Promise To A Stardust (Published Under Flutter Fic)
Kabanata 14
Kabanata 14
PARA 'kong lumulutang. I didn't know where I was going. Diretso ang lakad ko palabas kung 'di lang may humawak nang pulsuhan ko.
"Polaris!" Pagkalingon ko'y natigilan pagkakita no'ng lalaking pamilyar na lalaki. Mabilis kong hinaklit ang kamay ko palayo.
"Sino ka?" I scoffed.
My tone surprised him.
"Claude," aniya. "You still don't remember me?"
Something heavier fell on the pit of my stomach as I remembered a disturbing memory I had. Of that man with black eyes–it was him.
"No. Mauuna na 'ko," mariin kong sabi at tumalikod pero nahawakan niya 'kong muli. "What?!"
"Don't scream!" he panicked and looked around. "They weren't supposed to see us."
"Then maybe you should leave," I pulled my hand away. "Hindi ba't may restraining order ka?"
It stopped him. "Lars..."
"Leave before I scream–"
"No! I won't hurt you!" he pleaded. "Please, Lars. I-I just want to tell you everything. Please..."
A part of want to push him away and scream in his face but his offer was tempting.
"Truth about what?"
"Caspian is fooling you. Nakita mo siya, 'di ba? He wasn't the simple man he's making you believe, Lars! He's a hotelier, he's a billionaire! He wanted to take his revenge on you."
"I already know that." I brushed my hair frustratedly. "Anything else?"
"He broke up with you..."
"I know."
"Do you know the reason why? You found out he's only using you to make Cheska jealous, kaya ka niya nilapitan noon."
I sighed loudly.
Seems like Cheska's really that girl, huh? At ako pa ang naisipan niyang pain?
Nanakit ang gilid ng mata ko panibagong banta ng luha pero pinigil ko iyon. I sighed.
"Nothing's new, mauuna na 'ko–"
"We had a relationship before! You slept with me to spite him!" He exclaimed. My shoulder tensed.
"W-what?"
"I want you back! You said you'd give me another chance and..." Hinagilap niya ang mga salita at nag-iwas. "You slept with me."
My forehead creased. My head throbbed painfully.
He's an ex-boyfriend?
"I didn't," I said with certainty.
"Polaris–"
"I was fucking crying!" Dinuro ko siya. "Was that supposed to be a reaction of someone who slept with you willingly?"
"Lars, listen!" he exclaimed. "We're better than when you're with the bastard! Sinabihan na kitang niloloko ka lang but you didn't listen until you found out the truth! He found out you're with me! Siya pa ang may ganang magalit at makipaghiwalay sa 'yo!"
I shook my head.
"Shut up..."
"He only wanted revenge! When he found out you're back and couldn't remember him, he wanted to fool you! To get even!"
"Please, leave," kalmado kong sinabi.
"I was your boyfriend! Ako na lang ulit! He'll only hurt you! Lars, p-please, I'll be better. I'll treat you better–"
"Guards!" sigaw ko, tinatawag ang atensyon ng nasa gate ng hotel.
"N-no..." He shook his head. "Believe me, please! Lars–"
"Guards!" ulit ko at nang makitang papalapit na ang tinawag ko ay umiling siya.
"You're making the wrong decision, Polaris. Sasaktan ka lang niya!" he repeated, escaping before the guards got him.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚
ILANG oras akong tulala sa labas ng hotel hanggang sa masiguradong ayos na ang itsura't 'di na mapapansin ni Riu ang itsura ko.
Caspian was calling but I turned my phone off.
I need to know the truth. I won't trust anyone but myself. These people fooled me, including that bastard, Caspian Alcantara.
Liar.
When I got home and saw the familiar tricycle in front of the house, my chest felt tighter. I'll commend him for the effort of fooling me. What a great fucking actor.
Inihanda ko ang sarili bago pumasok at nakita siyang nakaupo sa couch habang nakadapa si Riu sa sofa.
Caspian's busy checking his phone, nodding to answer Riu's curious questions. Biglang lumabas ang aso sa kusina, tumahol at tinakbo ako.
"Mimi!" Riu blurted happily. I saw him jump on the bed and hopped closer. Dumukwang ako para hagkan siya at haplusin ang ulo ng aso.
