Promise To A Stardust (Published Under Flutter Fic)
Kabanata 15
Kabanata 15
"W-WHERE is it, Dad?" I demanded, my voice strained.
"L-Lars, hija, you can't go there in that state. I want you to calm down, okay?"
"Calm down?!" 'Di ko na napigilan ang galit. "You lied to me, Dad! Ikaw lang ang pinagkatiwalaan ko pero nagsinungaling ka! Itinago mo sa 'kin ang anak ko!"
"P-Polaris, I did that to keep you safe–"
"It was my son, Dad! Hindi 'yon ibang tao! Anak ko 'yon! Wala ba 'kong karapatang malaman man lang ang tungkol sa kanya? Wala ako no'ng kailangan niya 'ko tapos no'ng nawala siya... wala rin ako?"
"A-anak..."
"Tell me where you buried my son! Tell me!" I exclaimed. "Kahit awa na lang, Dad! Para sa apo mo!"
"Polaris..."
"D-Dad, please... I'm begging you. Please," I pleaded. "I want to see my child, Dad. 'Y-yong anak ko..."
"I'm really sorry, Lars." Nabakas ko ang lungkot sa boses ni Daddy. "I'm sorry for what happened to my grandson, g-ginawa namin ang lahat."
"J-just tell me where..." I gasped. "Tell me."
"I will send you the location," he promised. "I'm sorry again, anak."
Wala ako sa sarili habang nasa biyahe. I was devastated but a part of me is looking forward I would finally see my soon. Wala 'kong ibang maisip kung hindi ang anghel ko.
I couldn't believe my son was here all along. In the family mausoleum where my mom and grandparents are resting. Hindi ko pa nabisita sila simula nang makabaling ako't nandito pala sila kasama ang bituin ko.
At least, he's not alone, Lars. He's with Lola.
When I saw Mom's tomb, my tears escaped. Nanginginig pa ang tuhod nang lumapit ako at napansin ang mga bulaklak at kandilang mukhang bago lang o kanina inilagay.
"Hi, Mom," I whispered as I caressed her tomb, my gaze shifting to the tomb beside hers.
You're the brightest star.
In loving memory of
Aries Castor Reyes
Tuluyan na akong napasalampak sa sahig at inabot iyon.
"A-anak..." I whispered.
There are three white roses and candles just beside his tomb. I paused when I realized there were familiar toy cars beside it, identical to Riu's.
Binalewa ko 'yon. Maybe it was dad.
Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin sa anak.
"H-hey there, little star," I breathed. "M-Mommy's here. Sorry it took me a w-while but mommy's here."
I carefully took out my handkerchief and wiped the clean tomb again.
"I'm s-sorry, Castor. Malamig ba rito, 'nak? S-sorry, sorry... wala si Mommy. Sorry, late ako, anak. S-sorry, 'di kita nayakap, 'di kita nahawakan ng mahigpit. Sorry..."
I wailed. I had never cried this intensely that my head felt like it was splitting. I let it all out, apologizing nonstop to my son, for being an absent mother. For not being strong to hold unto him. For losing him.
Nang kumalma'y do'n ko lang napansin ang asul na envelope na nakaipit sa ilalim ng mga laruan. I reached for it and found a handwritten letter.
Castor,
Hello, my little star! How are you up there, buddy? Are you happy there? Playing with the angels God gave to you? It's me, your Papa. Sa totoo lang ay nahihiya akong magpunta rito at magpakilala sa 'yo bilang Papa po. I didn't have the right to after what happened but I recognize my mistakes and will forever make it up to you and Mama.
Sorry for the things I did, my angel. I'm sorry Papa isn't strong enough to hold you and your Mama. Sorry kung mahina ang Papa, anak. Sorry if I broke my promise. Sorry for failing you, anak. It's all my fault. If I could turn back time, I'd do things right and better so your mother didn't have to suffer and I wouldn't lose you both.
