Chapter Ten
I did not want to wallow in self-pity. He was just a guy... a guy who took my virginity, the first guy I'd ever love. It wasn't like it's the end of the world. He was just a guy.
I started going out alot with my friends, I started partying and drinking. I partied and drank the pain away. I did everything to forget him and I decieved myself into thinking that I already had. I started going home late from parties so I wouldn't have to see him. I couldn't look at him without feeling an ache in my chest.
"Mallory..." I felt someone shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and lifted my head up. My vision blurred at first but came into focus on Sandy's face. "Nandito na tayo sa bahay niyo."
My head was still spinning from all the alcohol I drank in the party. I looked out the window of the car and saw him standing there and looking at me. Tisoy had a hard and cold expression on his face.
"Thanks, Sandy." I said before opening the door and getting out. I acted as if he was invisible. I stood by the car and waved at Sandy, she waved back at me and drove off. Naglalakad na ako papunta sa pinto nang bahay para pumasok ng magsalita siya.
"Kanina ka pa hinihintay nila tito." He said in an even tone. "Palagi ka na lang umuuwi nang late."
I massaged my aching head and groaned. "Will you just stop talking to me? Huwag mo akong sermonan, hindi ikaw ang magulang ko."
I went inside the house and he followed behind.
"You reek of alcohol." Medyo tumaas ang boses niya.
"Ano ba?" I spun to face him. "Just leave me alone! Lalong sumasakit ulo ko sa'yo."
His expression changed. For a moment he looked quite surprised. He tightly shut his eyes and an exhale passed his lips. He opened his eyes again and this time, his expression softened. "What are you doing to yourself, Mal? You're ruining yourself."
Naningkit sa galit ang mga mata ko. "You did this to me! You ruined me!"
"Mallory, I— I never meant to hurt you." His eyes were sad as they looked into mine.
"But you already did." I said in a cold tone.
He took a step towards me and I stepped back.
"No! Huwag kang lalapit sa akin." I raised my hands in front of me to stop him. "Stay away from me."
"I'm sorry." He said, almost in a whisper.
My lips lifted into a smirk. "You can take your sorry and leave me alone. I don't need it."
"I'm doing this for you, Mal."
"You know what, stop it! Ayaw ko na marinig ang mga paliwanag mo. I don't want to hear anything from you again." I didn't want to hear anymore of his excuse. He hurt me.
"Ano bang gusto mong gawin ko, Mal?" He raked his fingers through his hair. "I'd do anything you say, mapatawad mo lang ako."
"Umalis ka na dito." Matigas na sabi ko. "Go back to where you came from. Ayaw ko nang makita ka. I want you to get out of my life."
"Mallory..." He swallowed.
"O, akala ko ba gagawin mo ang lahat para mapatawad kita?" I let out a taunting smile. "Yan ang hirap sa'yo, puro ka lang salita."
I turned my back to him and walked away. I went to my room and let out the tears I'd been holding the whole day.
Tanghali na ng magising ako. I had a good sleep and thankfully, my head wasn't hurting anymore. I climbed down the bed and took a quick shower before I decided to grab something to eat. As I was walking down the hallway heading to the stairs I heard Tisoy's voice inside my dad's study room.
Napahinto ako sa harap ng kwartong iyon. Bahagyang nakaawang ang pinto ng kwarto at nakita ko si Tisoy na nakatayo sa harap ng desk ni daddy habang si daddy naman ay nakaupo sa swivel chair. Dad was rubbing his chin as if thinking really, really hard.
"Ano bang problema, Tisoy?" He asked after a few moments of silence.
"Wala naman po, tito." He shook his head.
"Si Mallory ba? Inaaway ka na naman ba niya?"
"Hindi po." Agad na sagot niya.
"Eh ano?" I could see the frustration on his face. "Bakit bigla-bigla ka na lang nagpapaalam sa akin."
"Malaki po ang utang na loob ko sa inyo ni tita Laura at buong buhay kong tatanawin iyon. Parang binigyan niyo na po ako ng pangalawang buhay. Hindi niyo po akong tinratong iba sa pamilya niyo. Twenty years old na po ako at ilan taon na din akong nandito, kaya ko na pong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa. Ayaw ko naman pong sabihin niyong inaabuso ko na ang kabutihan niyo sa akin."