"Mimi! Mimi, Papa is here!" Riu informed but my eyes stayed at the dog cuddling with me.
Naramdaman ko ang presensya ni Caspian na tumayo sa tabi ko.
"Have you eaten, Cas?" I mumbled to the dog.
"Not yet, babe, I'm waiting for you. Pero kumain na si bulilit, 'di ba, Riu?" ani Caspian. 'Di ako sumagot.
Riu looked at me curiously and beamed, "Mimi! Kumain na po si Caspian dog!"
"Good, thanks, little star." I kissed him again and stood.
Sinalubong ako ni Caspian. Pinigilan ko ang emosyong kumawala at sinalubong ang tingin niya.
"Maaga kang umalis?" he asked lightly. "I'm sorry 'di ako nakapag-update kung nasaan ako kagabi. Busy lang kasi last day no'ng event nina Wave. Nakauwi ako kanina lang, lowbatt ka ba? Hindi ko kasi ma-contact ang phone mo."
Tumango ako bago sumulyap sa kusina no'ng tumakbo si Riu kasama ang aso. "Nagluto si Amy?"
"I did," aniya at muling hinuli ang tingin ko. "How are you? Kinakain mo ba 'yong mga padala kong lunch?"
Muli ko siyang tinitigan.
"I missed you," he breathed, the exhaustion visible in his eyes. "Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo? You're quiet, babe."
I fought the flinch when he felt my temperature. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko.
"Are you okay? Nangangalumata ka. Nag-double shift ka na naman ba? I'm sorry at niyayakap kita kaagad. Napagod lang talaga 'ko at ang daming ginawa."
Kagaya ng ano? Ang lokohin ako? Must be a lot of work, huh?
Inikot niya ang braso sa baywang ko para yakapin ako. He buried his face on my shoulder as he let out a sigh of relief.
"You asked if Cas, the dog, had eaten yet. 'Yong Caspian na tao ba, 'di mo tatanungin?" he teased.
Hindi ako sumagot. Ni wala akong lakas na magpanggap at yakapin siya pabalik. Malambing at kalmado ang boses, ibang-iba sa persona niyang nakita ko kanina.
He's a good pretender.
"May mens ka ba? 'Di ka umiimik?" he chuckled. When I felt him lean and give me a smooch on the cheek, I pulled away.
"Reev?" nagtatakang tanong niya. "May problema ba tayo–"
"Pagod ako," malamig kong sinabi bago dumiretso sa kusina para kumain. He followed me.
Nasalubong ko si Riu na hinahabol na ang aso para makipaglaro kasunod si Amy na nakabantay sa kanila pabalik sa sala.
"Hindi pa 'ko kumakain, babe. Sabay na tayo?"
Hindi ako nagsalita, ibinaba ko ang nag ko sa counter at binuksan ang cabinet.
"Reev..." Sunod niya. Kinuha ko ang instant noodles sa cabinet at nilapag iyon sa counter.
Nangunot ang noo niya. "Don't eat that, may niluto ako–"
"Wala akong gana,"
"Hmm? Why? No. Real food's better than noodles. Paborito mo ang niluto mo, tokwa't-baboy?"
Kung normal na araw ay hinding-hindi ko 'yon tatanggihan pero umiling ako ngayon.
"Nauumay na 'ko," sagot ko at sinubukan siyang iwasan kung 'di niya ako naikulong sa pagitan ng braso niya.
"What do you like to eat, then? Aalma sana ako pero 'di na nagawa nang ngumiti siya. "Upo ka lang muna, babe, ah? 'Di p'wedeng 'di ka kakain ng maayos. Napagod ka sa trabaho, dapat may laman ang tiyan mo."
"Bahala ka," sinabi ko na lang at tinulak ang dibdib niya pala makalayo, mabigat ang pakiramdam.
He cooked for me. Naligo na muna ako at pagbalik ay patapos na siya, abala sa pag-aayos ng pinggan.
A flash of memory appeared again, of his naked back wearing aprons while he's cooking for me.
He turned his body in my direction, in sync with his memory in my head. His face brightened.
"Tsaran!" he proudly showed off his omelette and fried rice, may tustadong corn beef pa at juice.
"Thanks," I muttered when he lifted a chair for me.
Naupo siya sa gilid ko, nagmamasid.
"How's work, babe? Na-busy ba sa pasyente?" he started.
