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Kabanata 16

"You can't go out." Nakita ko ang gulat sa mga mata ni Angelo nang makita ako pagkatapos ng tawag niya.

His forehead creased, I immediately noticed the annoyed look written on his black eyes.

"What?"

"You can't go out in this time of the night, Angelo." Pilit kong tinatagan ang boses habang sinasabi iyon sa kanya, nahihilo man sa nainom ay alam kong hindi ko siya pwedeng paalisin ngayon.

"H'wag mo akong utusan," aniya, mabilis pang umiwas sa akin para maglakad pero sinundan ko siya ng lakad.

"Angelo..." I called, my voice sounding demanding. "Angelo!" lumakas na ang tawag ko nang hindi niya talaga ako pinakinggan.

"Shut up, I need to go." He said, I saw him trying to find his keys kaya dali-dali kong inabot ang braso niya.

"Tita Natalie would not allow this!" I exclaimed, "kadadating lang natin, Angelo! You should rest. Tita Nat said you shouldn't go out for now—"

"You are not my mother, Philomena!" his loud and full voice almost filled the house, natigilan ako sa pagkakabigla roon, biglang sumagi sa utak na ngayon lang niya ako napagtaasan ng ganyan.

"Angelo..." humugot ako ng hininga at sinubukan pa rin siyang kausapin.

His eyes are cold and obviously furious, I have never seen him this way before. He may be cold at times but he's certainly not like this.

"Dean Angelo..." I ran my fingers on my hair desperately, "you have to listen, okay?"

"I fucking don't know you, woman!" his voice roared, the rage getting more visible on his cold black eyes. "So, tell me, huh? Why are fucking meddling with my business?!"

"Angelo..." nangingilid na ang luha ko pero pilit ko pa rin siyang inaabot. "Let's not raise our voices, okay? Let's just...t-talk calmly."

"You're a fucking waste of time," he said, jolting out from my grip. Nagulat ako sa rahas ng pagkakahatak niya sa kamay at walang salitang tumalikod mula sa pwesto ko.

"Babe—"

"Don't..." he looked at me and almost lifted his finger to point me, kunot na kunot ang noo. "Don't fucking call me that."

"But...I'm your..."

"I'm going to meet my girlfriend," he said, frustrated na sinuklay ang buhok at naglakad kaya doon na ako naglakas ng loob.

"She is not your girlfriend anymore, Angelo!" I don't care if my voice sounded like it's desperate and frustrated. I saw how he froze on the spot but he didn't look my way kaya nagsalita na naman akong muli. "She's an ex! Matagal na kayong wala!"

That got his attention, his frowning face glanced at me. Nakaigting ang kanyang panga habang nakatingin sa akin, mas nagdidilim ang tingin at ang mukha.

"What?"

"Samantha's not your girlfriend," I almost tapped myself when I said that in full, tough voice. "She's your ex, Angelo."

He stared at me, I thought he believed what I am saying pero natigalgal lang ako nang tumaas ang sulok ng labi niya at mayamaya'y mahinang natawa.

"What another bullshit is that, woman?" I saw the mockery on his eyes, "Samantha's my girlfriend and I know it."

"You had an amnesia!" I explained, biting my inner cheek so I could refrain from being too emotional. "Y-you have an accident! Matagal na kayong wala ni Sam—"

"And what? Na ikaw na ang karelasyon ko?" he stifled a laugh, "don't tell me I married you? That's just real bullshit."

"I am your wife." I announced and I saw how the smirk on his tight and reddish lips faded.

"Liar..." umiling siya at natawang muli, mas kumunot na ang noo at napapikit pa ng bahagya. "I'd never marry you—"

"I said I am your fucking wife, Dean Angelo!" malakas kong sigaw.

I caught his eyes dilated, medyo lumalim ang paghinga niya at umiling muli sa akin.

"I don't believe you..." humina ang boses niya habang nakatitig sa akin kaya lumapit ako.

"W-we're together for m-more that three years, G-Gelo..." my voice trembled, I took a step closer and I saw how he took a step back away from me.

Doon na tuluyang nahulog ang luha ko.

"I-it's me, Philie..." I uttered and I noticed the mixture and confusion on his eyes, "'d-di mo ba ako maalala? K-kahit kaunti lang, Gelo?"

"No...it's not possible." He shook his head.

"G-Gelo—"

"Stop fucking talking! I don't want to hear your fucking lies!" he exclaimed, gulong-gulong tinalikuran ako at ramdam na ramdam ko ang pamamasa ng pisngi ko, hindi makagalaw habang naglalakad siya sa akin palayo.

Wala na akong lakas na sundan siya, ni paghakbang ay 'di ko magawa pero bigla siyang tumigil sa paglalakad. My mouth parted when I saw him touched his head and suddenly fell on the ground.

