katawan niya.
I swallowed.
His body's toned. Ripped with muscles in the right places. He wasn't too bulky and not thin either, athletic to describe him better. He had sun-kissed skin, broad shoulders, chiseled chest, and six-pack abs.
I'm lying if I say I am not attracted to him. It's hypocrisy to deny my attraction for him when I felt it already since I met him. Not just because he was good-looking but maybe because of the things he was making me feel.
The comfort, the warmth, the familiarity I couldn't name. Maybe because we somehow knew each other from common friends?
He turned his back and I saw the deep twin dimples peeking on his back down to his jeans.
Sa pagbalik niya ay may suot na siyang shirt at buhat-buhat na niya si Sirius. Umupo siya sa tabi ng pamangkin kaya do'n ako sa tabi ni Amy.
Pinagmasdan ko siyang lagyan ng pagkain ang plato ng pamangkin bago ang akin. Tila lumilipad ako sa tuwa ro'n.
He's too caring, so ideal. I can't help but feel more attracted and fascinated of him, nabubulag na ata sa atraksyon kaysa isipin sa mga katanungan ng nakaraan.
I closed my eyes to shrug it off, the taste of his mouth on mine still lingers. I couldn't forget it.
We stayed in my house the whole day, it was his plan all along pala. He told me, kapag nagsine kami, why not we just stay at my house at doon manuod para maisama rin namin si Riu.
We watched random movies we found online, pagkatapos naming maghapunan ay tinulungan ko sa paghuhugas ng plato si Amy at naiwan ang dalawa sa sala.
"Ma'am, hawig si Sirius at Sir, 'no?" She told me. Nilingon ko siya at napatango.
"Yeah, but I think it's just because of their eyes?"
"Hindi rin, Ma'am, sobra talaga, pati 'yong shape ng mukha nila, 'yong pagkakaitim ng buhok, 'yong ilong. Para silang kambal."
My forehead creased, trying to process it. I've noticed it since the first time but maybe, maybe because they had the same eye color?
Caspian the dog was playing a ball when I got out of the kitchen. Ang dalawa naman ay seryosong nanunuod ng animal planet kung nasaan pinagtatanggol ng isang deer ang kanyang baby deer sa malaking leon.
The baby deer cried when he got caught but then, the mom came to the rescue and fought the lion. The baby escaped, umiiyak itong tumakbo at nanikip ang dibdib ko nang wala pang ilang segundo ay nakagat ng leon ang paa ng usa.
The mommy dear cried, the camera was zoomed in to get a closer look and it broke my heart when I saw a tear glistening in the mother's eyes as she watched her baby running and crying from afar.
Two lions came to feast on her body. I felt broken.
Nawala ang atensyon ko sa telebisyon nang makarinig ng singhot. I panicked, thinking it was Riu but then I was even more surprised when I realized it was someone else.
Riu is already asleep in his arms, he was holding his tiny hand and he's... crying. He still couldn't see me from behind, he was busy brushing his tears off, trembling.
Why? Because of the Mama Deer?
He pulled Riu closer to his chest, sobbing quietly
"I-I'm so sorry, baby... I'm so sorry," he murmured softly. "D-Daddy was a fool, a coward."
My forehead creased, sumikip ang puso ko habang pinagmamasdan siya kaya dumiretso ako patungo sa kanya.
I sat on the handrest of the sofa and called his attention.
"Cas?" Napabaling siya, namumungay ang mga mata. "What's the matter?"
"R-Reev..." I gasped when he let his head fall on my lap and hugged my waist. He sobbed. I brushed his hair.
"C-Cas..." I murmured.
"I-it's the father's fault," he said. "If he didn't leave his wife and child in the forest then they could have been alive until now."
"You mean... the deers?" I asked. He nodded.
Oh...
"The father could have protected his family. Kung hindi niya siguro inabandona, ligtas pa rin sila."
"The father left the other two deers?" Sumulyap ako sa TV. He nodded, lumipat ang tingin niya ang TV at tila nagsusumbong na tinuro iyon.
"He's a coward, Reev! He deserves to be eaten instead!"
"He just left? Baka naman may rason?" I asked.
"It has, but it wasn't reasonable," he said lowly I almost didn't hear.
"Huh?"
"The father deer left to find some food at naiwan ang mag-ina niya. Tapos naglaro 'yong baby deer and that's when the lion came. The father deer could have brought his family along with him, to keep them safe but he didn't, it was his fault!"
"No, it's not." Ngumuso ako at tinitigan siya. "You know, Cas, sometimes we leave for the greater good."
Umiling siya at nagbaba ng tingin.
"It's not for the greater good, Reev. It was a selfish act."
"The deer left for food, trying to feed his family. If he didn't left, walang makakain ang pamilya niya, 'di ba?"
"If he didn't leave then the mother would never endanger herself and their child." Dumiin ang boses niya, tila nagagalit sa sarili o ano... I don't know.
Pinagmasdan ko lang siya, pinapakinggan.
"It was his fault, Reev. He was selfish and stonehearted. He was just thinking of himself. If only he had stayed and kept them safe instead." Tila galit na galit siya doon sa daddy deer. His forehead's creasing, seryoso ang mga mata.