I promise to take care of Mama, pangako anak bibisitahin kita palagi rito. I will give you the latest toys so you can play up there. Smile, my angel. We'll always look up to you with the stars.
Mama and Papa love you, our star.
Sincerely yours,
Papa Caspian
Mas naging emosyonal ako sa sulat pero 'di rin nawala ang pait.
So he knew all along? He knew we lost a child, he knew where to find him but didn't even bother telling me. Hanggang ngayon ay ginagago niya pa rin ako.
It was a suffocating feeling but I laid myself on the floor and stared at my mom and son's tomb.
"My, t-take care of my little star," pakiusap ko. "T-tell mommy loves him so much."
I stayed there for I didn't know how long. I didn't care about the cold. I just want to stay with my son.
"I'll find justice, Castor. I'll find out who did this to us," I promised.
I closed my eyes just as a memory flashed.
"What are you doing, Cas?" Bumaba ang tingin ko kay Caspian na yakap-yakap ang baywang ko at kanina pa humahalik sa tiyan ko.
"Kissing your stomach,"
"For?" I asked, gasping when he slid his head inside my shirt!
"Babe!" I hissed.
"May laman na kaya 'to?" He murmured, kissing my bare skin.
"Anong laman?" I chuckled. "We'll plan for a child after we get married."
"Kapag nagkaanak tayo, lalaki kaya o babae?" He asked and pulled himself out again.
"Kahit ano, as long as he or she is healthy then we're good."
He nodded. Tumayo siya para pantayan ako. He smiled as he caught me close.
"I hope they got your eyes," I mumbled, staring at his wonderful orbs.
"I hope yours too," he wished. "Tag-isa tayo, Reev."
"Tag-isa?"
"Hmm, one will get the green eyes and one will get those sultry black eyes of yours."
"So, dalawa?" Tumaas ang kilay ko.
"Nah, five or more will do." He grinned.
My eyes widened, pinalo ko ang braso niya at natatawang inabot niya ang kamay ko at hinalikan.
"Ano ako, baboy?" I hissed. "Ang hirap manganak, hoy, lalaki!"
He chuckled, iniangat ang ulo para halikan ang labi ko.
"Mahal kita, Polaris Reeva. Kahit ilan, basta sa 'yo, masaya ako."
Naupo ako at hinawi ang mga luha, muling pinupunasan ang lapida ng anak nang marinig ko ang ingay sa gate.
My jaw clenched when I came face to face with that bastard, his eyes wide, surprised.
"R-Reev?"
Mula sa 'kin ay napunta ang tingin niya sa lapida at humakbang palapit, mapungay ang mata.
"B-babe," he called as he walked slowly. Napatayo ako at umatras hanggang sa makalabas. Sumunod siya.
He was wearing his usual black armani suit. Intimidating and out of reach, like that different man in Casa Amara. The only weakness I saw at the moment was the pain and horror in his bloodshot eyes.
But I don't believe it. He's a good actor. He fucking knows how to fake things up.
"B-babe, ano'ng ginagawa mo rito?" Muli siyang sumulyap sa loob at mas kumawala ang luha nang matanto ang nangyayari. "I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry about our child–"
"Our child?" I asked sharply. "How dare you mourn over my child?"
Umling siya. "Reev–"
"He wasn't yours, you said," I said bitterly.
"Reev, l-listen, I didn't mean–"
"So why are you weeping over my son?" I spat. "Dapat wala kang pakialam sa kanya kasi hindi siya sa 'yo, 'di ba?"
"I-I thought he wasn't," his voice was broken. "A-akala ko niloloko mo ako–"
"Sa bagay, sino ba naman ako sa 'yo? Oh, basura? Tama ba?" Tumitig ako sa kanya. Desperado siyang umiling.
"Listen, babe. P-please listen,"
"Listen? Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo? Sa 'kin ba, nakinig ka?" Sumbat ko. "When I told you I was pregnant and it was yours, nakinig ka?"
Umiling siya at nagbaba ng tingin, tila nahihiya sa sarili.
