The Broken Vow (Published Under Bliss Books)
Wakas (Part One)
Hello, this is The Broken Vow's Wakas! It's been a tough ride but we made it 'til the end. Thank you so much for joining me into this journey with Elsa and piglet! This is just the first part. The next one will be posted in the next days.
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Wakas (Part One)
His Broken Vows
I can't bear imagining a day without you beside me. I can't imagine morning without seeing you beside me. Those thin red lips, immaculate face and your messy hair spread around my pillow after a night of making love.
"My wife..." I whispered while glancing at her early in the morning a day after our wedding day.
She's sleeping soundly, her pouty lips slightly swollen and parting for our endless kisses while she's naked underneath, only with the white sheets covering my treasure.
"Napagod ka, Mrs. Samaniego?" I whispered again and smirked when she hummed. Iginalaw niya ang katawan, nangungunot pa ang noo at sinubukan akong hagilapin kaya natatawang idinikit ko ang katawan sa kanya.
I spooned her and nuzzled her neck, sniffing her fresh vanilla scent mixing with my body shower.
"Amoy-Gelo." Natatawang sabi ko at hinaplos ang likod niya, "ang asawa ko amoy-Gelo."
She moved her body, mas idinantay niya ang katawan sa akin kaya inayos ko ang sarili para mas maging komportable siya. She almost covered me with her body, slowly crawling on my chest unconsciously and my pride rose up again, thinking how my piglet is acting.
"You are really in love with me, hmm?" I hummed and kissed her hair, "I do to. I'm in love with you, Philie."
I wasn't so sure if she heard it but I caught a glimpse of a ghost smile on her lips when I said that, making me feel calmer.
Years had passed ever since we became a couple but she still has this effect on me. The kind of effect that goes deep within, hindi mo napapansin pero nakapasok na. Nakatatak. Hindi mawawala kahit anong gawin.
She doesn't really give me butterflies. At first, yes. She can make my stomach turn upside down but now? It evolved into something more powerful. With her, I find comfort. I find peace.
I found home.
Being home with her after hours of tiring duties and operations is what makes me striving every day. The comfort I am feeling for her is more than just butterflies, it wasn't just a small garden. It's a forest now, a wild one.
That forest is large and endless. No matter how big it is, no matter how much I got lost and became stray, my heart found ways to get to her. To be home again.
The first time I met her is when I decided not to commit again after that stressing relationship I had with Samantha. She's a good woman, we're getting along at first but as time goes by, I knew it wasn't good for me.
It became stressful. It became toxic.
A lot of times, I wanted so bad to end our relationship because the feelings I thought I have for her is deep but it was shallow after all. Am I in love with her? I wasn't so sure, I think no.
Nakasanayan ko na kasing nand'yan siya pero hindi ako umabot sa puntong hahanapin ko siya kada oras. My day could go on with just work and work, if she would ask me to go with her in parties then I would since that was my responsibility as her boyfriend.
I'd watch her get along with her friends and would totally ignore me when she'd started having her own fun kaya tahimik lang ako at umiinom.
For a lot of times, I wanted to end it but seeing her getting sad because of her family, I am feeling bad for doing so. I can feel that she's leaning on me and I would let and give her support because I have a relationship with her.
I felt bad and guilty for leaving her just like that but it totally annoys me every time she would act so impulsive and won't listen if I would tell her suggestions and advices.
"Samantha, you are drunk." Malamig kong sabat nang makitang halos halikan na niya ang kaibigan sa dancefloor.
Does it affect me? No. Not anymore. I started feeling numb. It wasn't as if the first time I saw her make out with a stranger while she's dead drunk but of course, my ego was scarred. Kung ako, kahit ganito ang nararamdaman ko at gusto ko man kumawala na ay hindi basta-bastang gagawa ng ganito.
I am still committed, no matter how deep your feelings is for that person, may relasyon pa rin. Kahit malabo na kaming dalawa ay hindi ako kailan man sumubok maging ganito dahil hindi ako gano'n.
My parents did not raise us to be cheaters, to be a flirt when you are still committed to a person. I have my loving Mom and a wonderful sister, if I cheat and became an asshole because Samantha's like this, would it justify everything? No.
Ang Mommy at kapatid ko ay maaaring maapektuhan kapag ginawa namin 'yon. I wouldn't like the two of them getting the karma I would have if I play around while still committed.
"O-oh, Angelo!" she even looks happy seeing me, as if I did not catch her kissing someone else while she's still committed to me. "Bakit ka nandito?"
"You called me," malamig kong sabi at sumulyap sa lalaking tatawa-tawa pa habang nakatingin sa akin.
"O-oh, I did?!" she covered her mouth, "really?!"
I sighed hard and shook my head, "ihahatid na kita. Lasing ka na." Sabat ko at hinawakan ang kanyang siko para kunin pero tinulak niya ako.
"No!" she exclaimed, "I'm not done yet! I still wanna drink!" she cheered and put her arms around that man again.
I felt bad about myself. What is this bullshit? Am I really getting numb at this?
"Angelo, what is this I am hearing your girlfriend was seen kissing someone else?" my Mom called my attention when she got into my clinic that morning.
"Mom," I called and stood, kissing her cheek and noticed the irritation mixing with concern in her face. "She's drunk, I took her to her house last night and went home."
"She's drunk?" she sighed, "anak, alam ko namang may problema ang girlfriend mo pero bakit ganito? I know she's apologizing, telling you or me it's because she's drunk but this is getting out of hand now, Angelo! Anak, anak kita. You don't deserve that kind of relationship. She had to think of her self too! Walang mangyayari kung aasa lang siya sa 'yo at isa ka pa! I don't like how you act impulsive these days. Naririnig ko mainitin ang ulo mo? You are a doctor, Angelo, okay?"
I closed my eyes tightly and sighed, "I'm sorry, Mom."
"Loosen up, okay? You weren't like that before and honestly, I don't like this attitude of yours these days. Fix it with her, talk to her about her rendezvous. I am not against your relationship with her but these days? I don't know anymore." She touched my cheek and I felt bad about myself and her too, for she has to talk to me like this.
"Mahal kita, anak, okay? I am hoping for Samantha to wake up and be better but I don't want destroying you in the process." She tapped my cheek, "make up your mind, whatever your decision may be, I am here to support you. You're my eldest child and yet, you are like a baby, Angelo."
"Mom..." I chuckled with her remark and I noticed how happiness mirrored her black orbs.
"There, you smiled again, my angel." She hugged me gently and I felt at ease with that, the heaviness got lifted up. "She deserved to be better but I don't like you suffering in the process. Kung ayaw mo na, anak, okay lang na bumitaw. Anak kita kaya mas importante ka sa akin, gusto kong masaya ka. 'Yong totoong masaya."
I am hoping if it's still possible to fix everything since I want her to be better but every thing sometimes needed to come to an end, lalo na kapag sobra na.
I was keeping my cool that night when we argued but when she made me choose between her and my responsibility as a doctor, I lost it.
I don't like that. I love my work so much that I wanted to become a good doctor for my patients. I may be quiet at times but I wanted nothing but the best for them and their babies kaya no'ng pinapili niya ako ay nawala nan ang tuluyan ang naiisip kong possible pa kaming ayusin.
I ended it. That night, I put an end to that toxic relationship. I did my best to try and make amends because she became a part of my life but I needed myself too, I wanted the best for my responsibilities and my patients and I don't like people making me choose about those two things.