"Angelo!" I screamed and ran towards him while he's seated on the floor, pulling his hair. "Gelo...Gelo, oh my God..." I gasped.

He groaned, I saw him with his eyes tightly closed.

"G-Gelo..." I tried reaching him but he pushed my hand away.

"D-don't touch me..." mahinang boses niyang sabi, halatang-halata ang sakit at hirap mula roon.

"A-ambulance..." nanginginig man ang kamay ay mabilis akong tumayo mula sa tabi ng asawa ko, tinakbo ang gamit para kunin ang telepono at umiiyak pa akong tumawag sa emergency, lalo na no'ng nakita kong wala ng malay ang asawa ko na nakahiga na sa sahig.

I was hysterical and shaking while watching my husband on the stretcher as they rushed him to the emergency room, yakap-yakap naman ako ni Tita Nat para patahain ako pero hindi ko naman magawa.

"Philie-hija, he'll be fine..." her motherly voice soothed but I still can't stop from sobbing.

"K-kasalanan ko po, T-tita." My voice broke, "k-kung 'di lang ako nadala sa emosyon, edi s-sana hindi siya gano'n..."

"Shh...it's not your fault." She whispered and hugged me tighter.

I buried my face on her neck and she kept on whispering it's gonna be alright, narinig ko rin siyang tinawag si Tito Terrence at sina Amber at mayamaya'y inalalayan na nila akong paupo sa may waiting area sa tapat lang ng emergency room.

"What happened, Philie?" ani Tita na nagtanong na nang mahimasmasan ako.

"Ate, inom ka po muna." Maliit akong ngumiti kay Amber nang mag-abot siya sa akin ng kape na kaagad kong tinanggap.

"Salamat, Amber." I uttered my thanks before glancing at Tita Nat's gentle eyes. "Sorry po, Tita. I-I was kinda drunk..."

"It's okay, I know it's tough." She smiled at me, "and it's Mommy for you, anak. Hindi ka pa rin ba nasasanay?"

I smiled shyly, shaking my head. Inabot naman ni Tita ang buhok ko at marahang hinaplos bago akong tawagin muli.

"It's okay, Angelo's gonna be okay. What happened? Mabuti at nakatawag ka kaagad?"

"Opo," I nodded. "We just had an unexpected row, nagkataasan ng boses. Kikitain niya po sana si Sam but I said no, and he can't go out. Tapos po pagkatapos ng ilang sigawan, I couldn't stop myself from blurting out that Sam's his ex and I'm his wife."

Tahimik lang si Tita na nakikinig, I am expecting a violent reaction from her but I didn't.

"And his head ache and lost consciousness..." halos ibulong ko na iyon at mabilis na napatungo, "I-I'm so sorry, Tita, Amber. K-kasalanan ko po. I-if I'm only careful, k-kung 'di po ako nagpadala sa e-emosyon k-ko..."

"Shh...I understand, Philie." She gently hugged me again. "We understand, it's okay."

Halos takbuhin ko ang doktor na umasikaso sa asawa ko pagkalabas niya sa emergency room, nakita kong naroon na rin si Tito at si Blaze, nag-aantay sa sasabihin ng huli.

"Mr. Samaniego's stable..." what he said lifted a heavy thing off my chest.

"T-thank, God." Bulong ko at mariing humawak sa kamay para pisilin iyon at kalmahin ang sarili.

"Nabigla lang ang pasyente, he's suffering from amnesia due to head trauma, right?" nagmulat ako at nakita ang pagtango ni Tita. "He was just shocked, I'm suspecting he might have remembered something or forced himself to."

The guilt almost made me breathless, nangilid na naman ang luha ko habang pinapakinggan iyon.

"However, he's okay now. I suggest na iwasan na lang muna ang stress sa pasyente dahil baka himatayin siyang ulit, forcing information might shock him. We'll conduct thorough check-ups when he woke up. We'll be transferring him in the private room for now."

My heart fell when I saw how the nurses moved my husband in the private room, natatakot akong lumapit doon dahil naaalala ko ang mga nasabi ko kanina kaya nagkaganoon siya.

I shouldn't have done that. I should've controlled myself! Kung hindi sana ako nagpadala sa damdamin...sana...sana hindi nagkaganito ang asawa ko.

"You should go home and rest for now, hija." My teary eyes glanced at Tito Terrence when he spoke.

"Po?" lumunok ako, "pero si Gelo..."

"My son's gonna be fine," despite his cold eyes, I saw him smiled a little, genuinely. "He'll be okay, anak. Pahinga ka muna."

Hindi ako kaagad nakaimik doon, bumaling ako sa asawang nakahiga at wala pa ring malay.

"It's okay, it's not your fault." Tito said again kaya sumulyap ako sa kanya, "it's actually my fault..." narinig ko pa ang mahinang tawa niya.