"As usual," I mumbled.
"I see," he chuckled. "Sa amin din, ang busy." He started telling me more lies and I couldn't even understand a thing. I just want to get this done and leave.
Tumayo siya. Naramdaman ko ang pagkuha niya ng tuwalya sa ulo ko't pinunasan ang buhok ko. His long fingers ran through my strand and brushed it.
"Reev, may problema ba tayo?" 'Di na niya kinaya. "I'm sorry, was it because I didn't update you last night?"
"It's fine," I mumbled.
The tension was palpable.
"Reev–"
"Tapos na 'ko," I announced and stood. Dumiretso ako sa lababo para ilagay ang pinggan, iiwas na nang maramdaman ko siya sa likod ko.
My heart throbbed when he embraced me from the back, his face on my neck.
"Reev, may problema tayo?" he asked lowly, pleadingly. "Tell me. May nagawa ba 'ko? Please, let me know so we can address it. Kung may problema ka sa 'kin, aayusin ko–"
"Saan ka galing?" I asked.
"I'm with Wave," he answered.
Lie.
"What do you do for a living?"
"Hmm?" He was confused. "You knew. I'm a driver–"
Another lie.
"Who are you in my life, Caspian?"
"You're my girlfriend," aniya. "Why? Tell me what's wrong, babe." Inabot niya ako para ipaharap pero lumayo na ko't umiling.
"Sorry, pagod lang. Pahinga na ako."
I left him there and brought Riu to bed. The kid is smart, napansin niya ang akto ko sa Papa niya.
"Mimi, bati kayo po ni Papa?"
"Y-yes, baby. I'm sorry, napagod lang si Mimi, anak. Kaya gano'n. Sige na, tulog na."
His green eyes were curious but he nodded and beamed, kissing my cheek before letting me tuck him to bed.
"Good night, my star."
Habang nag-aayos ako sa kwarto ay bumukas 'yon at sumilip si Caspian.
"Reev?"
"Bakit? Tulog na si Riu,"
"I know, I..." He licked his lip and let himself in. "I'm just wondering if I could sleep over tonight? Gabi na kasi at pagod ako, kahit sa sofa lang?"
A part of me wanted to kick him out but I don't have the heart to. It's late and he looked worn out.
"Help yourself," I murmured and continued folding the sheets.
"Thank you, shower lang ako."
When he went in my bathroom, nahiga ako katabi kay Riu na tulog na tulog. My star's features were soft. Fair skinned, chubby cheek and pinkish lips. Mahaba rin ang pilikmata niya at walang singganda ang mga mata.
He somehow reminded me of my son.
My lost star.
He's probably just around his age if he's alive. I wonder what it would be like to have him in my arms.
Niyakap ko si Riu na nagsumiksik din sa 'kin. His warmth lifted a weight off my chest.
What's the truth? Who fathered my child? Who abandoned us?
Was it Claude? Or was it Caspian?
If it's the latter then it would destroy me. It's painful enough to know that he was fooling me to make Cheska jealous but it will wreck me if he fathered my child and left us... just like that.
'Di ko siya mapapatawad. Hinding-hindi.
Dad isn't returning my calls yet. I've bombarded him with messages, demanding answers. Demanding to know what happened to Castor. Where they buried him but none, he's like a ghost and every day, without those answers, mas lalo akong nauubos.
I closed my eyes when I heard the bathroom door creaking. I felt the bed move. Naramdaman ko ang paghiga niya sa tabi ko't pagyakap niya mula sa likod.
"Babe, are you asleep?" He rasped.
He pulled me and Riu gently closer. Naramdaman ko ang pag-angat niya ng ulo ko't pinahiga ako sa braso niya. He spooned me and Riu before burying his face on my nape.
Narinig ko na ang malalim niyang paghinga at ang paghaplos niya sa kwintas ko.
"I hope you'll feel better and talk to me tomorrow," he whispered, pained. "I didn't know what happened. You're probably just tired pero ako... 'di ako mapapagod. Aantayin kong ayos ka na para kausapin ako."
"I'm sorry..." he breathed. "For everything. Let me settle things first, let me make this right then I'll tell you the truth. I'll accept everything, please. I-I love you."
Then, I was surprised when I heard him sob.
