Oh No
There wasn't anything like a mini shrine at home, so Jennie wrapped the protective talismans with a good quality scarf and kept them in the cabinet.
Today, at this very moment, I could no longer say that she was faking her kindness. I finally understood Jennie for the first time.
She clearly cried secretly, but still smiled when facing the heartless Lisa. Like a good friend, she helped Lisa without saying anything for herself.
It felt like everything had reversed. I became the Jennie from ten years ago, and she became the me from ten years ago.
In the past, Lisa and I were worried about her. Now, she and Lisa were worried about me.
It didn't matter how sincere her 'worry' was. Whether it stemmed from giving Lisa face or truly from the bottom of her heart, she kept it inside and couldn't utter even a single complaint.
I couldn't help but think. When I was by Lisa' side, she only had Jennie in her eyes. Now that Jennie was by her side, she was thinking of me.
What were Jennie and I? Her white and red rose?
Did the mosquito blood on the wall become a cinnabar mole on her heart? And did the unattainable light before her bed become a grain of rice stuck on her shirt?
She was simply finding trouble on purpose.
The people by Lisa's side would only be hurt by what she did.
I was no longer around, and Jennie was such a good person. Lisa should cherish her.
For the people by her side, Jennie always did well as an actress. Being kind was Jennie's nature. She was never like Lisa, who was unable to smile for a photo for the whole day if her mood was terrible. Jennie always thought of others, be it in front of the screen or on the hospital bed. When she had to smile even though she wanted to cry, she would still smile brightly.
In the end, she went down the same wrong road as me. She acted strong in front of Lisa but was hurt. However, I felt that she was definitely stronger than me. She should be able to obtain what she wanted in the end.
I hope that this person who was more perfect and stronger than me could replace me and give Lisa happiness.
......
Having a break during Seollal, Lunar New Year, was something impossible for celebrities. From the first to the fifth day of Lunar New Year, Lisa and Jennie were both busy attending all the various entertainment shows. They played games in front of everyone, entertaining both themselves as well as the audience.
In the blink of an eye, it was the 13th of February. Tomorrow was Valentine's Day.
I have been waiting for the day Lisa's new album will be released.
Though, it was a pity I couldn't hold it with my own hands.
The video shops have already put up large posters of Lisa, waiting for the day the new album will be added to their display rack.
The poster this time was quite charming. She was dressed in a golden suit, which was different from the usual cold Lisa who always wore dark colours. She also hugged a large, fluffy dog and smiled very cutely.
My Lisa had never been so adorable. I was so close to salivating as I stared at the poster.
If I was still alive, I would definitely make this poster life-size and stick it on my wall to look at everyday.
Nevertheless, the real Lisa was still cold and wore dark-coloured clothing. She wasn't very excited about the release. She was still unable to contact me and was weary because of Jennie's heartless ridicule.
"Irene is ignoring you even on Valentine's day. Perhaps she's serious this time? Maybe she suddenly found that she had many high-quality handsome men and sexy women by her side and finally decided to abandon you?"
Hearing this, Lisa stared at Jennie miserably.
"Look, I'm speaking the truth. In the previous years, she would fly to the workshop in Switzerland and personally make you dark chocolates. This year, she didn't even call you." Jennie 'kindly' reminded her. "Think about it. She has the handsome and rich Sehun as well as the flawless Rosé by her side. Up till now, I'm still wondering why she fell for you."
Jennie was usually an angel, but when she was being vicious, she hit the nail on the head. Lisa had evidently received a blow.
That's right. You ate my chocolate for ten years, yet you still threw me away. Did you still hope for me to go so far and do something so foolish for you?
Jennie reminded me once again that I had done many foolish things when I was still alive.
Naturally, Valentine's day was a major event amongst all the commemorative days I celebrated with Lisa every year. Despite that, we didn't celebrate Valentine's day together even once.
Why? Because I was always on the plane during the day coming back from Switzerland. I was worried that the chocolate would melt if the temperature was too warm.
However, she would always return when it was early morning the next day. Most of the time, she returned with Jennie. I didn't even want to ask about it.
I would only be torturing myself if I asked.
Fortunately, she liked Swiss dark chocolate, so she didn't reject the chocolates even if they were made by me.
To add on, how could the things I make for her not be made meticulously? The taste of the chocolate was definitely one of the best in the world.
I always felt that it wasn't so bad. If I ever ruin my father's company due to my poor skills, I could still become a chocolate master.
During the afternoon on the 13th, snowflakes filled the sky again. It would likely be a beautiful, white Valentine's Day tomorrow.
For some reason however, I felt sorrowful as I stared at it.
On a snow-filled Valentine's day, the romantic people would enjoy a romantic day. However, a lonely person would probably feel more alone...
The sight of the two of them talking and laughing was much more beautiful. Jennie was wearing a warm-looking blue scarf, and Lisa was dressed thinly as usual. She was like this every winter. I was always trembling even though I was dressed like a bun. I didn't understand how she could withstand the bone-piercing cold when she was dressed like that.