"Karma 'yan ng Tatay niya," sabay kaming napabaling kay Tita Natalie na papalapit, inaayos ang buhok, may maliit na ngiti sa amin. "Gago kasi noon."

"Babe..." Tito Terrence called at natatawang umiling si Tita at hinawakan na ako.

"Come on, Philie. You should rest for now. Balik ka bukas kapag ayos na ang pakiramdam mo, kami na muna ang bahala kay Angelo. We would talk to him too, he's not supposed to actually go home to your house pero nagulat kami no'ng sinabing may bahay daw siyang pinagawa, gusto niya ro'n."

It made me stop, "h-he remembered it?"

"Hmm..." she smiled gently, "it was a sudden moment, nagulat kaming lahat at mukhang nagulat din siya kaya sinabi na naming may bahay nga at ayon, hinatid na lang namin. We told him you'll be his personal doctor while he's alone there."

Bumuntonghininga ako at ikinalma ang sarili.

"So, it's really possible he'll remember you soon." She smiled sweetly at me, "come on, pretty Philie, you should rest. You know your Angelo won't like it if you strain yourself, right?"

Sumulyap muli ako sa asawa ko at napangiti, tumatango.

"He won't like it if I tire myself, Tita." I said, remembering my sweet husband.

"You're right, Philie, but...it's Mom and Dad for us, okay? 'Di ka pa rin nasasanay?" she asked.

"Sorry po..." doon na ako mahinang natawa at kaagad silang niyakap.

I was lucky having them, masayang akong may karamay ako sa lungkot tungkol sa kalagayan ng asawa ko. Totoong nagkaroon ako ng dagdag sa pamilya nang dumating sa akin ang mga Samaniego.

"You okay? You should rest, kumain ka na ba?" Blaze asked while he's driving me home.

"Oo," tumango ako. "Kanina kasama sina Cai at Phoebe. Salamat, Blaze."

"Welcome, Philie. Sorry nga rin pala at hindi kita nasabihang sa bahay niyo tutuloy si Kuya, nawala sa utak ko, namangha rin kasi biglang sumagi sa utak niya na may pinagawa raw siyang bahay."

"Ayos lang, masaya rin akong naalala ni Angelo ang tungkol sa bahay namin. It's a progress, right? That he'll remember me soon?"

"I believe he might not remember you, his heart does. He was looking for you earlier, alam mo ba?"

Tila tumalon ang puso ko sa gulat sa sinabi niya, dali-dali ko siyang nilingon at nakita ang ngiti niya habang nagmamaneho.

"Really?!" halos mabuhay ang boses ko roon sa tuwa.

"When I got back after taking you to your friends," he chuckled. "Instead of saying hi to me, he asked where you are."

Pumilantik ang puso ko, nakagat ko ang labi at tumitig kay Blaze.

"A-and?"

"Sabi ko nakipag-date...." biglang siyang ngumisi at sumulyap sa akin.

"You what?!" napasinghap na ako at hinampas na ang balikat niya, "you told my husband that, Blaze?!"

Bumusangot na ako nang tumawa ang huli, naiiling pang inilalayo ang braso niya.

"I was just playing around Kuya! See if he'll get jealous or what!" he explained, still laughing like a fool kaya naiwan ang kamay ko sa ere at ngumuso.

"Nag-selos ba?" I asked in a small, curious voice and his laughter roared.

"Yiee, curious ang piglet ni taong yelo!" inabot pa niya ang ilong ko para kalabitin kaya mas sumimangot ako.

"Blaze!" I whined and smacked his hand, making him smirk.

"He really didn't have that much reaction at all," he shrugged at doon na bumagsak ang balikat ko. "But he threw the pillow on my face and he's grumpy the whole time." Kumindat siya.

It was a good sign I think, pagkauwi ko sa bahay ay nagbihis ako para magpahinga pero nakita kong umiilaw ang phone ko.

I sat and saw text messages and when I opened it, it was Samantha, asking me where my husband is.

I closed my eyes tightly, I was getting annoyed but I'm not like this so I calm myself down to relax before typing my reply.

To: Samantha

Angelo's resting. He can't see you tonight. Anyway, are you free one of these days? I wanted to talk to you about my husband.

I didn't get any replies after that but I think she got my point.

Hindi rin ako kaagad na nakatulog, I even cried while watching the videos we had in my phone. The photos when we're together.

It made me smile, somehow.

I know my husband will be back to me, I believe he will. We'd still fulfill our vows and dreams together. Ni hindi pa nga siya nakakaisa sa pangarap niyang basketball team.

Kinabukasan ay nakita ko ang sunod-sunod na message ng mga kaibigan, mukhang nabalitaan na ang nangyari at sakto ring sa ospital kung saan ako nagta-trabaho naka-confine si Angelo kaya makakasilip ako sa mga naiwan ko at naroon din ang mga kaibigan.