"I-I missed you. G-gusto ko ulit marinig mula sa 'yong magiging ayos rin lahat," he whispered. "N-na nandyan ka lang kahit anong mangyari, na hindi ka bibitaw. Na 'di natin bibitawan ang isa't-isa.
He tried to stop his sobs that he was trembling.
"M-mahal na mahal kita. Please, please forgive me."
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚
I'VE decided to finally grab the opportunity to face the truth, head on.
Wala pa ring natatanggap na maayos na sagot mula sa 'kin si Caspian. I went to meet the doctor who I've been talking to since I got here months ago about my condition.
"You're here, Lars." He smiled. "Finally, napag-isip-isip mo na ba?"
"Good day, doc," I greeted.
Pinaupo niya ako. Dr. De Jesus was a psychiatrist and a registered hypnotist.
"Are you ready, Lars?" ulit niya. "You have to be aware that hypnosis won't guarantee a complete memory recall. It could help individuals access repressed memories like in your case but please know that there are risks of creating false memories or distorting actual memories in this process."
"I am aware, doc," I exhaled. "I just want a glimpse–just a few glimpses, I want answers to my questions."
"I believe you've remembered things already, correct?"
"Yes, doc,"
"Alright. Let's do this but we'll take it slow, okay? I don't want to force and confuse your mind. This session is hopefully light."
Pinaupo niya ako sa couch bago siya naupo sa harapan ko.
"Ready?"
"Yes, doc,"
"Alright. Polaris, I want you to close your eyes." I followed.
I relaxed my mind and body, imagining a hollow space of emptiness.
"Breathe in..." I inhaled. "Breathe out," I exhaled.
Paulit-ulit naming ginawa iyon hanggang sa makondisyon. I only heard the ticking of something, how my consciousness went somewhere and I felt like floating.
"I want you to clear your mind, Polaris," he murmured. "Now, you're standing in an empty white room, correct?"
I nodded, seeing the endless emptiness ahead of me then three doors appeared when he suggested it.
"Now, you are seeing three doors. I want you to go in the first door." His voice was like a soft whisper, a dream. "Walk slowly, there, open it. Get inside."
Binuksan ko ang pintuan at sinalubong ng dilim. I stepped inside and suddenly, as if my body was transported into someone else and I'm standing in the hospital.
It was the usual hustle. Ang magulo at nagdadagsaang tao sa ER. Everyone was busy but my gaze went to two green-eyed gentlemen waiting for their turn, sugatan at may pasa.
Everyone was occupied so I accommodated them.
They're both tall, handsome, and very attractive. Tahimik at seryoso ang isa, mas kaunti ang galos but that one man with a massive black eye and cocky expression caught my attention.
He kept on staring. Sa unang tingin ay mukha siyang intimidating pero kapag nagkakatinginan kami'y namumungay ang mata niya'y ngumingiti ng maamo, parang nanghihina ang tuhod ko kaya binalingan ko ulit 'yong isa.
"Ano'ng nangyari, Sir?" I asked formally.
"Nothing, nabugbog lang," aniya kaya nawala ang kilig ko at tumaas ang kilay.
"E, basagulero ka pala e!" I was saying those words before I could even stop myself.
His laugher echoed. Natutop ko ang bibig, nagpa-panic sa nasabi.
"O-oh my God, sorry, Sir! H-hindi ko napigilan 'yong bibig ko!" I exclaimed and slapped my mouth.
His lip twitched. My back straightened. It's unfortunate but sometimes, we encounter difficult patients. 'Yong biglang mananakot na magsusumbong sa management!
"Hindi na ako magagalit sa isang kondisyon,"
"Sir?"
"Ano munang pangalan mo?" He asked and smiled handsomely.
Huh?
"Prince Caspian Alcantara," aniya habang tulala ako. He offered his hand. "Can I be yours?"
"H-huh?" I asked dumbly.
"Corny amputa. Gago ka, Kuya!" Binatukan no'ng kasama niya si Caspian.
"What? I was just asking her name!" He whined. "'Di ba..." Bumaba ang tingin niya sa name plate ko. "Nurse Reev?"
"R-Reev? Polaris na lang, Sir," I said. "Polaris Reeva Reyes." I pointed to my nameplate.
"Mas gusto ko Reev," He pouted and smiled. "Ang haba ng pangalan mo, e, Polaris. Tinatamad ako magsalita kaya Reev na lang."