I believe relationship is a two-way communication. Hindi lahat ng oras nasa iyo ang oras ng taong karelasyon mo, they have responsibilities too so, you both will work on that and compromise.
After that shitty relationship, I spent my days working and working. The assholes were even teasing me about hook ups pero wala talaga akong gana sa gano'n. Everything will be complicated once you started having relationships and I told myself to just focus on my patients and my family.
But not until she came. That bubbly and pretty woman with bangs almost bouncing in happiness whenever I'd look at her.
Miss Persistent Awardee. Reyna raw ng Dinibdibang Lupa ng San Isidro pero wala namang dibdib.
I laughed like crazy and stopped when I noticed people glancing my way. Bigla akong umayos ng upo at nagseryoso, tumitikhim pa para makita nilang 'di ako baliw.
I thought she's just like her, she's just like those women but she proved me wrong.
Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula pero ang laking pasalamat ko na napilit ako nina Mommy na pumunta sa convention kasama si Castiel para mag-asikaso because if it wasn't for it? I'd never met her. I'd never met my confidante. My other half.
"Tang ina mo, gago. Sino bang inaantay mo sa bulletin at kanina ka pa nakatambay dito?" Castiel asked when he sat beside me.
"Wala." I answered boredly, resting my back on the bench.
"Weh?" he smirked at me, "baka mamaya hinahanap mo si Miss Philomena, ah? Nagtataka talaga ko bakit 'di na kayo nagpansinan no'ng pauwi na tayo, eh, no'ng una naman ang daldal niya. Kunwari ka pa ngang seryoso, akala mo ba 'di ko nakita 'yong tingin mo?"
I did not answer him, seryoso lang ang tingin ko sa bulletin na walang pang nakalagay na papel kaya iritadong-iritado ako.
"Bakit ang tagal?" reklamo ko na.
"Feeling ko nand'yan si Philie!" I almost jumped in shock when I heard a voice beside me.
"Phoebe!" I hissed when she crept in like a ghost.
"Oh, bakit?" she grinned innocently, "hinahanap mo si Philie, ano? Sa list ng lilipat? Ikaw, huh? Sabihin mo na kasi anong nangyari at biglang 'di na kayo nagpansinan?"
I didn't get to answer her when I saw a staff went closer to the board and started pinning papers in there. Mabilis pa sa alas-kwatro akong tumayo, hindi na inantay 'yong dalawang mag-syota na walang ginawa kung hindi mang-asar.
Dinig ko ang tawanan no'ng dalawa pero 'di ko na pinansin. I got engrossed checking the list for her name and felt annoyed when I didn't see her name.
"Wala na ba?" I asked, glancing at the staff who looked shocked seeing me beside her.
"D-doc?" she gasped, "ah, mayro'n pa po. Sandali."
"Yieee, may hinahanap ka, ano?" Castiel asked this time pero 'di ko na inimik, iritado dahil ang laki ng bibig. Nahahawa na ata 'to kay Phoebe.
Nilingon ko ang babae, she's grinning at me while staring maliciously.
"Ikaw, huh?" she grinned. "Hinahanap mo si—"
"Kiss her now so she'd shut up." I annoyingly pushed Castiel towards his annoying and talkative girlfriend but he laughed at me while holding her.
"Hinahanap mo lang kasi—"
"Fuck you," I spat coldly and became attentive when the staff came back.
"Doc, wait lang po." She said and posted the remaining name.
I was impatiently waiting for her to finished it up. Gustong-gusto ko nang sumilip at maghanap ng pangalan pero ayokong isipin ng dalawang malisyoso na 'tong hinahanap ko siya.
Oh, damn. I am looking for her but I don't want them knowing! It's not like I'm whipped or something.
Sanders, Riza P.
Senteno, Shane O.
My eyes landed on the next one.
Suarez, Philomena Dianne D.
"Yes!" I screamed loudly in glee. Nang makita si Castiel sa tabi kong nakanganga ay humagalpak ako sa tuwa at sinakal siya.
"She's here, man!" I choke him more, "Philomena will be here!" I laughed.
"Hala ka!" Phoebe screamed, "ang my loves ko mahihimatay na, Angelo!"
That's when I realized what I have done. I froze, looked around and when I realized everyone is looking, I let go of Castiel's neck and proceeded into making my usual cold face.
"I'm sorry, gumana ang kademonyohan ng kamay ko." I explained in a neutral, cold tone, walang pakialam na muntik nang mamatay ang kaibigan at nagwawala na si Phoebe.
I'm not whipped. Not. No. No fucking way.
When I saw her the first time again and knowing she's pregnant with that Hari ng Dinibdibang Lupa ng San Isidro shit, I lost it.
I take it back. I am fucking whipped.
Philomena became the comfort I am seeking all these years. I realized I can be a better man whenever I'm with her. I realized I am more than what I know I'm capable of.
She respected me too, my job, my responsibilities as an OB-gyne. She knew me more than I know myself. She compromised with me into working out this relationship and I was never this sure of my life until I met her.
Instead of chaos, she gave me peace. Siya ang naging pahinga ko. Siya ang tahanan ko.
That time, when she smiled at me with her usual bright face and adorable bangs, I know she's the only woman I'll marry, the only one I'd spend my lifetime with.
That morning after our marriage, I decided to get my wife some fresh breads for breakfast and saw Samantha in the lobby.
"Samantha," I greeted formally, nagtataka man kung bakit siya nandito ay tumango ako.
"S-saan ka?" she asked, a glint of nervousness is lacing on her voice.
"Bakery," I informed her, "what are you doing here?"
"Uhm..." she lowered her head and glanced at her fingers, "I wanted to talk to you, i-is it okay?"
"Is it important?" seryosong tanong ko, "if not, maybe we can schedule it some other time. You can ask my secretary—"
"T-this is urgent!" she exclaimed, "k-kailangan ko lang talagang makausap ka, Dean." She reached for my arm, pasimple akong lumayo at nabakas ang gulat sa mata niya pero hindi nagsalita. "P-please?"
I sighed, sumulyap ako sa orasan bago siya sulyapan.
"Five minutes," I informed her, "I have to go back quickly, my wife's waiting for me."
She nodded, nauna siyang maglakad palabas ng hotel kaya sinundan ko siya. She went on the side near the tress kaya nilapitan ko na at napabuntonghininga na lang sa sinabi.
"P-please, take me back, Dean." She murmured, her eyes are begging. "I-I'm still in love with you."
"N-nagkamali ako..." she explained, her eyes started swelling with unshed tears. "M-mali ako noon. I was i-immature, Dean! I thought you'd stay with me no matter what so I did that—"
"Samantha, we talked about this, right?" nagtitimpi ko nang tanong, "I would never leave my wife for you."
"P-pero mahal kita!" she exclaimed, "you weren't in love with her in the first place—"
"I am in love with my wife, Samantha." Mariing sagot ko.
"No," she shook her head, "hindi totoo 'yan! You weren't in love with her! All these years, ako lang, hindi ba?!"
She sounded so desperate. I closed my eyes tightly when she sobbed more.
"P-please, please, Dean..." she cried and held my arm, "a-ako na lang ulit. M-mahal kita! Mahal mo pa 'ko, hindi ba?"
I opened my eyes and looked at her icily, unti-unti, kinalas ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa braso ko at umatras.
"Please, stop this madness, Sam." I explained, trying to sound calm while talking to her so she'd understand me. "Matagal na tayong tapos. Go find yourself so you could find someone else for you again. Not me."