"Philie!" my smile widened when I saw my friends, halos takbuhin ko sila at mahigpit na niyakap.

"It's gonna be alright, hmm?" Cairis said sweetly, "my cousin's alright, nandoon na nga sa loob at gising na gising, nagsusungit na naman."

It made me smile, nang lumayo ako ay nakanguso sa akin si Phoebe na mukhang umiyak din ang mga mata kaya kumunot ang noo ko.

"Did you..."

"Hindi, ah!" ngumuso siya at umiling, "ano lang...hmm, I watched a tragic movie last night kaya iniiyakan ko."

I know she's lying but when I saw Cai's giving me a look ay nakuha ko kaagad kaya tumango na ako at ngumiti.

"Where are the boys?" I asked and smiled, excited to see my husband. Kanina ko pa nalamang gising na siya kaya nagmamadali pa akong nagtungo rito.

"Already inside," ani Cai na ngumiti, "and you'll see, may dala si Master Chance."

I was confused when they pulled me excitedly towards the room, pagkabukas pa lang nila ay kumalabog na ang puso ko nang makita kung paano mapabaling sa pwesto ko ang mga lalaki.

"Philie!" Castiel grinned when he saw me, miski si Chance ay kumaway pa habang pinapakialaman ang dextrose doon pero ang mga mata ko'y napako lang sa asawa kong nakatitig pala sa pwesto ko.

My heart pounded, hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal ang titigan na iyon at hindi pa ata mapuputol nang may naramdaman ako sa paa ko.

I gasped in shocked when I realized a handsome, small baby boy is hugging my one leg. Natulala pa ako sa gulat doon at narinig ko kaagad ang singhap kung saan, ang isang babaeng naka-dress ay mabilis kaming nilapitan.

"Cookie, don't do that, baby. Come here." She said, marahang kinukuha ang bata sa paahan ko na nakatitig sa akin ang asul na mga mata.

"Sorry, Miss. Makulit lang talaga itong anak ko—" when the lady raised her head while carrying the kid, we both froze. Umawang ng unti-unti ang labi ko at napasinghap din siya sa gulat.

"Dra. Philie, right?!" aniyang gulat na gulat kaya napatango ako at nang paulit-ulit.

"Oh my God...Daru? Correct?" namilog ang mata ko, "and this handsome one's...Cookie?" baling ko sa gwapong bata na ngumiti sa akin, dahilan para lumitaw ang maliit niyang dimple.

"You knew each other?" nawala ang atensyon ko sa mag-ina nang may magsalita at nakita kong papalapit si Chance sa amin, nagtataka ang mga mata.

"Yes," I answered. "Cookie became my patient one time—"

"Cookie?" aniya na bumaling sa bata na malaki pa ang ngiti sa akin at inaangat pa ang kamay niya kaya inabot ko iyon at marahang hinawakan. "Darshana, Cookie's sick?"

Darshana, the child's mother then answered him, which confused me.

"He's just sick, lagnat lang, Chance. He's okay now." She assured him and Chance nodded, kinuha niya si Cookie na ayaw bitawan ang kamay ko bago binuhat kaya mas naguluhan ako.

"Wait...I don't get it." I decided to speak up. "What's happening?"

Natahimik sila, I caught Cookie's eye watching me curiously kaya ngumiti ako ng malambing at kaagad siyang ngumiti sa akin pabalik, with matching dimples pa kaya gumaan lalo ang puso ko.

"Philie, I want you to meet my girlfriend, Darshana." Aniya at inilahad sa akin si Daru kaya namilog na ang mata ko, "and this is our son, Cookie."

Kung OA na ang paglaki ng mata ko ay mas nanlaki na ngayon.

"What?!" singhap ko. "O-oh my God! Ang bilis mo!" singhap ko at napuno ng tawa ang kwarto nang hampasin ko ang braso ni Chance na tatawa-tawa roon sa akin.

Magkahalong gulat at mangha ang naramdaman ko sa nalaman.

What a coincidence, right? Who would've thought na sila pala? And they have a kid now! Just wow!

Nalibang ako sa pagbubuhat kay Cookie, I can't explain why but I always have a thing with kids. They made me feel happy and alive, that's why I became a pediatrician.

"Who's your pretty Tita?" I whispered to him.

"Tita Philie...pretty!" he cheered at napatawa ako ng mahina nang malakas ang pagkakasabi niya no'n.

"Oh, ayan na naman si Miss Persistent, nang-uuto ng mga bata." Ani Castiel na nakasandal sa may pader doon kaya natawa ako.

"Well, kids never lie?" I smirked, "Reyna ata ito ng—"

"Dinibdibang Lupa ng San Isidro..." Itinuloy nila ang sasabihin ko, nakasimangot na kaya mas natawa ako.