"P'wede ring Lars?" I suggested.
"Ayaw, gusto ko Reev. Para cute." He shrugged and smiled again, walang pakialam kung may black eye siya at mukha siyang panda.
That is how we first met.
Ever since that day, I've been seeing him everyday outside the hospital, waiting for me at the gates. He'd offer to take me home. I refused and rode a public transpo. He followed it home and waited 'til I'm inside and safe, then he'll leave.
He was gifting me with lavish gifts. Chocolates, flowers, name it but I might be a little bit conscious with rich people. I think they're complicated.
I have nothing against their money because personally, I love money, but I know some people who use it to manipulate others.
He noticed it. Ayaw ko ng gano'ng regalo kaya tumigil siya. His approach changed, he admitted into liking me and asking for permission to pursue me.
I'll be a hypocrite if I deny I'm attracted to him, too, so I let him prove himself. And he was indeed, amazing.
I loved it better when he shows me he care in the simplest ways. Sinusundo niya 'ko sa bahay at magko-commute kaming dalawa papunta sa trabaho at pauwi. He'd personally pick flowers from his mom's garden–as per him–to give me. Nagrereklamo pa ngang napagalitan daw siya pero no'ng nalamang para sa nililigawan ay tinulungan pa siyang mamitas.
He found out my weakness. The adobo't-tokwa and heck, I couldn't resist when he insisted of cooking me food for my duty.
Alagang-alaga niya ako. Even my co-nurses were giddy when he's around. Ayaw na ayaw kasi 'ko nitong dumepende sa kape kaya kapag graveyard ko? Nakiki-graveyard din ang loko.
"Hindi ba dapat nagpapahinga ka?" I asked when I saw him in the lobby with his laptop.
"Graveyard din ako, babe," he beamed.
"Huh? E, umaga ang pasok mo?"
"Nagpalipat ako," he said proudly. "Perks of being the heir, kapag trip ko na change shift, wala silang magagawa. Kaya ayon, sabay tayo!"
The more I am with him, mas nakikila ko siya. He shared me his life, including an ex of his from an elite family. Politician ang ama.
He said they got together for business, it's a set-up and because he had no one else that time, he didn't mind. He didn't have feelings for her. He couldn't even consider her as a friend because they were not compatible.
However, it's a business deal kaya nakisama siya but he found out she's cheating on him with her driver! He cut their connection and broke up with her.
In the first few months, I doubted his love. Maybe he was using me as a pastime or to move on from her that I rejected his first attempt of asking me to be his girlfriend.
But the brute was persistent! Palaban! He consistently courted me, proved that he's deserving of my heart and finally, I let him have it. He promised not to hurt me and I'm hoping he would never break it.
The only worry we had was how Cheska became so obsessive that when she heard he's courting someone, she was livid. She harassed Caspian, including me.
She went to work and threatened me. At that time, Cas still didn't have much capability to stop her when her family's powerful. His famiy's clueless din at ayaw kong umabot 'yon doon.
During that time ay kakasagot ko pa lang kay Cas kaya nagkasundo kaming itatago muna ang relasyon para sa kaligtasan ko–at sa kanya din.
"Kapag nasa akin na ang hotel pangako bibilhin ko 'tong restaurant na 'to," he said while we're stargazing from the balcony of our favorite restaurant.
Natawa ako at binalingan siya. "Bakit? Sayang ang pera mo. Nagte-train ka pa lang at hindi pa malaki ang nakukuha mo? Why invest on this? Magsasara na sila next year."
Yes, it was disheartening. We loved to date here but early this year, the owner filed for bankruptcy.
"That's the reason. Magsasara, may bagong itatayo. Wala na tayong favorite na kakainan? We have so many memories here, Reev."
"Hindi ba... sayang sa pera?" I chuckled. "You're investing a lot for me when we're only dating for a couple of months?"
His brows furrowed. "I'm dating you with the hopes of marrying you, Reev." My lips parted. "And it will never be a waste of money if I'm doing it for you."
My cheeks heated, the thought of marrying him was so tempting. Of course, I want to.
"Marami pa namang kainan? Maybe we can find a new favorite place?"
"This one's special. This is our place. I want to keep this, pag-iipunan ko, bibilhin ko para sa 'yo," he was determinated, ni walang agam-agam sa berdeng mga mata.