"B-but..." she sniffed, "I-I only want you, Dean! M-mahal kita, please! S-si Philie, sasaktan ka lang niya! H-hindi kayo bagay! You don't love her—"
"I'm in love with Philomena," I answered straightforwardly while looking at her eyes, "please, please don't bother us again. Don't harass my wife, Samantha. Ako ang makakalaban mo."
I caught how her emotions vanished from her face, her eyes turned stone cold kaya umiling na lang ako at iniwan siya roon pero natigilan sa kanyang sigaw.
"I-if I can't have you! No one can have you either!" she screamed, "I swear to you, Dean! I'll have you again!"
I sighed, hindi ko na siya nilingon at dumiretso na sa bakery para bilhan ng pagkain ang asawa ko pero 'di ko mapagkailang tumatak sa akin ang sinabi niya.
It sounded like a threat, right? She's threatening me? My wife?
My brows furrowed.
Just try and touch my wife, Samantha. You wouldn't know what I am capable of doing for her.
What I wasn't expecting is that, it'll happen that fast. I was crossing the street when I saw how the stoplight changed to a go for pedestrians and I did but a car speeding into my direction stopped me.
The next thing I know is the feeling of pain all over my body when my head got slammed on the road and I thought I'd lost my life that time—the last memory I had is my wife's smiling face while offering her hand to me until she faded slowly and as I closed my eyes, my tears fell down from my eyes.
My wife...
When I woke up with no memories intact, I was feeling lost and confused most of the times. My memories were on Samantha, back when we were just starting our relationship and every thing is good but sometimes, it feels off and I couldn't explain how and why.
My eyes landed on the woman in her blouse and pants. Even in her eyebags and tired face, she still looks beautiful.
She glanced at me and my heart pounded when I caught her gaze, the reason why I looked away. I noticed her walking out of the room kaya sumunod muli ang aking tingin sa kanya.
"Dean, what are you looking at?" Samantha's voice filled my ear. Sumulyap ako sa kanya.
"What?" I asked.
"Are you looking at her?" she asked me with a small voice and yet, her eyes are shooting daggers. "I am your girlfriend, Dean. Why are you looking at another woman? Aren't you happy seeing me?"
I stopped and looked at her, "I don't—"
"I see it, Dean." She said coldly, "you are checking her out, how can you do that while I'm here? You're cheating on me?"
"What are you saying?" iritado ko nang tanong, naguguluhan sa naging asta niya, "that is nonsense, I can't remember anything, Sam. I wasn't sure what is happening—"
"You wouldn't like to know what that woman did just to try and take you from me, Dean." She announced.
"What do you mean?" kumunot ang noo ko.
"Get ready, they would trick you into liking that woman, Dean." She held my hand and looked at me into my eyes, sincerity is etched in it. "Whatever what they say, remember that I know better and I...I won't tell you everything for now but that woman is bad for you, she is bad for us. Whatever they say, don't believe in it that fast kasi ako, alam ko lahat ng nararamdaman mo, Dean. Alam ko ang nangyari sa 'yo. Sa akin ka maniwala, hmm?"
I was confused and wanted to ask her more questions but my head began aching.
"I love you, Gelo, please? I wanted the best for you, okay?" she hummed and squeezed my hand but my head felt like spinning again.
I can hear a familiar voice inside my head but I couldn't comprehend what that is saying. I saw figures from the flashbacks but after a few seconds, it'll vanish.
"Dean? You understand me, right? Ako, mahal na mahal mo ako. That woman is evil. Don't get swayed by whatever she's saying, okay?"
I nodded at her and sighed.
That woman is bad for me. She's bad for us.
With that in mind and with the confusion of feeling something unexplainable to Philomena, I distanced myself from her. I wouldn't want to cheat on my girlfriend now that I am feeling this way for her.
When I'm seeing her, the unexplainable happens. My ear would start hearing her voice but it's deeper, my heart would ache with some blurred memories and I can't see anything, other than that fading and slurry voice from her.
"Kumain ka na, Philie? Tara kain! May dala 'kong pagkain para sa 'yo!" my forehead creased upon hearing my brother's voice offering her foods and from her tired face, she'd smile at him widely and I can see how she's suddenly look bright and bubbly.
"Really?! Anong food dala mo? Dapat masarap, ah! Kapag 'di masarap, salamat na lang sa lahat!" she said and chuckled. Nang tumayo siya sa sofa at akbayan siya ni Blaze habang dinudungaw ang pagkaing dala ay nagsalubong ang kilay ko.
This asshole...
I felt my chest getting heavier and I tried shrugging it off.
"Dean, kumain ka na." Sam's voice called but my eyes are pinned on my brother and that woman laughing when my asshole of a brother said something funny and she's laughing at that.
Lumiit ang kanyang mata, her smile widened the same time her cheeks rose, making her look lively.
Why is she smiling that way at him?
"Dean..." Sam called.
"Ayoko," sagot ko habang mariin pa ring nakatitig sa dalawa.
I felt like I'm gonna throw up while looking at them. The sight of them laughing together made me so sick and annoyed.
"Dean—"
"Sinabing ayoko nga, 'di ba?" my voice was irritated and hard when I told her that, stunning me too.
Natahimik siya. Sam's eyes widened with my outburst and when I noticed her eyes in the verge of crying, I gasped. Guilt crept inside, suddenly feeling bad of getting jealous with Philie and Blaze while I have my girlfriend here, feeding me.
Napasulyap sa amin ang dalawa. Mabilis akong nag-iwas at hinuli ang kamay ni Samantha.
"I'm sorry..." I murmured and looked for her eyes, "I'm sorry."
I'm sorry because I was jealous of someone I know I shouldn't have.
Avoiding and distancing myself is the best I could do not to feel something for Philomena. She would always smile sweetly at me and I admit it made my heart go haywire but I know how wrong that is. Samantha warned me about this, they would try and sway me so we'd break up.
"She's always rude to me," Samantha told me when we were alone again.
"What?"
"K-kahit dati pa," she lowered her head, "she's...she doesn't like me to be with you. She despised me, Dean. She didn't like me." Bulong niya at yumakap at natahimik lang ako at iniangat ang kamay para yakapin siya pero ang utak ay nanatiling nasa babaeng iyon.
What are you doing to me, Philomena?
When she asked me what I'll do if ever she's more than everything I know of. She asked me if what if she's my wife and I laughed it out, telling her it's impossible I'd like someone like her but when I saw how the happiness left her face. I knew I did the wrong thing.
Nang makita ko ang sakit sa kanyang mata ay may kumurot sa puso ko. She smiled despite it but it felt so empty. It pained me knowing how much she tried smiling in the state, even though I know it wasn't real.
Until we got inside the airport, she was quiet and my eyes won't leave her side. Nakatungo siya at nakatitig sa kanyang kamay at hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman.
Habang nakikita siyang gano'n ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang kirot at bigat sa dibdib ko.
"Dean, careful." Samantha said while helping me up and a blurry memory flashed in my mind.
"I'm fine, babe." I answered, like it was a natural thing to say but when I realized what I just said, I was stunned.
Immediately, the pain that have subsided came back. Parang pinukpok ang ulo ko sa sakit kaya napaupo ako sa upuan at ipinikit ang mata, ibinabaon ang mukha sa mga palad kahit 'di naman nakakatulong sa pagkakawala nito.
"Dean!"
"Angelo!" I heard Philie's voice beside me, humawak siya sa kamay ko at mas sumakit ang ulo ko.
"Babe, ngingiti na 'yan!" a sweet voice lingered inside my head and it ache more.
