𝗦𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗿 × 𝗗𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗻 𝗦𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗲𝗿 [OLD]
𝖢𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗋𝗍𝗒
(There's a newer version anyways so this chapter is bordering on crack)
"You're a sneaky little thing, aren't you?"
Y/n glowered at this cabbage head mother🍑er, practically bristling with frustration as he gave her a mocking but still mildly irritated look.
Her eyes caught the healing cut on his throat and she couldn't help the small huff of disappointment that had left her.
'So close... I'd been so close,' she thought with a small pout, 'Damn you, you incompetent turd!'
"Damn it, he beheaded me again! Why am I always getting my head cut off?!" Daki screamed in fury, the noise causing the two demon slayers and her own damn brother to give her an exasperated look, "This sucks!!!"
"Have you figured it out?" Gyutaro wondered aloud as he kept his eyes on both demon slayers with a little frown, "Ah, doesn't matter if you have, you're slowly dying over there and this sneaky pest won't be able to handle us both. You're both going to die slowly and painfully."
BAM
"Think again, Cabbage Bastard!" y/n jolted at the sudden noise and looked over to where Inosuke was posing fiercely, "I'm here too! The amazing Inosuke-sama and his underling have arrived!"
The underling in question was Zenitsu, fast asleep but looking locked in at the same time. That's... creepy.
Gyutaro raised a brow, "Huh? Who the hell are you?"
All of a sudden, Tanjiro's dramatic 🍑 dropped down and landed from above, sword at the ready and prepared to beat the 💩 out of these dumb 🍑 demons.
Uzui, who was still looking a little worse for wear, grinned, "Quite the flamboyant entrances, you three! That's more like it!"
Gyutaro scoffed, "Summon all the little small fries you want, you're all going to die here! That light in your eyes is pissing me off!"
'Hm...' y/n caught Tanjiro's gaze and she blinked.
She motioned to her neck, imitating a slicing motions twice, before returning her hand to her sword. Would he be okay? His hands were shaking like crazy.
"Nope! We'll win!" Uzui declared out of the blue.
"As if, get real you delusional old bastard! The only competent one here is the Hashira and he's slowly succumbing to poison!" Daki shouted back and Shiori's voice rang out from somewhere with a, "You can't be talking, old 🍑 hag, sit your 🍑 down!"
"Poison?" Tanjiro gasped, giving the Sound Hashira but the dude didn't even look fazed in the slightest.
"Doesn't matter, we'll still crush you bottom feeders! I may have poison coursing through my body, but I'm on fire!"
"Quit it with the useless exclamations!"
"Shut up! Your first mistake was underestimating us humans!" Uzui shot back, "These three boys are my flamboyant tsuguko, and the boring scrub has been trained by a crazy strong psycho chinchilla," "YOU CALLED SHINAZUGAWA-SAN A WHAT?!" "They're relentless and won't back down! Even if their limbs fall off, they won't stop fighting — besides, I already know how to take you down! By beheading you simultaneously, right?"
'So much talking... we should attack while they're too busy talking, yeah?' y/n wondered as Uzui and Inosuke kept it up with the really loud 💩 talking.
Gyutaro, despite the 💩 talk, was still all smug, "All the other slayers who figured it out still died because they couldn't achieve such a simple task. Not even the Hashira my sister and I have—!"
Moon Breathing, Tenth Form
"Hm?" Gyutaro glanced back at the little e/c eyed 💩.
Drilling Slashes, Moon Through Bamboo Leaves
The lower level building they'd all been in was sliced up in a matter of seconds, dust flying as the sounds of weapons clashing surrounded Tanjiro.
It took a moment for him to regain his bearings, but he quickly caught sight of the Hashira and the h/c haired girl forcing the cabbage head bastard out into the open street, the two of them putting pressure on the Upper Moon who had been caught off guard.
"Tch, that little pest!" Daki snapped, her sashes lunging forward to cut up y/n. Of course, Zenitsu was quicker, darting forward like lightning and knocking Daki up and out of the building the night air.
The pair of them landed on the roof, Inosuke rushing to join the fight while Tanjiro was at a bit of a standstill trying to figure out who to help.
"Hey, hey, forehead boy!" a voice called and he looked up to find Shiori lounging on the upper level, peering down at him through a hole.