"H-hindi, 'di ba?" Pagak akong natawa. "Now, tell me why I should listen to you."
"I didn't mean it, Reev. N-nagalit lang ako. Alam k-kong mali na 'di ako nakinig. Babalikan k-kita. Nagpapalamig lang ako–"
"Babalikan kapag ano? Malamig na bangkay na rin kami?"
His lips parted, the horror tripled. He looked vulnerable as he desperately shook his head.
"Don't say t-that!"
"Why not? Is there any difference? Wala ka ng babalikan, matagal na kaming wala sa 'yo," putol ko.
Tumango siya at napatungo, nahihiya.
"S-sorry..."
"Where were you when those bastards hurt us?" I didn't hide the anger in my voice. "I waited for you, Caspian! I hoped you'd come but you didn't!"
"I-I'm sorry..." he chanted. "I'm sorry..."
"Where were you when I needed you? When our child need a father? Nasaan ka?"
Umiling siya. "W-wala, I'm sorry, Reev. K-kasalanan ko." He tried reaching out to me but I refused. "W-what can I do? I'll do everything, p-please..."
"Para sa'n pa ba?" I scoffed. "Para sa'n pang humihingi ka ng tawad? Our son's gone! You proved your point of using me. You got Cheska, bakit mo pa ako ginago at ginamit?"
Surprised flickered his expression.
"What are you saying? R-Reev, I didn't!" He shook his head desperately.
"You didn't? Wasn't that the reason you gave me when you broke up with me?"
"I wasn't into her! I lied! I lied b-because I thought you cheated. P-please, babe. L-listen. Mahal kita! H-hindi kita ginamit lang, mahal kita. Papakasalan kita!"
"Bullshit. Sobrang babaw ng pagmamahal mong 'yan, Mr. Alcantara. If that's what you call love then keep it to yourself then. It's trash."
Inabot niya ang kamay ko, nagsusumamo ang mga mata't boses na pakinggan siya.
"I don't want to see you again,"
I walked out. My head was still aching. My eyes are hurt. My chest's heavy. Mabilis ang lakad ko palayo nang mapatalon sa biglang kulog at pag-guhit ng kidlat sa langit.
It was so dark. Gloomy. Even the stars refused to show up tonight.
Even the stars left me alone tonight. How fitting.
I froze when a pair of strong arms stopped me from walking away. A desperate embrace and his head on my neck made me instantly weak.
"B-babe, babawi ako," he pleaded. "I-I'm sorry. M-mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita. Tell me what I'll do, I'll do it. G-give me a chance."
"Marami kang p-pagkakataon, Cas, pero sinayang mo lahat." I let out a shaky breath. "Bitawan mo 'ko." Inalis ko ang braso niya pero mas humigpit ang hawak niya, takot na takot.
"No, p-please," he cried. "Parang-awa mo na, Reev. H'wag mo ko paalisin."
"Let me go!" A harsh half-stifled yell left my lips. Umiling siya.
"A-ayoko. H'wag. D-don't make me..."
"You lied to me!" I screamed. "M-masaya bang pagkatuwaan ako, Caspian? Habang wala akong maalala? Siguro pinagtatawanan mo ako habang mukha akong tangang naniniwala sa 'yo!"
"I didn't mean to lie to you. I didn't mean to hide everything from you. I just want you back! I've been looking for you k-kaya desperado lang ako! G-gagawin ko ang lahat! 'Di ko masabi kasi natatakot ako, Reev. K-kapag nalaman mo, iiwan mo 'ko–"
"Ito na nga 'yon, iiwan na kita." Hinaklit ko ang braso niya paalis at kumawala pero 'di pa nakakahakbang ay napunta na siya sa harapan ko.
He looked like a mess with his disheveled hair, puffy nose, and bloodshot eyes. Lukot na ang suit niya, desperado at umiiyak sa harapan ko.
"P-parang awa mo na, Reev," makaawa niya. Umiwas ako pero humarang siya. "N-nagmamakaawa ako, Reev. I-isang tiyansa pa, babawi ako."