"I love you, Gelo ko. Sa akin ka lang, ah?" the sweet voice sounded so sure and familiar and the ringing became louder inside my head. I find it hard to explain and started pulling my hair desperately.
"G-Gelo..." she called again and I buried my face more in my palm, trying to stop the pain my head is making whenever I am hearing her voice.
"D-don't..." I shook my head and moved away. "D-don't touch me..."
Until we got inside the airplane, she seemed so distant and thinking about the blurred and slurry voices inside my head whenever she's here...what is she's really my wife? Is it really possible?
She's really in love with me?
"Dean, what are you looking at?" Sam's softly inquired but I couldn't give her much attention.
My head keeps on thinking about her and the words I said. I noticed how she avoided my gaze. I even noticed her wanting to give me the foods she cooked and I remembered when she told me about it earlier.
Katabi ko si Sam sa byahe pero ang mata ko ay na kay Philomena na kanina pa hindi mapakali sa kanyang upuan. When she went inside the restroom, I stood and followed her and when she got out, I knew she's having a hard time during our flight.
I asked the flight attendant for some meds for her and gave it. Gumaan lang ang pakiramdam ko nang makita ang pagliwanag ng kanyang mata nang buksan ko na ang Tupperware ng pagkain at kumain mula roon.
What if we're in a relationship? Was she really in love with me or it's a joke? Is it a ploy like what Samantha is telling me? How about Blaze? Why are they so close?
Gulong-gulo ako. These days, I've been trying to remember but my head would end up aching so I did not push through it but this woman is making me so curious of her and her actions.
The ways she looked at me, I know there is something. Not just about her but also, with me. I know there is something wrong with me and I wanted to find out what it is.
Who are you, Philomena? Are you an important forgotten memory of mine? Or a memory I tried so hard to forget?
I wanted to see how I affect her so, when we reached the Philippines soil and Samantha informed us she'll be going, I did the unthinkable.
"Take care, hon. I love you. I'll see you tomorrow." I told her and kissed her forehead, watching Philomena's expression and how it turned miserable and pained.
Fuck it. She really did like me? She's in love with me?
That thought bothered me a lot. I wanted to talk to her about it but jealousy and me being irrational always wins. Pride took over my mind and avoided her but hell, I find it really hard.
From: Samantha
Whatever she's saying, I hope you won't believe her that fast, Dean. Sinisira niya tayo. Please, don't give her your attention.
To: Samantha
I'm not.
My eyes are blurry while tapping on the reply and waiting for her to come home after going with Blaze.
Meeting her suitors, huh? Fuck it. She acts like she's in love with me and yet, she's dating?
From: Samantha
I see the way you look at her and I don't like it. I am your girlfriend, okay? You won't dare cheating on me with that woman. You are in love with me, Dean. Don't get swayed by her. She's a liar. She can play dirty to ruin us both. Please, h'wag mong sayangin ang pinagsamahan natin para sa babaeng 'yan.
I closed my eyes tightly and drank another glass.
From: Samantha
I love you, Dean. We'll get married soon.
Hindi na ako sumagot at nang dumating si Philomena kasama ang mga kaibigan ko, mas lumalim ang gatla sa noo ko.
She really is close with them. Maybe, maybe she's an important part of me?
"I said I am your fucking wife, Angelo!" she screamed in much frustration, making my head spin. Pumintig ang sentido ko. Naghalo-halo ang boses at magulong mga ala-ala sa utak ko kasabay ng bigat sa dibdib.
I want to see Samantha. I want to hear the truth from her!
"Stop fucking talking! I don't want to hear your lies!" I exclaimed and tried walking out but the pain turned extreme.
Nanlabo ang paningin ko, at kasabay noon ay ang pagsakit ng ulo hanggang sa mawalan na ako ng lakas at bumagsak sa daanan. Ang huling narinig ko ay ang sigaw niya sa pangalan ko at ang isang pamilyar na ngiti ng isang babae sa ala-ala.
She's my wife. Damn it. She was telling me the truth all along and I know I should be happy.
Hell, I can slowly understand why I feel this way towards her but when I found out she was cheating on me and our parents forced us to be together, the hope was replaced with disappointment and disgust.
"You are planning the divorce immediately after your wedding," Samantha stated while we're in the garden of the hospital I am in. "Masakit na kailangan mong pakasalan siya dahil sa magulang mo pero aantayin naman kita, Dean, eh."
Sinulyapan ko siya, "what are you saying?"
"You promised me...you promised me you'd ask her for divorce months after you two get married. Just for the sake of your parents. You wanted to work it out at first but we found out she cheated."
My jaw clenched. Tila may kung ano ang bumara sa lalamunan ko habang nakikinig sa kanya.
"See that man she's with? That is him." She sighed, "that's her man."
Hindi ako umimik. Nanatili ang titig ko sa mga damo sa harapan, ang galit ay namumuo sa dibdib na gusto ko na lang magwala.
She touched my hand, mabilis akong sumulyap kay Samantha at malambing ang tingin niya sa akin.
"Dean..." she hummed and squeezed my hand, moving her face closer to me. "Ako lang ang mahal mo, hindi ba?"
Hindi ako nakasagot. I tried looking for the feelings inside my chest but I felt nothing. It's numb and empty. I couldn't even explain why.
"Ako lang, ako lang dapat," bulong niya.
She tilted her head up. When I realized she wanted to kiss me, I jolted away from her. I pulled my hand away and looked at her with my furrowed brows.
"What are you doing?" I asked coldly.
"Kissing y-you?" she murmured, "I just wanted to kiss my boyfriend—"
"I have a wife, Sam." Malamig kong sabi at inilayo ang kamay sa kanya.
"But she cheated on you!" she exclaimed, "why are you like that—"
"If she cheated then I won't be like her, okay?" iritado kong sabi. "I am not like that, Sam. You know that."
Ang sakit ay namuo sa mga mata niya dahil sa sinabi ko.
"O-oo nga! Paano naman ako—"
"We'll talk about this when I'm done with the divorce," sagot ko at umayos ng tayo. "I'll fix this as soon as I could. For now, leave me alone, Sam. Let me finish this one."
"B-but..."
"Excuse me." I nodded, placing my hand inside my coat and left her there, alone.
Turns out, it was the worst decision I had ever made. The decision I made while I was drunk and fucking jealous.
When I asked her to sign the divorce papers and noticed the painful glint on her eyes, gustong-gusto kong bawiin ang ang sinabi. Mas lumalim ang sakit, when she began crying and sobbing—I was broken.
But she cheated, Angelo! She fucking cheated! How can you still feel that way?
"I'm not..." she sobbed and tried holding my hand, "I-I would never cheat on you, Angelo! Please, please, let me love you."
Then, it dawned to. Thinking how I become unreasonable and unfair to her and my judgments. I listened to Samantha, believing her prejudice of her towards my wife.
Paano naman ang asawa ko? I am being unfair to her.
When I lifted my hand and dried her tears, comfort filled my chest. It was a familiar feeling, tila niyayakap ako ng pagiging komportable habang nakatitig sa kanyang mga mata.
I am decided to try it out with her without opinions from other people, realizing it was unfair on her part as my wife. I had an amnesia, how can other people know my feelings about her? Dapat...dapat ako ang makaalam ng pakiramdam na 'yon.
Dapat, ako ang magsasabi sa sarili ko at sa nararamdaman ko. Hindi ang ibang tao.
"Papa Dean, love mo po si Mama Philie?" my eyes landed from checking Stacy's vitals to her sitting on the bed prettily.
"Yes, baby?" I asked.