The cat tilted her head, "You should go help Uzui and y/n before they get too far. They'll need the help."
"Ah! Right!" Tanjiro exclaimed before rushing off to go assist while Shiori got up, heading to the roof to go piss off the white haired hag.
Y/n and Uzui had successfully forced Gyutaro away from Daki, but now there was the problem of even beheading him. Uzui was in bad shape, and this 🚚er was starting to underestimate tsuguko a bit less.
There was no time for rest, though.
Those damn bloody slashes emerged from the mother🚚er's weird 🍑 kama again, but Uzui handled deflecting them. He was still getting cut though, so the smaller of the duo attacked from behind.
Up above, Hinatsuru had popped in to assist, launching a bunch of kunai from a really cool looking tool. See, if you put a bunch of nichirin bullets in that instead, then—
As usual; on some hacker cheater timing, Gyutaro did that weird 🍑 slash crap again to deflect all the kunai — he emerged unscathed, but he still had two very homicidal demon slayers on his 🍑.
Gyutaro took a swipe at the flamboyant Sound Hashira only for the mf to duck. The Upper Moon had a kunai laced with wisteria poison popped in his damn neck, then his legs slashed off.
Bruh the Hashira and y/n were ready to kill the dude and you'd think he'd be done for, right? Right???
NOPE.
The first red flag was that he was grinning.
The second- actually, there was none.
The dude neutralized the poison and regenerated BOTH of his legs in an INSTANT as blood burst from his goddamn arms, beginning to swirl around in a cylinder of certain death. Y/n inhaled sharply but Uzui got her up out of there, kicking her 🍑 out of the way as he began swinging those oversized cleavers.
Sound Breathing, Fourth Form
Constant Resounding Slashes
He tossed some of those little gunpowder things and a bunch of explosions went off, damn near blinding y/n. By the time he'd gotten rid of the blood problem... Gyutaro was gone. He just dipped. Out of there in a split second.
"Tengen-sama! Behind you!" Hinatsuru warned as a bunch of obi sashes went after the dude. Y/n was already out of the way, dealing with a couple damn sashes that came at her.
Now how the hell was Daki attacking not only Inosuke and Zenitsu but y/n and Uzui as well? Sure the cabbage idiot had one of his eyes shut, but that couldn't mean-
'Are they sharing their eyesight or something?'
Ding ding ding.
"Don't mind me, Tengen-sama! You handle the-!" Hinatsuru didn't get to finish her sentence, Gyutaro popping up and grabbing her damn face. Welp, it's over. Her 🍑 is going to go join Rengoku in the afterlife and Uzui's three wives will drop to two.
Damn.
"That poison was real annoying, you know?" Gyutaro sneered, glaring at Hinatsuru while the poor chick looked like she was about to 💩 herself. I mean, I would too if Gyutaro's musty 🍑 was about to crush my damn jaw. "I actually do mind, you're a bit of a pain.
Uzui was freaking out but he couldn't get to her in time.
Y/n was kinda occupied as the sashes drew her further and further away.
But wait, there's one more!
Tanjiro popped in with the Water/Sun Breathing combo and sliced Gyutaro's hand off like it was butter. Nice job, forehead boy!
Y/n was still trying not to get diced to pieces by the sashes, but hadn't realized how far she'd wandered until Daki was right up behind her looking all crazy and 💩.
"Got you now, you little rodent!" she snapped, the tsuguko glancing back at her looking a little startled, "Our orders may be to turn you into a demon, but that doesn't mean I can't rip you to pieces first!"
"HEY HEY, FOCUS ON ME!!!"
Daki shrieked when Inosuke jumped her from behind, barely managing to block in time as his swords came soooo close to lopping her head off. His interference gave y/n the time she needed to turn around and join the assault, the two man jumping turning into THREE.
"Damn you-!" Daki snapped and the sashes started going ape💩, forcing y/n, Inosuke, and Zenitsu back once more.
"What a pain..." y/n mumbled before glancing to the snoozing Zenitsu, "This might work out if we clear a path for Inosuke. Think you can do that."
Zenitsu, still knocked out but somehow capable of talking nodded, "Right, let's go for it."
"Inosuke," y/n called, "You charge ahead and go for her neck! Zenitsu and I have your back!"
