Chapter Four
Mallory
Maraming nagbago kay Tisoy mula nang matira siya sa amin. He got alot more handsome as he grew older, hindi ko maitatanggi iyon. His foreign blood became even more evident. Hindi na siya ang mapayat at gusgusin na batang nakita namin noon sa labas ng simbahan. His good looks made him the talk of the girls in school and his honey eyes were enough to turn their knees into jelly.
Tama nga si mommy at daddy. Matalino si Tisoy. Nakita naman ng mga teacher na madali siyang matuto and he was very eager to learn so he got accelerated. He caught up until we were finally in the same year at school. There were times he tried to get close to me but I always push him away. Pakiramdam ko kasi simula nang dumating siya sa buhay namin kailangan ko na makipagkumpitensya sa atensyon ng mga magulang ko. I was used to being the only child and I couldn't accepted that when another kid came, it changed everything.
"Mallory, yung brother mo, oh." Siniko ako ni Sandy, isa sa mga classmate ko na babae. My head snapped to him. Tisoy was standing in the hallway with Janna, her back was leaning against the wall while he had both arms on either side of her. They were in the same class together at ako naman ay nasa ibang klase. Janna was giggling like an idiot and Tisoy was smiling at her, showing off his overrated dimples.
"Pwede ba, Sandy, he is not my brother!" Inis na sabi ko. I could feel my blood starting to boil. Janna was my sworn enemy. We used to be friends but then I found out she was saying mean things behind my back. We even almost got into a catfight. Dumating lang ang teacher namin noon kaya nga hindi natuloy. Since then we have had bad blood for each other.
"Okay, sige hindi mo na siya brother. Pero I heard they're dating na. Totoo ba yun?" Tanong ni Janna.
I rolled my eyes. "I don't know and I don't care."
"But you hate Janna!" Sandy frowned. She also had a huge crush on Tisoy, just like every girl in the school.
I made a face. "Yes, I do pero wala akong pakialam sa kanila. Pareho naman sila squatter ang ugali."
"Hoy, wag ka naman ganyan. Mabait naman si Derek, wag mo siyang idamay." She defended. "Si Janna na lang ang i-bash natin. Tignan mo! Feelingera talaga yang babaeng yan. Kala niya ang ganda ganda niya, eh mukha naman siyang bakla."
"I know! Tignan mo nga yung makeup, sobrang kapal. She looks like a drag queen." I sneered. Sandy and I laughed as we walked to the cafeteria to have our lunch. I acted as if wala lang sa akin iyon but I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole day. Tisoy and Janna were dating? I felt a pang in my chest just thinking about it.
"Isusumbong kita kay mommy at daddy." I said seating comfortably in the backseat of the car, when Tisoy opened the door.
"Bakit?" He asked, slipping inside the car.
"You and Janna are dating!" I said, my eyes narrowing at him.
"Kaibigan ko lang si Janna." Sabi niya.
"Liar! They're all saying that she's your girlfriend." I crossed my arms over my chest and pursed my lips in annoyance.
"And I'm saying she's not." Medyo naiinis na din na sabi niya.
"Liar!" I shifted to face him.
"I'm not lying." Humarap din siya sa akin.
"Liar, liar pants on fire!" I sang. I could see how annoyed it made him and I secretly smiled to myself.
"Hindi ko nga girlfriend si Janna! Hindi siya ang gusto ko." He leaned closer to me, his voice in a low but firm voice. He was so close to me I could breathe in his scent. We paused, as if time stood still as we looked into each other's eyes. Thoughts began to spin around my head. Was he going to kiss me? Unti-unting lumapit ang mukha niya sa akin. And I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine.
Bumukas ang mga mata ko ng marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto sa driver's side. Tisoy stiffened, sitting up straight. We were quiet the whole drive home. Hindi kami nagpansinan. We didn't dare talk about what happened in the car kahit nang makauwi na kami.
He almost kissed me. Almost.
I was given a room to sleep in for the night. It had beige walls and tan carpet. The queen sized bed was well made and the linen was of the finest, with large pillows in floral casing. It was so inviting and I just couldn't turn it down. Ibinagsak ko ang katawan ko sa kama at wala pang ilang minuto ay nakatulog na ako.
I woke up to the sun streaming into the open curtains of the huge window on the right. I felt well-rested and energized. Agad akong tumayo mula sa kama at lumapit sa malaking bintana. The window had a good view of the pool and the garden.
I suddenly felt a pang in my chest. I missed the life we used to have. My mother loved gardening and my dad was a swimmer during his younger days. May pool din kami noon sa bahay at malaking garden. They were just memories now, memories of a distant past, a far gone time. Nang mawala ang mga magulang ko, I never even had time to grieve. I had to survive. Lahat ng ari-arian namin kinuha na ng bangko dahil sa laki ng utang namin. Kailangan kong gumawa ng paraan para mabuhay ako. When my parents died, I found out how cruel the world was.
Napaigti ako ng marinig ang marahang katok sa pinto. I walked to the door and opened it. There stood Derek von Einsiedel in his expensive polo shirt and khaki shorts. My heart skipped a bit when his honey eyes gazed into mine. Ngumiti siya sa akin at parang pati ang mga mata niya ay ngumingiti rin.
"Did I wake you up?" He asked.
I blinked at his deep voice. "N-no..."
"I brought you some clothes." Itinaas niya ang kamay niya na may hawak na dalawang paperbag mula sa mamahaling boutique.
"Thank you." I croacked out as I took the paperbags from him.