I felt someone staring at me, biglang kumalabog ang puso ko nang matanto kung sino iyon kaya unti-unti akong bumaling doon.

On the bed, I saw Angelo's cold and empty black eyes glancing at me. Nakasandal siya at tahimik na nakatingin at kaagad akong kinabahan, hindi na naman alam ang gagawin ngayong nandito na kami at nasabi ko ang mga bagay na 'yon sa kanya kagabi.

"Baby, doon ka muna kay Mama." I whispered to the kid before giving him back to his mother.

Mabagal at kinakabahan pa, naglakad ako patungo sa asawa ko. Tahimik ang buong kwarto habang naglalakad ako kaya mas kinabahan ako.

Nakita ko ang pagkunot ng noo niya at pagbaba ng tingin kaya dumiretso ako sa may dextrose niya para silipin 'yon.

"I checked it earlier, Philie. He's fine, uma-attitude na nga." Natatawang sabi ni Tiel kaya ngumiti ako at tumango.

"Salamat, Tiel." I uttered and glanced at my husband who's silent and unmoving and I remained standing beside him, hindi alam kung anong gagawin.

"Ah, parang nagugutom ako, ah?" biglang nagsalita si Phoebe na tumayo pa sa sofa. "Tara, kain muna tayo sa cafeteria!"

I was confused at first kaya binalingan ko sila, "let's go and grab something." Ani Castiel, "Angelo, Philie, balik kami mayamaya, ah? Nakakagutom kasi."

I saw Chance took his family with him, sabay-sabay naman silang lumabas lahat at nang maiwan kami ay halos sumabog na ang puso ko sa kabang hindi maipaliwanag.

"G-Gelo—"

"Show me a proof you're my wife." His cold voice said at parang sinilihan ako nang ang mga mata niya'y nakatingin na sa akin. "I want to know the truth."

I licked my lower lip, saglit kong pinisil ang daliri ko bago marahang tumango at sumulyap sa tabi niya.

"Can I sit beside you?" I asked. He didn't answer me but I sat anyway.

"Well..." bumuntonghininga ako at sinalubong ang tingin niya, "first of all, I wanted to apologize about last night. Nadala ako sa damdamin, I shouldn't have told you that—"

"I am asking for proofs, Miss Suarez. Not your petty chitchats." Mariing sabi niya.

I'm...I'm Mrs. Samaniego.

Sumikip ang dibdib ko pero tumango ako at unti-unting kinuha ang phone ko sa maliit na bag sa balikat bago kalikutin.

He was just watching me while I do my thing, nang makita ko ang album ng mga pictures namin ay humigpit ang hawak ko sa phone at sumulyap sa kanya.

"Are you sure? You shouldn't force yourself—"

"I don't care. Show me your fucking proof. I won't believe you if not." Mariing sabi niya kaya unti-unting inabot ko sa kanya ang phone.

I immediately noticed the shock etching on his face when he saw the first photo. It was a selfie of us, where he's playful in the flight, kissing my cheek unstoppable while clinging on me like a kid.

I couldn't sense any recognition on his eyes, making it harder for me kaya unti-unti'y umalis ako sa tabi niya at bumaling sa mga pagkain na ibinigay sa kanya ng mga kaibigan.

"Kumain ka na?" I asked but he looked super engrossed kaya hindi na ako muling nagsalita.

Saglit akong lumabas ng kwarto para kausapin ang doktor na tumingin sa asawa ko at kaagad akong napangiti nang makilala iyon.

"Hello, Tito Greg." I smiled when I realized it was Chance's father, a neurosurgeon.

"Hi, Philomena. How are you? Nakausap mo na ba ang asawa mo?" he asked.

"Opo," I nodded, "how is he, Doc? Is he doing fine now?"

"Yes, we conducted tests earlier when he woke up." Aniya, "nakausap ko ang doktor na tumingin sa kanya kagabi kaya kaagad naming inasikaso ang lab results and he's fine. He's just stressed, he might've forced himself to remember, causing that."

"It's my fault," I sighed. "I'm a doctor myself, I should've known what will happen and yet..."

"It's a sudden emotional outburst, Philie. It's understandable. You're his wife and I know it's frustrating knowing he can't remember you."

"Thank you po," I sighed. "But...he'll be okay, right? Is there a chance he'll remember m-me?"

"I'm not closing any chances, Philie. He'll remember it soon, I believe. Mahal na mahal ka niyang si Angelo kaya naniniwala ako ro'n. Just don't force him or do things that might trigger his memories, okay? Mahirap na, we have to look out for his health. Gusto na ata niyang bumalik sa trabaho."

What he said somehow made me feel at ease. Pagkabalik ko sa kwarto ay nakasandal na si Angelo sa kama niya, ang phone ko'y nasa gilid na kaya marahan akong naglakad doon para abutin iyon.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly, sitting beside him on the bed. "You shouldn't force yourself, baka sumakit ang ulo mo, Gelo."