Inosuke didn't have to be told twice, cackling and charging towards Daki with zero concern for what happened to him. The demon ♀️🐶 tried that obi mess again but Zenitsu and y/n were there to cut down the sashes that tried to go after the boar.
Inosuke was getting closer and closer while Daki was getting more and more desperate. Zenitsu and y/n could only handle so many sashes, but right when things were getting bleak, Tanjiro popped in with the water breathing support.
Finally, Inosuke charged ahead and got his blades right up on the ♀️🐶's neck. He couldn't exactly cut her head off, SO HE SAWED IT OFF. Popped her ugly 🍑 head right off.
He snatched it out of the air and took off running with it so she couldn't pop it back on.
Things were finally looking better - y/n could go home soon-!
"Wait a damn minute," Shiori said aloud from where she popped up out of nowhere, "Why the hell isn't Tanjiro with Uzui right now?"
That's a good question-OH MY GOD!
Gyutaro, sneaky bastard, popped up out of nowhere and stabbed Inosuke through the damn chest. Things were moving fast- too fast.
Inosuke dropped like a rock, Gyutaro got his ugly 🍑 sister back, Uzui was on the ground bleeding and 💩, and... HOLY COW THE ROOF WAS FALLING APART.
Zenitsu knocked Tanjiro's big headed 🍑 off the roof as the damn building fell apart, and y/n fell right down into the rubble with a shriek, clinging to Shiori while the cat screamed expletives.
She popped her head on something and was knocked out cold. Y/n woke up pretty damn quick though, Shiori skedaddling off to go find the others while she kinda just laid there. Stuff was on fire... was she in hell? Damn, she was kinda hoping she'd float up instead of being dragged into the fiery pits of hell.
"Ah, there you are," y/n jolted back into a lucid state and she sat up, ready to throw hands when she heard the cabbage head's voice. She fumbled around for her sword, her hand finding it, but wasn't quick enough to do much of anything when the bastard grabbed her by the head and slammed her face against a piece of rubble to keep her from fighting, "You had me worried for a second, I actually thought you'd died."
"Worried? Don't give me that 🐂💩." y/n scoffed, ignoring the burning in her nose as she turned her head to the side to glare at this ugly 🍑 demon, "Go ahead and try turning me into a demon, it won't work."
"That so? No harm in trying again," Gyutaro remarked with a grin and the tsuguko grimaced.
Oh boy.. she was in for a world of pain.
Tanjiro was off somewhere else, conscious and watching the rubble burn all around him. Nezuko was safe, though, fast asleep in her box and unbothered. DAMN she was a heavy sleeper.
Tanjiro was going to get back up to leave but Gyutaro's cabbage 🍑 jumpscared him, "You're still alive? What's up with this?" Tanjiro actually gasped - that was a gasp of pure fear right there, "You all really are like cockroaches, huh?"
Daki's useless 🍑 was sitting up on a building, looking all smug.
DAMN Shiori wanted to beat her 🍑!
"You're lucky, aren't you? Too bad your little friends aren't so lucky," Gyutaro sneered as he got all up in Tanjiro's space, "That boar got stabbed through the heart, the sleepwalker is trapped under rubble squirming like a pathetic insect. And that weak 🍑 Hashira-! All that talk about being immune to poison only for it to be the thing to end him!"
What is bro yapping about.
"Pathetic, all of you are so pathetic! Especially you!" Gyutaro exclaimed, "That demon in the box, she's your sister, right? Younger or older?"
Don't answer, Tanjiro, don't answer-!
"Nezuko is my younger. sister..."
DAMN IT.
This mf started laughing.
"You really are pathetic! You couldn't even protect your little sister!"
Now I know your rotten cabbage lookin 🍑 ain't talkin-
A solid three minutes of verbal and physical abuse *which was clearly projecting* and two broken fingers later, Tanjiro snatched up Nezuko's box and skedaddled while Gyutaro kinda just sat there looking flabbergasted.
Damn, even Daki was looking at Tanjiro like he was crazy.
Let's see... Tanjiro got knocked through a few buildings and still kept running while Gyutaro was making fun of his weak 🍑. Props to Tanjiro for still running, though, I could never.
What were they yapping about now? Shiori wasn't listening. She was doing important things.
"Get up, you moron!" Shiori growled, tugging at y/n's hand while the chick was laying face down looking god awful. I mean- her cells were experiencing the Uchiha massacre, the Kurta clan massacre AND the Summit War of Marineford all at once thanks to Muzan's damn blood, so could you really blame her?