"Are we still talking about the deers, Cas?" I asked. He froze and lowered his head, humigpit ang yakap niya kay Riu at suminghap.
"I knew it." Ngumuso ako at hinaplos ang buhok niya. "It wasn't your fault, Caspian."
"It is," pilit niya.
Nang sumulyap ako sa kusina ay nakita kong papalabas si Amy kaya tinawag ko siya at pinalapit sa amin.
"Amy, could you bring Riu upstairs first?"
"Sige, Ma'am." Tumango siya at lumapit.
"Cas, come here. Amy will just bring Riu," tawag ko.
Confusion filled his eyes, hesitating. Tinanguan ko na kaya sa huli'y nagpaubaya at hinayaan na kunin ni Amy sa bisig niya.
He watched Riu with bloodshot eyes as Amy took her away and when they're gone, muling ibinaon niya ang mukha sa tiyan ko.
I caressed his hair, hinayaan ko siyang gano'n, walang imikan.
"R-Reev, can we see the stars?"
Reev... he was the only person who called me that and I loved it.
Tumango ako at nagpunta kami sa rooftop. Humawak ako sa barandilya at tumingala sa langit. Malamig ang simoy ng hangin kaya napahawak ako sa braso pero dagling nawala iyon at napalitan ng init niya nang magtungo siya sa likod ko.
He put his arms on my sides, caging me.
I sighed and smiled.
"Ayos ka na?" I asked when he rested his head on my hair.
"Better," he breathed.
When I felt his breath calming, hinawakan ko ang braso niya.
"What do you like more, Cas? The moon or the stars?"
"I used to like the moon but someone made me appreciate the stars more,"
"The nurse, I guess?" I smiled.
"Yes," he breathed.
"You must have really loved her that much, hmm?" I asked, hindi ko alam kung bakit ang sikip-sikip ng puso ko habang magkatabi kami.
"So much," he mumbled. "But too bad, I lost her, Reev."
"Like the daddy deer?" I asked. He nodded and took my hand, napatulala ako nang haplusin niya ang palad ko, tila naglalaro roon at gumuhit ng kung ano.
"All because of selfishness, Reev. Because of rage, immaturity, and ego."
"Wasn't it like the daddy deer's reason?"
"It's better if it's like that but no. If I could turn back the time, I'd do anything in my power to do things right so I won't lose her, I won't lose our child."
My breath quickened.
"She's... pregnant?" I asked and somehow, I felt emptier. I don't know if it's because I'm sure he's still in love with her or something else.
"We lost our child like how I lost myself for years. Just recently, I found out we had lost our firstborn."
Umalon ang sikmura ko.
"And... her?"
"I lost her," he muttered.
"She's dead?" Nanlaki ang mata ko.
He didn't answer. I didn't press.
She's gone?
"I'm sorry if sometimes I am too fond of Sirius. I can see my son in him, they could have been the same age if he's alive."
I nodded, naramdaman ko ang hawak niya sa tiyan ko at marahan akong hinapit palapit sa kanya hanggang sa mapaharap ako't magkatinginan kami. I leaned on his shoulder.
"My child could be one of the stars above." He pointed to the skies.
"I'm sure he's looking at you from above," I muttered but paused when I saw a falling star behind him.
"Wish!" I exclaimed and closed my eyes, muttering a prayer.
I wish happiness for Caspian, may his heart be filled with peace. I wish he wouldn't cry anymore.
I opened my eyes and saw his green eyes fixated on me, his gaze gentle and longing. I smiled.
"What's your wish?" Inabot ko ang pisngi niya para punasan ang natuyong luha.
"Nandito na siya ngayon," he whispered.
My heart skipped a beat. Halo ang kirot, saya at pait, naguguluhan din kung anong nararamdaman at kung saan lulugar.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, ibinaba ko ang kamay sa pisngi niya at humugot ng hininga.
Ang gulo-gulo... 'di ko na rin maintindihan ang sarili.
"Don't overthink, Reev," aniya. "I'm sorry if I confused you everytime but when the right time comes, I'll tell you everything. I hope... I only hope you'll understand me."
Understand what? Why is it I have to understand?
"I hope." Ngumiti na lang ako ng maliit. "I still have a lot of questions. I'm confused, I'm lost but I believe we won't be in the dark all the time. When it gets dark, the stars come out."
His lips curved for a smile. Sumandal ako sa barandilya at tumitig sa kawalan.
"Are you not afraid of the dark, Reev?"
"I have loved the stars too dearly to be fearful of the dark, Caspian," I murmured. "Just remember that darkest nights produce the brightest stars." I lifted my head and saw him staring dearly at me, his eyes went down my lips as he swallowed.
My breath caught in my lungs when he leaned in. He hesitated and I do, too, as much as I wanted it.
He licked his lip. "Malamig na, Reev. Baka mahamugan ka, pasok na tayo?" magaang tanong niya at hinawakan ako para ayain sa loob. I didn't bulge, he paused.
I swallowed.
"Cas?" I called and I didn't know why but deep inside me, I already anticipated his next move when his blazing green eyes caught mine.
Inisang hakbang niya ako, sinapo ang mukha at walang salitang tumungo para hulihin ang labi ko.
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