"Where did we met?" he asked with his eyes closed kaya kaagad na sumagi sa ala-ala ko ang noon.

"In a convention abroad pero nagkita na tayo sa airport bago pa man 'yon. We're seatmates, you know?" I smiled, "and maybe I was too loud and—"

"I liked you that instant?" he opened his eyes and my knees almost wobbled upon seeing it.

"I don't know? I guess?" I chuckled, "hindi naman ako ikaw, Gelo. Malay ko ba kung nagustuhan mo ako kaagad?"

"Why did I marry you?" parang wala lang na tanong niya kaya nakagat ko ang labi ko at bumaba ang tingin sa mga singsing na nasa daliri ko.

"I...I guess because you're in l-love with me?" halos pabulong ko pang sagot, unti-unting sumulyap sa mga mata niya pero wala naman akong reaksyon na natanggap mula roon.

Napatitig ako sa kanya at nakita ko ang pagtiim ng bagang niya bago umiwas ng tingin sa akin at sumandal sa higaan pabalik.

"Where's Samantha?"

I almost fell on the bed when I heard that name, hindi ako kaagad nakasagot at pinagmasdan lang siya.

"Call Sam, tell her I wanted to see her." Aniya na hindi pa rin nakatingin. "Gusto ko siyang makausap."

I could say no. Hell, I could say fucking no! Pero hindi ko ginawa, iniisip na baka kailangan iyon ng asawa ko kaya pikit-mata ang ginawa kong pagtawag sa huli.

We were silent while waiting for her, malakas ang kalabog ng puso ko roon habang nag-aantay sa kanyang magsalita pero ni isang beses ay hindi man lang siya nagtangka.

I was about to go out and check if my friends are there, napasinghap ako sa gulat nang makita ko si Samantha na halos takbuhin na ang kwarto ni Angelo, mabilis lang akong nilagpasan at pumasok sa loob.

I watched her ran towards my husband, sniffing before hugging him at parang may humiwa sa puso ko nang makita ko kung paano—unti-unti'y umangat din ang kamay ni Gelo para yakapin siya.

Tang ina...

I don't usually curse but this pain...this is too much.

Nilibang ko ang sarili ko at nagpunta sa pedia ward para makita ang mga bata at mga kasama. The kids are happy to see me, they were even asking where their Papa Dean is pero sinabi ko'y may sakit si Angelo at kailangan ng pahinga pero magiging okay din.

"Hatid na kita, Dra." Doc Jonathan smiled upon offering.

"Hindi, okay lang." Ngiti ko at sumulyap sa hawak, "hahatid ko lang naman lunch ng asawa ko."

"I insist," he took the tray from me. "I'd never let a beautiful lady carry these, it's heavy. Let me accompany you, Dra."

"Salamat," I smiled and walked with him.

Masaya kausap si Doc habang naglalakad kami patungo sa kwarto ni Gelo para dalhan na sana siya ng pagkain pero hindi pa man kami nakakalapit ay nakita ko ang paglabas nila ni Sam doon.

I saw how Sam assisted my husband upon walking, they were even talking and I caught him smiled when she said something funny.

I cleared my throat, nakita ko kung paano sila natigil sa paglalakad at nagulat nang makita kami.

"Philie," Sam called.

I took a glance at Angelo and saw his cold eyes fixed on Doc Jonathan who looked clueless beside me.

"Doc Samaniego," Dr. Jon then greeted him.

I saw Angelo's empty stare, ni hindi umimik at malamig na tumingin sa akin kaya tumikhim ako.

"This is Doc—"

"Jonathan from Pedia department." He then said and smiled, "I'm pretty Philie's colleague."

Angelo's jaw clenched, napalunok naman ako nang ni ngiti ay hindi niya ibinigay kay Jonathan na awkward ding nakangiti kaya nagsalita na ako.

"Saan kayo?" I asked, glancing at Samantha who looked startled upon hearing it.

"Ah, just outside, Philie." Aniya, "Dean needed some fresh air kaya doon sana kami kakain." Nakita ko ang pagsulyap niya sa pagkain na hawak ni Jonathan, "...but I guess you brought him foods?"

"Let's go out, Sam." Napatingin kami kay Angelo nang magsalita na ang huli, kunot ang noo. "I want to eat outside." Aniya at hindi tumitinging nilagpasan kami.

I saw the confused Samantha, sumulyap siya sa akin at kay Gelo pero mayamaya'y humabol na.

"Wait for me, Dean!" she called and reached for his arms and held on it.

Laking pasalamat ko nang hindi nagtanong si Jonathan, inihatid pa niya ako kina Phoebe na iniiyakan ko habang kumakain.