I reached for his hand on the table while he easily opens his palm and take mine, filling the spaces in between my fingers with his.
"We loved to watch stars here, waiting for shooting stars. This is where we had our first date, this is where you agreed to be my girlfriend."
"I didn't know you're this sentimental, huh?"
He pouted. "Minor lang 'yan, babe. Baka kapag nakita mo ang scrapbook na ginawa ko sa 'tin itakwil mo ako."
Napabughalit ako ng tawa. "Seriously?! Patingin!"
Nag-iwas siya at namula.
"Uy..." Kinalabit ko ang tainga niya. "Hindi kita aasarin kung naparami 'yong glue mo."
"Hey," he whined. "'Di kaya madami."
"I'll believe it when you show me," I teased.
Tumitig siya, pinisil ang kamay ko at tumango. "Alright, I'll let you judge it. In one condition,"
"Wow, may kondisyon?" I chuckled. "What is it?"
"I..." he sighed. "We had memories in this place, Reev, reason why I want to save this. I kept photos and memories, hence, the scrapbook."
I chuckled despite the racing of my heartbeats.
"And I'll show it to you, only you let me add another memory to capture. That's when I ask your hand for marriage."
My lips parted when he moved and knelt his one knee on the ground. Napatayo ako, gulat na gulat.
"C-Cas..."
"Polaris Reeva Reyes," he breathed and looked at me with those starry green eyes, glistening, twinkling. "My babe, my nurse, my favorite star... will you marry me?"
Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luhang kumawala habang tumatango.
"Y-yes, yes, I will marry you!"
Nahulog ang isang tuhod niya paluhod, gulat din at nanginginig pa ang kamay habang isinusuot sa daliri ko ang singsing. Namumungay ang mata niya.
"T-thank you, thank you. I love you." He pressed a kiss on my hand, crying.
"I love you," I leveled his gaze because he couldn't stand anymore. "Let's not hurt and leave each other, h-hmm? For better or for worse?"
He nodded continuously.
"T-the stars witness everything, Cas. They witnessed our love and made our wishes to find each other come true. Let's not break it. Let's promise to the stars?" I showed him my pinky.
"You're my star," he chuckled. "I promise to you."
"Ang cheesy naman," I laughed, my eyes still blurry. "Alright, I'm your star, but it was them who heard it and sealed it with fate. We met each other because our paths aligned and did not just come across."
"I'm sure it will align. Nabasa ko sa daily horoscope compatible raw ang zodiac sign natin," ani Cas kaya napahagalpak na ako at hinampas ang braso niya.
"Alright. I promise to the stars," he made a pact while staring at me with a promise, linking his finger to mine.
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚
HOWEVER, one night changed everything. Caspian was away for a business conference when I got invited to a college friend's bridal shower. There, I met Claude again. An ex-boyfriend back in college.
It was nice to see him and catch up. We separated in good graces way back to pursue our career. Siya kasi'y nag-ibang bansa samantalang ako'y sa Pilipinas lang.
He confessed his interest of pursuing me again, saying he will stay here for good. Obviously, I rejected him.
"Sorry, Claude. I'm getting married." I even showed him my engagement ring, telling him all about this amazing man I'm marrying.
It was actually pretty fun the night. Nakapag-bonding ako sa mga dating kaibigan, inuman, kwentuhan. Ni hindi ko na na-text si Caspian na baka mag-stay ako ngayong gabi rito at nag-aaya silang mag bar hop!
But something unusual happened. While we're in the middle of the bar hop, I felt dizzy. Hindi pa naman marami ang nainom ko pero hilong-hilo ako. The last thing I remembered was me almost falling from the stool and a pair of arms catching.
Then... I felt a lips on mine.
I woke up the next morning, feeling terrible waking up in a stranger's bed. I was hysterical, screaming when I saw Claude beside me in his boxer shorts! Samantalang ay undergarments lang at shirt niya ang suot ko!
Sinampal ko siya, sinisigawan sa galit nang pagdadala niya sa 'kin doon. He explained, saying he was drunk too and kissed me but nothing happened. He only brought and changed me here because I puke on my clothes.
But it didn't change a thing. It was still harassment!