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa nakakaawang itsura niya. He looked like he actually meant it but I refused to be a fool again.
"R-Reev..." He cupped my face with his shaking hands. He made me look at him. Kitang-kita ko ang bigo at sakit sa mga berde niyang mata. "I-isang pagkakataon pa, mahal, h-hindi ko na sasayangin."
"Sinayang mo na ang huling tiyansa, Alcantara. Bitawan mo 'ko."
"It's my fault. Kung nakinig lang ako sa 'yo, kung 'di ako nagpadala sa galit at iniwan ka. S-sana nakinig ako–"
"I was fucking harassed!" I pushed him. "I woke up with that bastard beside me! You'll know if you answered my calls! If you listened to me but you didn't! You assumed, Alcantara! K-kung nakinig ka... kung 'di mo 'ko binitawan, kung 'di mo pinako ang pangako... s-sana limang taon na si Castor!"
He nodded, accepting my anger. I smacked his chest and he let me, not even shielding himself.
"When I came back, if you told me the truth from the get go, baka maintindihan ko pa, Caspian! Kasi wala kang alam sa katotohanan noon! Kasi nadala ka sa damdamin mo! You should've let me know instead of making me believe your lies! I saw the signs, Cas!" I spat bitterly. "Kaso nagbulag-bulagan ako kasi may tiwala ako sa 'yo! Kasi mahal kita!"
I burst out. Naramdaman ko na ang pagpatak ng ambon sa braso ko.
"H-hate me... Tatanggapin ko 'yong galit mo," he stuttered, taking my hand and desperately made me smack him on the chest. "S-saktan mo ako! I'll accept everything! Hate me, Reev. I-It's all my fault but please, I'm begging you, h'wag mo naman akong iwan, o-oh? 'Di ko k-kakayanin. I-ilang taon kitang hinanap. Kapag nawala ka, 'di ko na alam. H-hate me, I'll accept everything."
I watched him helplessly. Trying to make sense if it was really just hate that's making me feel this way. I realized something.
I pulled away.
"I-I don't hate you, Cas." I locked gazes with him. "I am just disappointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be."
Mas malaking buti ng tubig ang nahulog sa braso ko't maya-maya'y nahulog na ng tuluyan ang ulan. My eyes were stuck on Caspian's hopeless eyes.
He was in pain and it shows.
The rain fell mercilessly and to my surprise, he lowered his body and knelt in front of me, lowering his head in shame and regret.
"G-gagawin ko lahat, Reev," pakiusap niya at inabot ang palad ko.
"Lahat?" I asked.
He hopefully looked up to me, nodding.
"T-then give me back my son," I demanded. Mas nanlumo siya.
"I-I can't, Reev. I'm sorry. Hindi ko kaya." Nanghihinang sinabi niya.
"T-then, I can't give my forgiveness too,"
His shoulders fell. I heaved a controlled breath when he hugged my legs, sumubsob siya sa tiyan ko, humihikbi, walang sawang nagmamakaawa.
"Gagawin ko lahat, 'di ako susuko. D-dito lang ako, 'di na ako m-mawawala. Hayaan mo lang ako, ako na ang bahala sa lahat."
I shook my head. The rain was soaking us but I was numb I couldn't feel the cold.
"Let's not see each other again, Caspian. You disgust me."
He cried like a lost child. Nahuhulog pa ang katawan niya at idinikit ang noo sa sapatos ko, nagmamakaawa pero wala na talaga akong maramdaman.
Tanging pait, panghihinayang at sakit na lang para sa kanya.
"I-I hope you find a better person than me, Cas."
"R-Reev, hindi!" Nag-angat siya ng tingin. "Don't say that. You're the best, Reev. Don't say that."
"S-sorry, Cas, if I believed I could be a star but I guess I could only be a mere dust to you." Humakbang ako palayo. "Find someone who shines better than I am, I am not worth it,"
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