"You should talk to Sam, kung hindi pa, ako na ang mangunguna kahit hindi ako ang asawa, Philomena Dianne." Iritadong sabi ni Phoebe kaya noong araw din na 'yon ay nagdesisyon na akong kausapin siya.

When night came, bumalik ako sa kwarto ng asawa ko at nakita kong natutulog na siya. Sam just finished tucking him to bed at napatayo pa nang makita ako.

"Philie..."

"I assume you're free now, Samantha." Malamig na sabi ko, "seeing that you're here the whole day to take care of my husband." I emphasized the last word.

"I was just worried of him, Philie." Sumeryoso ang boses niya, "I've texted you last night but you didn't even tell me about his condition."

"Let's talk," I said and didn't answer her, tinalikuran siya bago nagtungo sa may terrace ng kwarto ng asawa ko.

Luckily, she followed me. Naririnig ko ang buntonghininga niya roon kaya mula sa madilim na langit ay sumulyap na ako sa kanya.

"I wanted to thank you for taking care of Angelo, Sam." Pormal kong sabi.

"I'm just doing what I have to do, Dean is special to me so I wanted to be there for him—"

"Thank you for the concern but I think you should stop coming by now." I said and I saw how she looked stunned, nagsalubong ang kilay niya at sinulyapan ako.

"What? You're asking me to leave my boyfriend?"

I stifled a mocking laugh, binasa ko ang labi ko at sinuklay ang buhok ko.

"What? Boyfriend?" I chuckled, "nakakalimutan mo ata na ex ka na, Samantha."

I think I pushed a button, nakita ko ang iritadong mga mata niya roon.

"Dean loves me—"

"He married me," I said hardly and pointed myself. "We were together for years, Samantha. He married me. I am the wife, in case you suddenly got an amnesia too."

Bumiling ang paghinga niya, she looked classy yet the attitude she next showed me told me she really isn't.

"He remembers me, Philomena." She emphasized. "Me! As his girlfriend! He's looking for me! Ako ang mahal niya at hindi ikaw! Can't you see?!"

"I don't," umiling ako, "ako ang pinangakuan sa altar, Sam. Bakit ko makikitang ikaw ang mahal niya? Sa 'yo ba nangako? Ikaw ba ang dinala sa simbahan?"

Rage filled the hollow of her eyes, she squinted her eyes closed, brushing her hair frustratedly as she shook his head and then suddenly chuckled.

"You know what? Pagod na akong makipag-plastikan sa 'yo, Philomena." She said bluntly this time. "Sige, sabihin na nating ikaw ang pinakasalan but don't you know he only chose you because he can't be with me?"

"Oh, really?" humawak ako sa barricade at hindi siya sinulyapan, "we were together for years and he got all the time in the world to break up with me and chase you when you came back pero bakit hindi? Bakit nanatili sa akin? Bakit hiningi ang kamay ko sa kasal?"

"Because he can't get me, Philomena." She announced. "Ako ang mahal ni Dean, I chose to let him go to be with you because I thought he's in love with you but now? Seeing him looking and choosing me? Ramdam kong mahal niya ako, Philie! Na ako lang! Na ako pa rin!"

"My husband has an amnesia," I said and looked at her. "What he remembers is the part of his past and you're in it, Sam. You're just in the past."

She chuckled, nakita ko ang pagkuyom ng kamay niya at tumitig sa akin.

"He remembers me, I might be that special with him, huh? He must've been in love with me...so much he can't forget about our memories together." What she said stopped me, "ako naaalala, eh, ikaw? No? Oh, maybe because his memories of you are not that important? Baka 'di ka importante?"

"Are you really a woman, Sam?" I asked and I saw her confused look. "You're actually having a row with me for Angelo? Babae ka, 'di ba? Then, why are you fighting about my husband with the wife? Don't tell me you're planning to be a mistress? You'll stoop that low?"

"You bitch..." she gritted her teeth, "you are nothing like me, Philomena! Hindi porket ikaw ang pinakasalan ay mahal ka na—"

"At least pinakasalan," I shrugged.

"Tiniis ka lang niya!" she almost raised her voice at me and good thing, a door is separating us from Gelo's room.

"Wow, he must've been really patient para tiisin ako ng sobrang tatlong taon?" I asked, "grabeng pagtitiis naman 'yon kung pinakasalan pa ako?"

"He told me he loves me, Philie." She said in finality. "He misses me, he wanted to see me. He's whipped and in love with me."

Hindi ako kaagad nakapagsalita roon, hindi maintindihan kung bakit siya nakikipagsagutan sa akin ng ganito para sa asawa ko. Ko. Akin.

"Guess what he told me?" she has this sly smile on her face, "he told me he sees no future with you, he told me you're an annoying, loud woman. He said he can't see the reason why the hell he married someone like...you."