Umiiyak akong umalis do'n, tumatawag kay Caspian para magsumbong pero out of coverage siya! I reached out to him. In his work emails, through his secretary pero abala lang daw siya!
I still haven't open up to him about what happened because I want to tell him personally but nothing... days had passed. Nothing.
I realized I might be a nagger. He's been very busy the past few weeks for the transition and here I was...
I sighed. Maybe I shouldn't tell him? Makakadagdag ako ng iisipin niya.
The same week, on the day of our first anniversary, I realized I'd been vomiting for weeks now. My period was delayed so I finally visited an OB to confirm the great news.
I am pregnant!
I was excited when he asked to meet me on our favorite resto. Akala ko nga'y nalimutan na niyang anniversary namin but he didn't!
I'm looking forward! The dark thoughts I had the past day vanished with this amazing news!
Ano kayang reaksyon ni Caspian? I bet he'll be in blast! The baby will surely get his eyes!
But maybe, not all things won't happen like you expected them to.
Hearing your love saying he doesn't even love you is a hard slap.
"I've never loved you," he said with a stern look, saying he only loved Cheska, not me, confirming all the scary thoughts in my head.
More brand-new memories assaulted my head.
"C-Cas..." Napahagulgol ako. "Y-you said you love me! You promised me!"
"Let's not fucking drag this, Polaris. I'm breaking up with you."
I shook my head, not caring if I sounded desperate.
"N-no! We promised the stars, Cas!" I pleaded. "Y-you promised me you'll never leave me–"
"And you actually believed that?" He asked with sarcasm. Natigilan ako at mas bumigat.
"D-don't say that? Y-you're breaking our promises to the s-stars?" I whispered in disbelief.
"Wishing to damn shooting stars are useless. You broke it first and now you spite me? Ang taas naman ng tingin mo sa sarili mo?" He looked at me with disdain. "You weren't a star, Polaris. You are the dust and dust is nothing but specks of dirt. It's trash. Bakit ako magpapakulong sa basurang kagaya mo?"
It broke me. Heck, those words destroyed everything in me that it made the lights dim.
But it felt nothing when he denied our child.
"I-I'm pregnant," I whispered.
Mabilis siyang nag-angat ng tingin. I saw the shock on his face, his lip parting. I saw a slight change in his expression and I thought I was seeing my beloved Caspian in it but it vanished before I even pointed it out.
His jaw ticked.
"That isn't mine," he denied.
"W-what?" I murmured as sobs left my lips. I touched my stomach protectively.
"P-paano mo nasasabi 'yan sa anak mo?!"
"I will not accept any child from you," he said like it was the most ridiculous thing.
"H-how could you–"
"Bakit hindi mo ipaako iyan sa lalaki mo?" Mariing tanong niya.
"Wala akong lalaki!" I exclaimed. "Paano mo nasasabi 'yan–"
"Stop fooling me, Polaris! Let's end this nonsense relationship, I can't believe I wasted a year with you!" He spat angrily.
Napatakip ako ng bibig at napatungo na para itago ang mukha. I was trembling, I couldn't breathe but I shoot my last shot to give our child a good life, a father.
I looked at him with watery eyes.
"K-kahit kilalanin mo lang ang bata–"
"Sa 'yo na ang anak mo," mariing sabi niya. "I don't need a child that isn't mine."
Suminghap ako. Pilit ko siyang inabot para magmakaawang pakinggan ako pero hinawi niya ang kamay ko. Mas nanghina at nadurog lang ako nang tanggalin niya ang singsing sa kanyang daliri at inilapag sa lamesa sa harapan ko pagkatayo.
I was in a very dark place. It was scary. I felt alone as the scene changed. Me, getting dragged out of my car. Me, pleading those people not to hurt me.
Me who still believed Caspian would come back and save me. Hindi ako matitiis no'n, eh! Mahal ako no'n!
I believe he'd still stay true to his promises... but he didn't.
The funny thing was, he promised he would never leave to the stars–not to a mere stardust.
"Polaris! Open your eyes! Wake up!" Dr. De Jesus exclaimed.
His voice snapped me back from reality. I was catching my breath, my eyes blurry with tears as I held my empty stomach.
"Are you alright, Lars? How was it? You were crying!" aniya pero wala na ako sa wisyo.
Ang anak ko... wala na ang anak ko.
It was his fault. He abandoned us. He let them kill our child.
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