Y/n wanted to tell the cat to go away but her vocal cords clocked out.
"Come on, you can't die here! Or turn into a demon!" Shiori shouted at her, "Remember your promise to that sexy 🍑-- I mean, your Master! Don't you dare give in! Get up and give 'em hell!"
This damn cat...
Well. She had no energy to waste on talking.
Y/n pushed herself to her feet, picking up her sword again as she forced herself to just breathe. She couldn't die here, she couldn't turn into a demon now, she had to keep pushing.
She could hear Tanjiro screaming, that was a whole war cry. He was still fighting for his family, so she would do the same for her own!
Back over with Gyutaro, Tanjiro had smacked down the cabbage head and was trying to lop his head off while the mf was trying to stop that from happening. Well- he was getting there.
Daki actually tried to help out but Zenitsu wasn't letting that happen, coming in clutch and cutting her slashes before she could interfere.
Haa... so much happening at once. Uzui popped in to help Tanjiro jump Gyutaro.
Zenitsu was soloing Daki, still being cool asf.
Oh hey, there's y/n.
Gyutaro was already a little flustered with Uzui going ape💩 on his 🍑 with Tanjiro putting pressure on him but when y/n showed up. Hooo boy... it was over.
Uzui was just done, he couldn't do anything else but had managed to clear a path for Tanjiro to get close.
Y/n, having spent up all her energy disposing of Muzan's Blood, was suffering under the effects of Gyuutaro's poison.
Despite that, she grabbed one of Gyuutaro's arms so he couldn't stab Tanjiro in the side with a sickle as he neared.
I mean, Tanjiro still got stabbed through the damn chin but he didn't let that stop him, his blade getting realllll close to cutting Gyuutaro's head off.
And hey! His demon slayer mark got even bigger! That was pretty cool!
Y/n grinned, 'Come on...!!!'
Daki would've helped her brother but she was busy dealing with Zenitsu who had just arrived.
"I'll slice you up before you even get the chance to cut my head off!!!" Daki exclaimed as her sashes prepared to cut up Zenitsu who had begun to cut off her annoying 🍑 head.
Sike, ♀️🐶.
Inosuke arrived!
"HAHAHA, DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME! SHIFTING THE POSITIONS OF MY ORGANS IS JUST CHILDS PLAY TO ME!!!" Inosuke exclaimed as he cut up the sashes that would've killed Zenitsu, "POISON HAS NO EFFECT ON ME!!!"
And with that, Inosuke slammed his blades against Daki's neck. Pretty close to cutting it off.
And... OOP!
The heads of both Upper Moons went flying into the air and they hit the ground at the same time, rolling into a position where they made eye contact.
Y/n, hecking exhausted, dropped to her knees while breathing heavily.
Damn that poison!!!
Her ears were ringing but Uzui was screaming something at her and Tanjiro.
Y/n squinted, 'Run??? Bi- do I look like I can run in this state I'm in right now???'
Despite the pain that was assaulting her limbs, she rammed into Tanjiro.
"Keep your head down." she ordered just before spirals of poison went flying from Gyuutaro's headless body.
Like a sprinkler.
But a sprinkler of death water.
~~~ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ•°*
Tanjiro was the first to wake up, greeted by the moon and the concerned faces of Nezuko and Y/n peering down at him.
"Tanjiro!" Y/n exclaimed, "You're okay!"
"Nezuko! Y/n!" Tanjiro gasped, sitting up, "Wh- everything's a wreck!"
Indeed it was, all the buildings had been razed to the ground. Reduced to piles of rubble.
Y/n nodded, "The Upper Moon with the sickles made one last attack and it destroyed everything! We were both dying because of the poison but Nezuko saved us."
The h/c haired girl smiled and pat a very happy Nezuko's head.
Tanjiro beamed, also patting his little sister on the head, "Thank you, Nezuko!"
They trio paused when they heard a familiar voice nearby yelling, "Y/nnnnnn!!! Tanjirooooo!!!"
"Zenitsu!" the duo said in unison.
Y/n was the first to hop up and take off running. Tanjiro hecking panicked.
"Ah- y/n-"
She was already over on the other side of a tall pile of rubble and Zenitsu's screaming got louder.