"No, Derek, kahit kailan hindi sumagi sa isip namin 'yan. You're like a son we never had."
Tisoy smiled at Dad but his eyes said differently. "Tito Ben, ikaw po ang nagpakita sa akin ng pagmamahal ng isang ama. I'll always be grateful for that. Pero siguro panahon na po para umalis na ako. Marami po akong bagay na gustong malaman tungkol sa pagkatao ko, sa... sa totoong pamilya ko, gusto ko pong hanapin ang sarili ko."
"Nakausap mo na ba ang tita Laura mo?" He sighed defeatedly.
I saw Tisoy shake his head.
"She's going to be heart broken." Dad's face dropped. "Kung gusto mo talagang umalis, wala naman akong magagawa. Hindi na kita pipigilan pero tandaan mo palaging bukas ang pinto namin para sa'yo."
"Opo, tito. Pangako po, babalik ako. Babalikan ko kayo kapag okay na ang lahat. Mababayaran ko din po kayo sa lahat ng kabutihang ginawa niyo para sa akin."
"Derek, ang utang na loob hindi sinisingil at hindi binabayaran." Dad said with a slight smile on his face. "You do what you have to do. Mabait kang bata at matalino, alam kong malayo ang mararating mo."
My heart felt like it dropped into my gut. I felt hot tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I took in a deep breath.
Don't cry, Mallory.
~~~
"Mallory." Derek said in the intercom.
I stopped typing and pressed the intercom so that he could hear me speak. "Yes, sir?"
"Can you come into my office, please?" He asked.
"Coming." Agad na sagot ko.
This was the most we'd spoken in several days. I tried to have as minimal interaction with him as possible— nothing more than a good morning or hello. I tried to remind myself that I was just here for the paycheck. Kapag nakaipon na ako nang sapat na pera, aalis na ako dito.
I stood up from my seat and walked towards the door to Derek's office. I pushed the door handle down and stepped inside his office. Derek sitting behind his desk and was going through some files.
"Did you want anything from me?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as I could.
He lifted his head up to look at me. "Uh, yeah... can you help me organize these files?"
I walked up to him. There was a box of files on top of his desk.
"Sa gilid ng files may mga pangalan. Just arrange it in alphabetical order." He said.
I nodded my head, quietly taking the box. He told me to get comfortable and sit on the couch in his office. Umupo ako doon dala-dala ang mga files at ipinatong ko iyon sa coffee table na nasa harap ng couch.
I started arranging the files. Makaraan ang ilang sandali, nangawit ako at nag-unat. I gazed at Derek who was busy with his computer. My eyes wandered around the room and a picture hanging on the left of the room caught my attention.
It was a family picture of Dad, Mom, him and I. We used to have family pictures taken every year. The one hanging on his wall was the last picture we'd taken with him. Dad and him were in a suit while Mom and I were our formal dresses.
I got up from my seat and took a closer look.
"Our family picture." He suddenly said.
I turned my head to him. "Why do you still have this?"
"Why wouldn't I still have that?" He chuckled. "Your family is the only family I've ever had."
My face hardened. "Then why did you leave? Mom and dad wanted you to stay."
"But I had to go. I did it for you."
"You did it for yourself, you selfish prick!" Mariin na sabi ko. "Duwag ka kasi!"
"Siguro nga tama ka." He quietly said. Tumayo siya mula sa kinauupuan niya at lumapit sa akin. "I knew if I don't leave, we'd either end up getting caught or you getting pregnant. You were so young, Mallory, and I couldn't take the risk. Nahihiya din ako kina tito at tita sa mga pinagagawan natin kaya pinili ko na lang umalis."
"Liar! Umalis ka kasi sawa ka na sa buhay mo kasama kami. Katulad ko, pagkatapos mo akong pagsawaan tintrato mo akong parang basura— hindi pala, you treated me worse than trash. You treated me like I don't even exist." I swallowed a sob.