"Question ko po, love mo po ba si Mama Philie?" she asked again kaya ngumiti na ako.
Ibinaba ko ang chart na hawak bago lumapit sa anak. I carried her and laughed when she giggled and sat on my lap.
"Bakit mo naman natanong?" malambing kong sabi habang nakatitig sa kanya.
She smiled brightly at me and even without my memories of her, I can feel she is special to me and Philie. The two of them can make me feel warm and welcome.
"Kasi po, nakita po kita nag-smile habang nakatingin kay Mama!" she giggled and took my glasses kaya napapikit ako, "alam ko naman po na love mo si Mama kaya kayo nag-marry pero tatanong ko lang po ulit."
"Hmm," I nodded and shook my head when she tried wearing my reading glasses. "Don't wear that, Stacy. Baka lumabo ang mata mo."
She looked at me and proceeded into giving me my glasses back kaya naipikit ko ang mata at hinayaan siya.
"What can you say about Mama Philie, anak?" I asked her gently when I opened my eyes, "look at me, can you tell Papa Dean what are we before?"
"Po?" she looked confused.
"Nothing," I chuckled, "Papa Dean is just curious what I look like when Mama Philie is here. Kasi 'di ba, 'di ko naman nakikita ang sarili ko? I just wanted to ask your perspective about it, Stacy."
She seemed to understand it. Nang inabot niya ang marshmallow niya ay kinuha ko iyon at inilapit sa kanya.
She rested her body on my chest and adoringly munched on her mallows kaya napangiti ako.
"Come on, Stacy. You got your mallows now. Answer me." Lambing ko kaya mabilis niya akong nilingon.
Her bright, black eyes shone more whenever she smiles.
"Love na love mo po si Mama," she told me, "happy po ako dati kasi po Papa ko po ikaw pero mas naging happy po ako no'ng nand'yan na si Mama Philie ko kasi po I have a family na!"
"Really?" lambing ko at sinulyapan ang ekspresyon niya.
"Opo! Mama Philie is an angel po, Papa Dean! Happy po tayo before pero mas happy po tayo no'ng nand'yan na si Mama!" hearing it from here, I realized something.
She really is an important part of me.
"Papaalam ka nga po sa akin noon, Papa! Sabi mo po na love na love mo si Mama kaya po papakasal kayong dalawa!" she cheered, "kaya happy po ako! Kapag po ba gagaling na si Stacy baby n'yo na akong totoo?"
My heart swelled upon looking at her innocent face I found myself nodding.
"Yes, Stacy." I answered, "you are our daughter now but let me promise to you, I'll make sure you'll be a real part of us, hmm?"
"Take care mo po si Mama ko, ah?" she grinned.
"Yes, I will." I touched her cheek gently, "kaya papagaling ka, anak, ah?"
"Opo! Promise me, Papa Dean!" she exclaimed and showed me her pinky finger.
"I promise," I mumbled and intertwined my finger with hers before kissing her forehead.
That night when they decided we'll be having our wedding in the chapel, I was ecstatic and the same time, confused. When I saw her walking in towards me in the aisle, I was baffled.
My heart is thumping hard I couldn't explain why but blurry memories kept on coming inside my head that it's becoming unbearable.
Alam kong dapat masaya ako. Ramdam ko ang pamilyar na pakiramdam habang sinasabi niya ang pangako niya sa akin si altar pero pumipintig ang ulo ko sa sakit.
I tried so hard and tried remembering her smiling face, only to get a headache and voices playing with me. Naipikit ko ang mata, wala na akong maintindihan sa kanyang sinasabi kaya nanatili akong nakatulala sa kanyang mukha.
She's crying and yet, my mind is somewhere else. Ang pamilyar na boses niya'y patuloy na umuugong sa utak ko, kasabay nito ay ang sinasabi ni Samantha kaya napaatras ako at napapikit ng mariin.
When I turned my back and left her alone in the chapel, I was confused. Gulong-gulo ako at nadadalian sa nangyayari kaya napabagsak ako ng upo sa lapag. I clutched my throbbing head and closed my eyes.
Gusto ko nang makaalala...gusto na kitang maalala.
Gusto ko nang malaman kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko sa 'yo, Philomena.
I was a lucky ass she even gave me another chance and right at that time, I swear to myself to work things out for us. For her because I know now, kahit hindi ko pa siya tuluyang maalala, mahal na mahal ko siya.
"Thank you so much for coming into our briefing." My father, Terrence Brenan Samaniego, an Ob-gynecologist like me greeted everyone who came.
It was a medical briefing regarding a patient in our ward in need of an urgent yet critical operation. Infant pa lang ang bata kaya kailangan ng meeting mula sa mga eksperto para masiguro ang kaligtasan nito.
"Can we start now? May kulang pa ba?" Dad looked around and caught my eye kaya tumango ako.
"My wife," I answered kaya tumango siya.
"We're sorry, Dra. Philie can't go today." My eyes shifted and saw that Jonathan in all smiles while walking towards us.
"What do you mean?"
"She's a bit busy, hahabol daw kapag okay na." He answered me instead and sat comfortably beside me.
I frowned. That's my wife's seat!
"I see," Dad nodded and glanced my way, "we'll start the meeting, Angelo."
Tumango ako at nawalan na ng gana. I was looking forward seeing my wife today since I spend an all-nighter last night for an operation and yet...
The meeting started and I contributed in telling them what to do and how to decide with my fellow doctors. However, I am not that attentive. My shoulders are slouched while listening to the people around.
I wanna go out and see my wife.
"I'm very sorry I'm late. I hope I'm still needed?" mula sa walang ganang pagtitig sa kape ay umayos ako ng upo.
When I looked at my back and saw my beautiful wife smiling, my face brightened.
"No worries, Dra." Dad smiled, "Angelo, give her a seat—"
Hindi na niya kailangang sabihin iyon dahil tumayo na ako. I attentively ran towards the extra seats and carried one while looking at my wife following me.
"Inaantay mo 'ko?" she asked when she caught me looking excited.
"Hmm..." I hummed and kissed her cheek, "tara."
Sumunod siya sa akin. Nahuli kong sinusundan ng tingin no'ng Jonathan ang asawa ko kaya sumimangot ako.
"Philie, dito ka—"
"Tabi." I said coldly and moved my seat. Naguguluhan man si Jonathan ay nausog niya ang upuan habang inalalagay ko sa kabilang gilid ang kay Philie at sa gitna nila ako.
"Bakit—"
"Here, babe." I glanced at my wife like a puppy and offered her the seat on my other side.
"Thank you, Gelo." She smiled softly and planted a quick kiss on my cheek. Iniangat ko naman ang upuan para alalayan siya at nang makaupo ay naupo rin ako sa gitna.
Philie placed her hand on my leg and I caught it before intertwining our fingers under the table and glanced at Jonathan beside me.
"Tabi kami." I told him proudly before smirking and he just blinked in confusion.
Ngising-ngisi pa akong sumulyap sa harapan at doon lang natantong nasa amin ang atensyon ng lahat at sobrang tahimik na ng table at parang nanunuod ng palabas.
Mas naguluhan ako, mabilis kong sinulyapan si Dad na ngising-ngisi pa sa akin.
"You're that whipped, son?" he blurted out loud, turning my proud smirk into a poker faced one but it was too late, nagtatawanan na sila sa naging reaksyon ko habang nag-iinit ang mukha ko sa kahihiyan.
Fuck.
I have a bright vision for our future together. Even with my amnesia, I know inside my heart that it was her I wanted to marry again and again. Together, we'll build a family with Stacy.