"Y/N-CHAN, MY WHOLE BODY HURTS!!!!! WHY THE HELL ARE MY LEGS BROKEN!??? WHO DID THIS TO MEEEE!!!" he wailed. You did that to yourself bro, stand proud.
Y/n exhaled her through her nose, 'So he doesn't remember. That's quite odd.'
"You're okay!" Tanjiro exclaimed as he joined the duo, "That's great!"
"NO, IM NOT OKAY!!!" Zenitsu sobbed as y/n picked him up and got him settled on her back, "But Inosuke is even worse... his heartbeat has been getting weaker-AAAAA"
Y/n had taken off with the screeching Zenitsu still on her back, "Inosuke!"
Nezuko and Tanjiro hurried after y/n and joined her near the Boar Boy who was literally dying.
"Nezuko!" y/n said, turning to face the demon girl, "Do that thing you did to help me earlier!"
Nezuko nodded with a hum and put a hand over Inosuke's wound. A second later, he was on fire.
"GYAAAAAAHHHH, HE'S ON FIRE!!!" Zenitsu shrieked, murdering y/n's eardrums.
A second later....
"I'm hungry! Gimme food!" Inosuke declared but was smothered with hugs from y/n and Tanjiro instead.
"Inosuke! You're okay!" Tanjiro exclaimed, tears gathering in his eyes.
A distance away was a dying Uzui and his three wives who were frantically trying to save him.
"NOOOOOOO, PLEASE DON'T DIE TENGEN-SAMAAA!!!!" Suma wailed, "WE WON, YOU CAN'T DIE!!!"
Hm... she's a lot like Zenitsu.
"WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THE POISON!??? NONE OF THE ANTIDOTES ARE WORKING!!!! WHY, YOU GODS ARE SO CRUEL!!!"
"I have some final things to say..." Uzui began, "Up until now-"
"IF TENGEN-SAMA DIES, I'LL NEVER PRAY TO YOU GUYS AGAIN!!!" Suma continued wailing, "I WON'T EVER FORGIVE YOU!!!"
"SHUT UP, TENGEN-SAMA IS TRYING TO SPEAK!" Makio yelled at Suma who only screamed louder.
"Both of you, be quiet...!" Hinatsuru protested as Makio lunged at Suma.
"I'LL FILL YOUR MOUTH WITH ROCKS YOU DUMB WOMAN!" Makio shouted.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH, MAKIO-SAN IS BULLYING ME!!!" Suma screeched.
'Are you kidding me? Am I really going to die without saying anything last words?' Uzui wondered while Hinatsuru tried to stop Makio from shoving rocks into Suma's mouth, 'I can't move my tongue anymore thanks to the poison. Come on-'
Suddenly, Nezuko popped up and the three wives went silent. The Sound Hashira and his wives watched warily as Nezuko raised a had and rested it on Uzui's arm.
He was set on fire.
"GYAAAAAAA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? WHO ARE YOU!?" Suma screeched as she pulled Nezuko away, "ISN'T IT TOO EARLY FOR A CREMATION!?"
Y/n joined them, Zenitsu still on her back while Tanjiro trailed after them.
"The poison is gone." y/n announced pointing to Uzui who looked stunned.
Hinatsuru, Makio and Suma took a moment to process it before practically jumping on Uzui while crying tears if joy.
"AYO, Y/N-" Shiori screeched and y/n's eyes lit up when she spotted the cat.
"Shiori!"
Suma glanced at y/n and started screaming, "Y/N! YOUR STOMACH-"
"?" y/n glanced down and was greeted by the sight of a whole wooden plank which had pierced her in the side.
As soon as she saw it and her blood, the pain finally kicked in and she froze.
That was her blood.
Wasn't it?
It was, wasn't it.
That was a whole wooden plank. IN HER BODY.
She could hear Zenitsu screeching something but hardly noticed.
God dammit.
"Oh." she murmured.
Then she collapsed.
____________________
- ngl im half 🍑ing my edits so i can continue writing the new version .-.
Shiori: Time for a Taisho Secret!
Shiori: Shinazugawa sometimes gets really worried when y/n is away on a mission and will make a ton of ohagi!
Shiori: By the time y/n returns, the smell of ohagi fills both the dojo and the space around it! The scent tends to linger for two to three weeks, sometimes even a month!
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