"No... no, Mallory. You're wrong. Don't ever say that. Hindi ako umalis dahil nagsawa ako sa buhay na kasama kayo. Nagsimula ako sa wala at hindi ako natatakot bumalik sa wala. Isang bagay lang ang kinatatakot kong mawala sa akin; ikaw. Hindi kita pinagsawaan. Iniwasan kita kasi alam kong hindi ko kayang kontrolin ang sarili ko kapag nandyan ka." He cupped my face and made me look at him. "I love you... I've loved you for a long time. I've loved you even when I still didn't know what love was."
"Then why didn't you come back? Where were you when I needed you?" My voice shook as I felt my walls slowly fall.
"Kasi gusto ko kapag bumalik ako, may maipagmamalaki na ako. Nakilala ko ang totoong ama ko, nalaman niya ang tungkol sa akin at pinahanap ako dahil ako na lang ang nag-iisa niyang anak,gusto niya na ako ang magpatuloy nang negosyo niya. Pinag-aral niya ako sa magandang eskwelahan sa Europe at nang makatapos ako bumalik ako dito. I came back for you and for tito Ben and tita Laura." Then he dropped his gaze. "Doon ko lang nalaman ang nangyari sa mga magulang mo."
Mom and Dad had a car accident which instantly killed Mom and left Dad paralyzed. Eventually, Dad succumbed to complications from the accident and died.
"Nakita ko pa si tito Ben sa ospital... Nakausap ko pa siya..." He took in a deep breath as if steadying himself. "Nangako akong tutulungan ko kayo, na hindi kita pababayaan. And then when I came back he was no longer there. I tried to find you, I really did..."
I closed my eyes as I felt him press a kiss on my forehead.
"I love you so much, Mallory." He whispered.
I tilted my head up and his lips found mine. We'd made love again, making up for all the years lost. We'd found our way back to each other's arms.
"Am I forgiven?" He asked, breaking the silence between us. Inangat ko ang ulo kong nakaunan sa malapad na dibdib niya.
I cocked a brow at him. "Ganon na lang yun? After leaving me for ten years? It'll take more than an orgasm for me to forgive you."
He chuckled, his fingers traced my spine. "Ano'ng gusto mong gawin ko?"
"Aba, ewan ko! Ako ba ang humihingi ng tawad?" I said, trying hard not to smile.
He laughed and after awhile his laughter died down. Seryosong tumingin siya sa akin. He made sure our eyes did not lose contact. "Now that I finally have you, I'll never let you go again, Mallory."
And I believed him. I closed my eyes and let myself melt back into his arms.
Pagpasok ko sa trabaho may naghihintay nang isang bouquet ng bulaklak sa ibabaw ng mesa ko. I couldn't help but smile. I picked up the bouquet and took the time to smell it.
I noticed the card sticking out of the blooms and opened the little paper.
Good morning, beautiful. I love you. Have a lovely day ahead.
I bit my lower lip to keep me from smiling like an idiot as I looked at the paper but it was no use. Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti. I felt like a teenager all over again.
I looked at the door to his office. Nagdadalawang isip ako kung pupuntahan ko ba siya para pasalamatan. After a few seconds, I decided to give in. I slowly walked to his door. Every step made my heart beat a little faster. I pulled down the handle, I pushed the door a little and what I saw made me pull it back with the door opened just enough to peak in.
The smile on my face disappeared when I saw Ellen sitting on the very same couch we'd made love on yesterday.
"Ano bang problema?" Derek asked, standing in front of Ellen with hands inside his pocket. "Hindi naman ako manghuhula, Ellen. Tell me what's wrong?"
Tears began to spill down her cheeks. "Derek, I'm... pregnant."
I took in a sharp breath. I felt like the world collapsed under my feet.
"What?" He roared in surprise. "You're what?"
"I'm pregnant, goddammit! Ano ba? Nakikinig ka ba sa akin?" She angrily snapped her head up.
"Yeah... of course..." He raked his fingers through his hair and sat next to her. "What are you planning to do... what are we going to do?"
I slowly and quietly closed the door. I could feel a sob coming up my throat as tears stung my eyes. I had to cover my mouth to keep the sob in.
My entire body lightly shook. Barely visible at first then harder. I clutched my chest so hard, like I had to free my heart from my ribs or it would break break beyond repair.
Don't cry, Mallory.
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