Nawala man ang ala-ala ko, alam ko sa sariling may pag-asang bumalik iyon pero kahit wala? It's okay with me, we can make new memories together.
"Papa Dean, I love you po!" Stacy's small voice said when I visited her that morning to check on her and have a quick bond.
"I love you too, Stacy." I kissed her forehead, "papagaling ka, anak, ah? After your recovery, mamamasyal tayo nina Mama Philie."
"Okay po!" she tried cheering her voice but it sounded weak and slow. "Papa Dean, love na love po kita atsaka si Mama Philie po."
"We love you too, Stacy." I pinched her cheek. She caught my hand touching her face. Napangiti ako nang bigyan niya iyon ng maliit at may tunog na halik sabay pisil.
"Alagaan mo po si Mama, ah?" she muttered and I felt a bit off at those words pero 'di ko binigyan ng pansin.
"I will." I nodded, "we'll visit you again, baby. Kain ka ng madami, huh? Para lumakas ka."
She remained staring at me.
"Papa Dean will go first," I informed and was about to go when her grip on my hand tightened. Nagulat ako, mabilis kong nilingon si Stacy at ngumiti siya sa akin.
"P-papa, pwede po ako yayakap sa 'yo po?"
My eyes softened, mabilis akong naupo sa kama at inilahad ang braso sa kanya.
"Alright, let me hug my beautiful daughter." I chuckled and assisted her when she jumped into my arms. "Ang bango naman ng Stacy ko, amoy Mama Philie, ah?"
"Gagamit po ako no'ng cologne po ni Mama!" she chirped happily. Binuhat ko siya sa braso ko bago siya patakan ng halik.
"I love you, Stacy. We'll see you tomorrow, hmm?" I said, remembering I might be having a long operation today. "Pahingi nga ang kiss si Papa Dean para may energy?"
She moved her face, giving me kisses.
"Mwuah!" she kissed my cheek soundly, "love na love ka po ni Stacy! Kayo po ni Mama! Ba-bye po, Papa! See you po!"
"I'll see you again," I murmured and took her back on her bed. "Rest well, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."
"Papa!" she called again before I turned my back kaya nilingon ko siya, "bye po, Papa!" she waved her hand cutely at me.
I was looking forward in building a family with Stacy and Philomena, with fresh memories and new morning but a phone call changed everything.
Sana hindi ko na sinagot, sana hindi na ako pumunta. Sana hindi na ako nakinig.
A phone call from Samantha changed everything and I lost my family. Sa pagpatay ng ilaw ay nawala rin sa akin ang mga tahanan ko.
The same night when Stacy died, I lost my wife too.
"Angelo, kumain ka na." Chance offered pero hindi ko na naimik. My eyes are glued to my daughter in the white coffin, even in her death, she looks in peace with her smiling face.
"Angelo, kagabi ka pa walang kain. Parehas na kayo ni Philie." Cairis called this time, inaabot na ang braso ko.
"My wife..." I murmured and glanced at them, "ang a-asawa ko, kumain na?"
"Hindi pa nga rin," she sighed. "Kagabi pa kayong dalawa. Sa tingin n'yo ba matutuwa si Stacy na ganyan kayo? Do you your daughter will be happy seeing you two starving?"
Tumungo ako at ipinikit ang mata.
"K-kasalanan ko 'to," bulong ko sabay tungo.
"Angelo..."
"T-this is my fault, Chance." I looked at my cousin, "k-kasalanan ko...k-kung nando'n lang ako no'ng kailangan ako ng asawa ko. K-kung nando'n lang a-ako..."
"'Di n'yo ginusto ang lahat ng 'to, Gelo." Cairis murmured and sighed, "h-hindi n'yo ginusto, hmm? Wala...wala kayong kasalanan."
Mas sumikip ang pakiramdam ko. Napaupo ako sa upuan at sinapo ang ulo.
"S-sana kasi...tang ina, gusto ko na makaalala." Bulong ko at naramdaman ang pagbasa ng luha nang pagtungo ay kumawala ito. "G-gusto ko...gusto ko na."
"Angelo..." Cairis whispered and hugged me and it didn't stop my tears from falling more.
"G-gusto ko nang makaalala, Cai." Bulong kong desperado, "n-nasasaktan na ang asawa ko...nasasaktan na siya."
I did my best to be strong for the both of us but maybe, maybe I was too late. Nang mas kumapit ako'y kasabay nito ang unti-unting pagbitaw ng asawa ko sa relasyon naming dalawa.
"Babe, kain ka na." I urged her and offered her the tray. "Philie? Babe?"
"Wala akong gana." Malamig niyang sabi at tumitig muli kung saan.
"Hindi p'wedeng hindi," marahan kong sabi, "kahapon ka pa walang kain, hindi p'wedeng—"
"Sinabing ayoko nga, eh?!" she hissed, startling me.
Her once gentle and full of life orbs turned into something else. Blank, cold and tired.
"Philie—"
"Ang sakit mo sa ulo, Angelo!" she raised her voice and stood from her seat.
"But..." I gulped and followed her, "kaunti lang—"
"You're annoying." She spat, "shut up, will you?"
My chest tightened and I found it hard to breathe but I was persistent to let her eat.
"Philie," inilapit ko sa kanya ang tray, "kahit mamaya na lang—"
"Sinabing ayoko nga!" she screamed and pushed the tray, sa ginawa niya ay nahulog ang pagkaing iniluto ko at nahuli ko kung paano siya natigilan.
"I-I'm sorry..." she looked stunned acting that way at ako rin pero tumango ako.
"It's okay," I nodded and gave her a smile, "sorry for bothering you. Linisin ko na lang, lulutuan kita ulit ng pagkain, sa kusina ko na lang ilalagay."
She glanced at me and our eyes met. The apology and shock is written on it kaya malambing akong ngumiti.
"Rest first, babe." I nodded, "ayos lang..."
"S-sorry..." she lowered her head and dried something on her cheek and entered her room.
I watched her as she got inside and my eyes landed on the foods scattered on the floor. Kumuha ako ng pamunas doon sa ibaba bago linisin pero habang nakatitig doon ay mas bumigat ang puso ko.
My cheeks dampened when a tear escaped from my eye. Napaupo ako sa lapag at sinapo ang ulo ko nang maramdaman ang pagkirot nito habang naaalala ang mga luha ni Philie.
Gusto ko nang makaalala. Gusto ko na. Gusto ko na.
For days after Stacy's burial, we didn't get to talk. She's avoiding me. Hindi nga siya umuwi ng bahay dalawang gabi na pero nang tawagan ko si Cairis at Phoebe at sinabi nilang naroon ang asawa ko ay kumalma na ako.
This time, I waited for her in her office.
"Philie..." tumayo ako at nabakas ang gulat sa mata niya nang makita ako.
"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly. The love glistening from her eyes vanished in a blink of an eye.
"S-susunduin ka lang," I put my palm inside my pants to hide it from shaking in nervousness. "Uuwi na tayo."
"I won't go home." Mahinang sagot niya at nilagpasan ako kaya hinabol ko siya.
"P-Philie," I called, "what are you saying? Uuwi na tayo—"
"I don't have a home with you, Angelo." She announced icily, stopping me.
"Philie," in my shaking voice, I managed to calm myself down. "What are you saying? U-uuwi pa tayo, 'di ba?"
"Don't worry..." she looked away, "naghahanap na 'ko ng lilipatan."