I could only say that god has even taken "beautiful, ice-cold woman" into consideration when she designed Lisa's beautiful appearance.
They walked towards the underground parking lot together. When they made a turn at the corner of the stairs, they met Miss Park coincidentally.
Rosé was also lightly dressed. She was wearing a V-neck sweater and a shirt. All of her designs were clearly trendy, yet she liked wearing retro, British-styled clothing.
Thinking about it, I haven't seen Rosé for a very long time. Ever since her trip to L.A and Milan, she had been travelling around the world and was quite busy. I secretly pitied her. She wasn't able to catch Jennie and Lisa's relationship deteriorate and take advantage of it.
After greeting each other, they went down together. Previously, they were forcefully dragged along by me. That was why they went out together often. However, Lisa's attitude had always been cold. Additionally, Rosé always felt that I was suffering.
More often than not, the two of them would be glaring at each other when they met. The two of them hadn't met much afterwards even after Rosé became the manager of the company.
On the other hand, Jennie who often wasn't on the invite list quickly got along with Rosé. Ever since she became the brand ambassador of Rosé's new series, they became closer.
"I've heard that 'On The Ground' series was very successful at Paris' catwalk. Congratulations."
Jennie's compliment made Rosé smile happily. However, Jennie probably didn't understand the true meaning behind her expression.
Lisa gave them a glance and forced a smile. I knew that she was probably thinking in her heart "what's up with 'On The Ground' in the middle of winter" or something along those lines.
Anyway, there just seemed to be a natural animosity between her and Rosé.
I've always been worried about Rosé. I was afraid that Jennie would ask Rosé about me. Rosé had always been straightforward, I wasn't sure if she could handle it.
I finally heaved a sigh of relief when I saw them go separate ways to their own cars.
But suddenly, Jennie dragged Lisa along to Rosé. Like a smart alec, she wanted to help Lisa.
She knocked on Rosé's car window.
"Rosé, do you know... how Irene is doing?"
I really wished that Rosé was as cold and indifferent as Sehun, driving away without giving them a glance.
Unfortunately, Rosé visibly stiffened. I immediately had a bad feeling. It was very likely that she had heard about what happened to me from Sehun. She lived overseas for a very long time and was a candid person who spoke whatever was on her mind. She might say something unneeded because of Jennie's question.
However, it seemed that I had placed too much trust in Rosé.
"...Irene...you say?" She asked with difficulty.
"Yes, has she done her operation? How is her recovery? I'm sure you know. Could you bring us to meet her?"
With a red face, Lisa pulled Jennie back somewhat angrily.. Despite that, Jennie broke free from her hand with a smile, looking happy.
On the contrary, Rosé didn't think that there was anything to be happy about. Seeing Lisa and Jennie's relaxed look, she was baffled.
"Are you guys... unaware?" Rosé's current expression was dark. Sadness and condemnation that was hard to detect hid under her expression.
I knew that this time, it really was the end.
Rosé wouldn't bother thinking about why they didn't know. She wouldn't think about the consequences if she were to tell them the truth. She wouldn't think about whether or not I wanted Lisa, the person I loved the most, to know about my death.
Rosé would determine whether something was right or wrong with only a one track mind. She would refute someone's mistake and tell them the truth.
Therefore, when Lisa and Jennie were still comprehending the meaning behind her "are you guys unaware", Rosé struck them thoughtlessly. They were thoroughly stupefied.
She was very baffled, innocent and bitter. She was also resentful that they didn't know even though they were my lover and friend respectively.
"Irene has already passed away." She said seriously.
Although I was mentally prepared to hear someone announce my death for the first time, my mind still blanked out.
It felt like I was killed once again.
I lowered my head and felt a pang in my heart. I didn't dare look at Lisa's expression.
There was only silence, and everything felt empty.
I started desperately hoping, hoping that things would be just like how I imagined before I died: even if Lisa were to know the truth a few years later, she might sigh about it, but wouldn't mind it. Maybe my death would make her a little guilty, but my death would probably be similar to a pet she raised dying. She would definitely be sad, but not to the point that she wouldn't want to live anymore.
However, what I was currently afraid of was how she would react after hearing such news without being prepared.
I placed my hand on her palm which was slightly trembling, hoping that there would be a little bit of warmth for her.
How I wished I could hold Lisa's hand and squeeze her palm. In the past, I always used this secret method that belonged to us to comfort her.
I still didn't dare look up at her face.
Jennie was the first to recover from the shock. Biting her lip, she asked with a trembling voice in disbelief.
"But... didn't she find a suitable bone marrow?"
Rosé just came to the realization that she had said something she shouldn't have. However, it was clearly too late. Seeing Lisa and Jennie's pale expressions, she could only bite the bullet and tell the truth.
"... It had nothing to do with her illness...
... Irene died by suicide."
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