He gave me a wide smile, his dimples turning my knees into jelly.
"Why don't you take a bath and wear those clothes? It'll look good on you." Sabi niya bago nagbaba ng tingin sa suot kong damit. I was still wearing the playboy bunny uniform my job required me to wear. Sandaling tumigil ang mga mata niya sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko. I saw him swallow, his adam's apple bobbed up and down his throat. Seeing his reaction made my heart race, in a good way. He gazed back up my face, shame evident on his face as his face flushed.
"Bumaba ka na lang pagkatapos mong magbihis." He said before hurriedly turning his back to me and walking away.
Isinara ko ang pinto at parang nawalan ng lakas na sumandal doon. I struggled to pull myself together. This was stupid. I wasn't suppose to feel this way. I wasn't that dumb teenage Mallory I used to be.
I marched to my bathroom and soaked myself in the tub, trying to get him out of my mind. I focused on the warm water against my skin and the scent of potpourri that filled the whole room. He should affect me this way anymore. He shouldn't matter anymore. But somehow, deep in my heart, I knew he still does. And I hated it.
Pagkatapos kong magbabad sa tub, sinuot ko na ang damit na ibinigay sa akin ni Tisoy. It was a casual and simple floral dress but still, it looked very class. Whoever picked it had a great taste. I couldn't remember the last time I wore a fancy dress like this. Nang makapag-ayos na ako, lumabas ako ng kwarto at bumaba. Nakita ko si Tisoy na nakaupo sa living room at nagbabasa ng libro. He closed his book and looked up at me as I walked down the stairs.
"You look beautiful." Sabi niya habang hindi pa rin hinihiwalay ang tingin sa akin.
I felt a fluttering feeling in my stomach at what he said. Tumayo siya mula sa kinauupuan niya at lumapit sa dulo ng hagdan para salubungin ako. He held out his arm to me as I took one last step. I hesitantly took his arm.
He guided me out of the house and to one of his many cars that was parked inside his garage. Isang simpleng itim na BMW ang pinili niya. He opened the door to the passenger's seat at pinaupo niya ako doon bago siya pumasok sa driver's seat.
I didn't ask where we were going. In fact, I didn't say anything. He just started the car and the miles flew by.
"Kamusta ka na?" He asked as he drove.
Kibit-balikat lang ang isinagot ko sa kanya. My life had been miserable since my parents passed away. I was left to fend for myself, to survive. All my life I had been sheltered by them. Tapos biglang mawawala sila. I was like a zoo lion kept captive since birth before they decided to let out of my cage and into the wild. The world was like a jungle full of predators, you had to struggle to survive against all odds. "I'm going through some hard times but I'll be fine."
"I'm sorry." May lungkot sa boses niya.
"Ganun talaga eh." I said, trying not let my emotions get to me.
"It's rough, isn't it?"
I could only nod as I tried to hold my tears in. Surely after over a year I thought things would get better but it didn't. It wasn't that simple. I hadn't only lost my parents, I also lost the life I had been used to. Missing them was always there, like an open wound that wouldn't heal.
"They were wonderful people, your parents." He smiled nostalgically but there was sadness in his eyes. He took in a deep breath as if to steady himself.
My eyes averted ahead and saw that he was driving towards a huge white gate. It suddenly dawned me where we were heading. Sa sementeryo. My head turned to him.
"What are we doing here?" Tanong ko sa kanya.
"We're going to visit them." Sagot niya. Ipinasok niya ang kotse niya sa loob ng sementeryo. Huminto kami sa tabi ng puntod ng mga magulang ko. I just sat there, unable to move. It was like another cut to the wound. Mula ng ilibing sila hindi ko pa sila nadadalaw. It was hard. Mahirap makita ang pangalan ng mga magulang mo na nakaukit sa lapida.
Tisoy got out of the car at pinuksan niya ang pinto sa side ko. He held out his hand to me... Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko na inabot iyon. He carefully pulled me out of the car and we walked the lush and grassy field to my parents' grave. My chest felt heavy, like something wanted toburst out of it as I looked at their graves.
Naramdaman ko na lang ang bisig ni Tisoy na pumulupot sa likod ng baywang ko. And then I felt like everything started to weigh on me. I was flooded with the feelings I had been surpressing, the feelings I had been running from. I looked at Tisoy, his eyes were misty with tears too. Anger rushed throughout my body.
"You were never there!" Tinulak ko siya mula sa akin at galit na tinitigan. "You weren't there when I needed you, when we needed you."
"I was there, Mallory." Mahinang sabi niya.
"Liar!" Hot angry tears fell from my eyes. "You're a liar!"
Sunod-sunod na umiling si Tisoy. He cupped my face. I tried to pry his hand away but his hands were firm and strong. "Mal, nagkita pa kami ni tito bago siya mawala. I was there..."
"No, you weren't. Palagi ka na lang nagsisinungaling." Humihikbing sabi ko. I felt him kiss me on the forehead. Nagtaas ang tingin ko sa kanya. Nangingilid ang mga luha sa mata niya.
"I'm not lying." He said. Bumaba ang mukha niya sa akin. Our faces were only inches apart. I could feel his breath against my lips. Tumaas ang dalawang palad ko sa ibabaw ng dibdib niya at itinulak ko siyang palayo sa akin.
"Don't!" Mariin na sabi ko.
This was what I hated the most... the almost. When someone makes you feel like you are there entire universe and then suddenly decides to walk away. Almost there. Almost loved. Almost something more.
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