Naramdaman ko ang pagbasa ng pisngi ko sa luhang 'di napansing nahulog na pala. She saw it but she lowered her head and shook her head.
"Pagod na ako," bulong niya bago ako inunahan ng lakad kaya hinawi ko ang luha at mabilis na sumunod sa kanya.
Ako rin, Philie. Pagod na ako...pero hindi kita susukuan. Hinding-hindi ko susukuan ang tahanan ko.
"A-ako na magdala..." mahinang sabi ko sabay kuha sa kanya ng bag at walang-ganang inabot niya iyon sa akin at umiling.
"Pagod na 'ko." Ulit niya sa mahinang boses kaya napatungo na ako pagkatapos pagmasdan ang likod niyang papalayo sa akin.
I lost her...I lost my wife.
"Ayusin mo 'yan, ah?" utos ko kay Blaze habang kausap siya sa airport.
We were seated on the bench while waiting for our connecting flight. Si Dad ay nasa tabi ko at tahimik, ka-text si Mommy base sa ngiti niya.
"Oo na, Kuya." Tawa niya, "'di kaya sa 'kin na magalit si Philie niyan, ah?"
"Why?"
"Kasi 'di ba, 'di kayo ayos tapos dadalhan ko siya ng bulaklak araw-araw habang wala ka?" tawa niya, "baka mapagbuntungan ako ng galit, Kuya. Bestfriend ko pa naman 'yon."
"Just do it, Blaze. Please." I sighed, "I have to monitor if she'll be receiving the flowers. Nabayaran ko na 'yan sa shop, ikaw na lang ang magbigay habang wala ako. Ako naman na papalit kapag tapos namin ni Dad dito. This will be quick, I swear."
"Hmm, let me think..." he teased.
"Fuck you." I hissed, earning a laugh from him.
"Ano munang kapalit—"
"I'll help you look for her." I announced and it stopped him.
"M-madali naman akong kausap, Kuya," he cleared his throat. "Don't worry, makakarating itong bouquet ng baby's breath flowers mo kay Miss Persistent Awardee! Promise mo 'yan, ah?"
"Yeah," I smiled a little, "just make sure she'll be receiving the flowers. If not, ipapakain ko sa 'yo 'yan."
"Harsh!" he laughed, "oo na, with sweet messages ba gusto mo? Sabihin ko, Philie, bigay ni Kuya, oh. With hugs and kisses. Mwuah-mwuah chup chup?"
"Gago..." iling ko, "but thanks. I'll help you with it when I get back."
Nang maibaba ko ang phone ay may iniabot sa akin si Dad, I took it and nodded.
"Thanks, Dad." Mahinang sabi ko at binuksan ang soda para uminom at gano'n din siya.
"How's Philie?" he asked.
Sinulyapan ko siya, he looked serious while asking that. Malamig ang mga mata pero halatado ang sinseridad doon kahit hindi masyadong pansin.
"Not good," I answered. "Stacy's death took a toll on us, plus that scene with Samantha. Hindi ko na alam, Dad. Nahihirapan ako pero hindi ko papakawalan ang asawa ko."
He nodded. He looked at me as if he's gazing through my soul and observed before speaking.
"Do you love your wife, Angelo?" seryosong tanong niya at habang nakatitig ay mabilis akong tumango.
"Yes." I answered without second thoughts.
"Hmm," he nodded, "kahit 'di mo siya naaalala?"
"I am randomly having flashbacks, Dad." I told him and stared at my soda. "Pero kahit...kahit 'di ko naman siya maalala, kilala siya nito." I pointed my chest and glanced at my father.
"My heart knows its home," I murmured and smiled, "I'd never give up on my wife, Dad. Siya ang naging lakas ko no'ng wala akong maalala, no'ng nagising ako, kahit wala akong maalala nand'yan siya kaya ngayon? Ako naman. Ako naman ang lalaban sa relasyon namin. I intend to keep this marriage intact, Dad."
Slowly, a small smile left his lips.
"Good, son. That's good. H'wag kang gagaya sa 'kin noon." Tawa niya at nailing, "fight for her, hmm? I like Philie, anak ko na rin iyon. Wala akong ibang gugustuhin para sa 'yo kung hindi siya lang."
"When we get back, Dad?" I called, "can I ask Tito Greg something? Maybe...maybe there is something we could do to retain my memory? Gusto ko nang makaalala, kung p'wede pa. Gusto kong maalala ang ala-ala ko sa asawa ko."
"We'll work on it," he tapped my back. "I'll help you. Just promise me, you'll take good care of Philie, okay? She's a good woman."
"I will," I nodded. "I'm in love with my wife, Dad."
He nodded and smiled. He excused himself to go to the restroom kaya sumulyap ako sa phone. I scrolled through the gallery of my old phone where countless photos of Philie is stored.
I watched her video in it that one time we had our dinner and she stole the meat from my plate kaso nahuli ko siya kaya gulat na gulat siya at nagkunwaring 'di kinuha ang karne sa plato ko.
"Adorable..." I mumbled and lifted my phone and kissed her image in there, "I love you, babe. I can't wait to come home to you."
Kahit 'di na ako ang tahanan mo, ikaw pa rin ang akin. Sa 'yo pa rin ako uuwi, Philomena.
"Son, nadala mo ba ang files na pinapadala ng Mommy mo?" Dad asked when she got back kaya tumango ako at kinuha ang briefcase na hawak.
"You need it?"
"Yeah, where is it?" he asked.
"Nasa envelope, sandali." I told him and took the envelopes inside my case. Kaagad kong binuksan ang isa para tignan pero hindi kaya ibinalik ko.
Bakit ba pare-pareho ito?
I took the other one and opened it, checking if it was my father's file but I saw something else.
Petition of Divorce
I was stunned. Natulala pa ako nang makita iyon.
It's not what I think it is, right?
I urgently took it out and read it with my shaking hands and realized it was the file I gave her.
My eyes immediately find my signature and when I shifted my gaze, I saw how her sign was written there.
"N-no..." umiling pa ako at humigpit ang hawak doon.
"Angelo, bakit?" pero 'di ko na siya napakinggan, mabilis akong tumayo at tinakbo ang labas at nanginginig ang kamay na nagtipa ng numero sa telepono.
"Hello, Sir?" the house help asked.
"M-my wife..." my voice broke, "i-is my wife in there?"
"Po? Si Ma'am Philie?" she asked, "sandali, Sir. Wala pa po sa kwarto ninyo."
"B-baka nasa trabaho pa," I muttered, "can you c-check the closet, please?"
I can hear her movement while on the phone while my eyes are tightly closed with the painful pounding heart.
This is a mistake. Baka nagkamli lang siya ng lagay.
"Sir..." when I heard the voice, that's when I realized I am stopping my breath. "H'wag po kayong mabibigla."
"W-what is it?" mas kumuyom ang kamay ko, "n-nand'yan pa ang gamit ng asawa ko, 'di ba? Baka nasa trabaho pa, ano?"
"Sir," she sighed, "wala po rito ang damit ni Ma'am. Wala na pong laman ang closet."
My knees wobbled, napaupo ako at nasapo ang noo.
"Stop lying, nand'yan ang asawa ko..."
"'Y-yong...'yong singsing po ni Ma'am nasa side table." She murmured, "b-baka po umalis si Ma'am? Iniwan na kayo, Sir?"
"No..." bulong ko at pumikit lalo, "she didn't leave, n-nasa opisina siya."
When I turned the call of, my hands are trembling while looking for Castiel's number.
"Angelo!" he called urgently.
"My wife..." I murmured, "m-my wife is there, right? P-patawag naman ako, Tiel." Tunog desperado na iyon. "P-pasabi naman kakausapin ko siya..."
"Angelo, man..." he sighed, "about that—"
"N-no," iling ko, "call my wife, okay? Tell her, I'm gonna talk to her."
"That's the thing, Angelo." Ang lungkot ay bakas sa boses niya kaya mas marahas akong umiling.
"Don't." I warned, "call my wife. Call my wife, nasa c-clinic niya 'yon. Hindi 'yon aalis, she vowed to me."
"The HR received—"
"S-she vowed she'll stay, Castiel!" I exclaimed loudly, not minding the stares people are giving me, "nand'yan ang asawa ko. Hindi niya ako iiwan! She promised me! She promised!"
"She resigned, Angelo." He sighed, "I'm sorry, man. She resigned."
"N-no..." iling ko at napasinghap, namamasa na ang pisngi, "no...you're lying. Philomena won't leave me. H-hindi ako iiwan ng asawa ko!"
"You should go home, Angelo." He sighed, "the girls didn't know about this too, they're here."
I dropped the call. Nanlalabo na ang mga mata'y tinawagan ko ang asawa.
"A-answer me, babe..." I whispered desperately, "answer me..."
And when she did, my tears are unstoppable. I was even amazed I managed to speak despite the nervousness and pain.
"P-please, Philie. P-please, don't do this to me." I begged desperately when she answered me. "P-please don't leave me."
"Angelo," malamig niyang tawag. "May problema ba? Kausapin mo na lang ang abogado—"
"S-saan ka?" my voice trembled, "p-pupuntahan kita, Philie. S-saan ka?"
Mas nanginig ang kamay ko pero pinipigil ko ang pagkawala ng hikbi.
"U-uuwi ako...uuwi ako sa atin." I said gently, "Philomena, uuwi n-na ako. Babe, please?"
When I heard her cries, it broke me more. I felt like my ice cold heart got broken into tiny pieces and I am catching my breath.
"N-naaalala na kita..." I cried while mumbling that. "H-hindi pa lahat pero m-malapit na. M-mag-uusap pa tayo, 'di ba? I-I'm still going home, babe. U-uuwi pa ako..."
"I'm sorry..." she said.
"D-don't do this," I whispered. "P-please, don't do this. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything."
Her muffled cries are loud in the speaker and like me, we were both breathless.
"W-why are you leaving?" I whispered, humihigpit ang hawak sa phone, "p-pupuntahan kita, parang-awa mo na, h'wag mo 'ko iwan..."
"T-this is what you want, r-right?"
"No!" I exclaimed, "n-no! Ayoko! H-hindi ako papayag. P-Philie, please...you promised me. You promised me you'll stay. Y-you vowed to n-never leave, b-bakit ka a-aalis?"
"Vows," she chuckled nonchalantly, her voice is breaking. "T-turns out those vows were mere empty words, A-Angelo. Those vows, no matter how much we tried saving will only end up being broken. I'm sorry, p-please, don't call me again." She whispered and turned the call off.
"N-no..." iling ko, "N-no, Philomena. No!" I exclaimed and tried calling her again but she wasn't answering kaya mabilis akong tumayo pero nasalubong ko si Dad na nagulat sa akin.
"Angelo?" he called, "why are you crying?"
"Dad," I haven't heard my voice being this desperate before, "u-uuwi ako, Dad. P-please, u-uuwi ako kay Philie. G-gusto ko na umuwi..."
"Angelo..." he sighed, "anong nangyari?"
"M-my wife..." iling ko, "m-my wife left me. D-dad, uuwi a-ako. U-uuwi ako kay, Philie, Dad. P-please? Please, let me go h-home to her."
When I got back, she wasn't there anymore.
I found myself sitting on the side of the room. The dim lights mirrored my home. Empty, alone. Dark.
"P-philie..." I whispered and kissed her ring, "saan ka na? N-nandito na ako, n-nakauwi na ako..."
My cries filled the room. Sapo-sapo ang dibdib sa bigat ng nararamdaman. Memories came rushing back and it was painful but nothing's much worse that the numbness inside my chest. Pakiramdam ko ay tinutusok iyon at hinahati. Parang may kulang, may nawala.
She's my home. This heart, this heart doesn't have a home without her in it.
Kaya siguro naging palaboy na ako.
"T-tatay, is my wife there?" I asked desperately for the nth time.
"Sinabi na ngang wala, eh!" he hissed, "umuwi ka na! Wala rito ang anak ko!"
"T-tatay, parang-awa mo na po..." bulong ko pa, "I'll just talk to my w-wife."
"Sabing wala siya rito, eh!" he hissed angrily, his eyes are sharp. "Umalis ka na! Wala rito ang anak ko!" taboy niya pero umiling lang ako.
"A-aantayin ko po," I murmured. Nang makita ko si Nanay na nakasilip at umiiyak ay napahakbang ako.
"N-Nanay, ang a-asawa ko po?"
She shook her head, bigla siyang tumalikod at umalis kaya nahulog na ang luha ko.
"T-tatay," I called, "si Philie po—"
"Tang ina, sabing wala nga rito, eh!" his voice roared, "umalis ka na! Wala siya rito! Ayaw ka niyang makita! 'Di na 'yon babalik!"
"A-aantayin ko po..." bulong ko at mas napatungo, "aantayin ko po."
He sighed, akmang sisigaw siya ay nawala iyon nang lumuhod ako sa tapat ng bahay nila.
"Anong ginagawa mo?!"
"A-aantayin ko po ang asawa ko. H-hayaan n'yo po akong antayin siya." Desperado ko nang sinabi at napatitig siya sa akin bago umiling at suminghap.
"Diyos ko, ang mga kabataan!" he exclaimed and went inside, "Rosita, palayasin mo ang batang 'yon at ipapahabol ko iyan sa kalabaw!"
Maya-maya pa'y lumabas na si Nanay, when she saw me—she's shocked. Napatakip pa siya sa bibig niya.
"A-Angelo..."
"N-nanay, m-mahal na mahal ko po si Philie. N-nanay, parang awa mo na po." I muttered desperately.
"Wala rito si Philie, Angelo." She sighed, "hindi ko alam kung anong mayroon pero umuwi ka muna, wala rito ang anak ko."
"I'll do anything, Nay." I begged, "h-hayaan n'yo lang po akong antayin ang asawa ko. Gagawin ko po ang lahat."
"Anong gagawin?!" Tatay screamed inside the house, "Rosita, pumasok ka! H'wag kang rurupok diyan sa lalaking iyan! Pumasok ka!"
"Ano ba!" Nanay hissed, "umayos ka nga!"
"Tay! Gagawin ko po lahat!" sigaw ko, "lahat po—"
"Ano? Anong magagawa mo, huh?! Eh, batang Maynila ka nga! Maniwala 'ko sa 'yo—"
"M-mag..." I looked around and saw a familiar animal, "m-magpapastol po ako ng kalabaw!"
Natahimik sa loob si Tatay kaya akala ko'y ayos na pero 'yon na lang ang pamimilog ng mata at paghulog ng panga ko sa nakita. Biglaan din ang pagtayo ko sa pagkakaluhod nang lumabas siya.
"Rosita! Pakawalan mo ang kalabaw at may ipapahabol akong animal!" halos lumabas na ang ngala-ngala niya sa sigaw, kasabay no'n ay ang pagkasa niya ng shotgun at titig ng masama sa akin.
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