She's lying...of course, Angelo would never say that...right?

"Cat got your tongue?" she brushed her long hair, "akin si Angelo, Philomena. I was a mess when we separated, I'd never love again if it isn't him so like I told you before...I'll get him whatever it takes, if I got the chance and this is it. He's in love with me and I am sure of that and don't worry, he'll divorce you soon to be with me."

"Really?" kahit masakit man ay nakuha ko pang matawa sa sinasabi niya, "I heard you became matured? Really? Ayan na 'yon? Todo na 'yan?"

Her lips pursed, umawang ang labi niya sa narinig.

"I guess not, or if you do—which I couldn't even see right now—be a woman enough and not wish to be a mistress, you're not that low, aren't you?"

"Y-you...he'll break up with you! I swear!" she hissed.

"Edi antayin mo muna kaming maghiwalay bago ka kumalantari sa may asawa, Sam." I raised my brow. "Wait for him to be single. That's if my husband would let me go...I'd never let him go either so, ewan ko kung para saan 'yang pinaglalaban mo."

"You're a bitch," she scoffed. "Akala mo ang bait-bait pero nasa loob pala ang kulo. I don't get why he even chose to marry you."

"Me either, I don't get why my husband has an ex like you." I smiled coldly and she cursed under her breath and turned her back on me, nagdadabog paalis.

I believed I was strong, I tried to be one in front of her pero nang marinig ko ang pagsarado ng pinto ay 'yon na lang ang pagsapo ko sa dibdib para makahinga ng maayos.

"Y-you did well, Philie..." I tapped myself.

I went inside after a few moments, naglakad ako sa asawa kong nakahiga at tulog bago inayos ang kanyang kumot at marahang sinuklay ang buhok niya.

"I love you, Gelo." I whispered and kissed his forehead, akala'y tulog na siya pero paglayo ko ay nakita ko ang malamig niyang mga matang nakatingin sa akin.

"Gelo..."

"What did you tell Sam? Why did she left crying?" his cold, serious voice asked kaya napasinghap na ako.

"I-it's nothing..." umiling ako, "it's nothing important..."

Ngunit hindi siya naniwala, umigting pa ang panga niya bago umiling, tila hindi nagugustuhan ang naririnig.

"Bullshit," he whispered. "Fix yourself and don't ever make her cry, I don't get why I even married you..."

Nangilid ang luha ko, lalo na nang tumagilid siya sa akin, tumatalikod sa pwesto ko.

"G-Gelo..."

"Leave me alone and lock the door." He said nonchalantly and I found myself crying silently...again.

It went on for days and weeks, kinabukasan noong gabing 'yon ay umuwi na rin kami pero hindi nakakapag-usap. I tried reaching for him but he's drifting away from me, he came back to work, familiarizing himself again with the setting at nakaalalay lang ako sa kanya kahit hindi naman niya ako binibigyan ng pansin.

I felt like my husband left me and he's another person right now. Gone is my cold and only sweet at me Angelo. Gone is my husband.

It was like we were in reset, back to zero that it even turned to much worst this time.

Hindi kami nagkakakitaan sa bahay, madalas ay nasa kwarto lang niya siya, nagta-trabaho sa kanyang opisina roon o kaya'y duty sa ospital. Lumalapit ako pero mukhang nagagalit siya.

My friends, even Dr. Jon was there to talk to me whenever they see me alone and lonely kaya naiibsan ang nararamdaman kong hapdi sa loob-loob. I wanted to take my husband back no matter what it takes pero mahirap din...nahihirapan na rin ako.

"Thanks for helping me out sa presentation ko sa board bukas, Philie." Jonathan thanked me when we reached my house nang inihatid niya ako.

Ngumiti ako.

"No worries, para sa pedia ward naman and as the head of our department, it was such an honor to help." I said softly, "I'm rooting for you, okay? If you need something, just give me a heads-up, para naman sa mga bata ito."

He smiled and nodded, umalis siya sa sasakyan at napatawa ako nang takbuhin pa niya ang pwesto ko para pagbukasan ako.

"Nag-abala ka pa." I chuckled, "salamat, Doc."

"No worries." He ruffled my hair, "atsaka Jon na lang nga kasi, 'di ba? Parang others naman 'to, magkaibigan na tayo kaya 'di na kailangang may formality kapag nasa labas."

"Alright, Jon?" I teased at napatawa kami roon. "Anyway, salamat sa paghatid. I gotta come inside, medyo gabi na kasi."

"Alright, good night." He said and watched me enter the house before waving goodbye.

I was feeling lighter when I went inside, masaya sa naiisip na bagong facility na gusto naming ipa-approve sa board para sa pedia ward, papaakyat na sana ako sa kwarto nang may marinig na boses.

"How's your date, huh?" nanigas ako nang marinig iyon, unti-unti akong napalingon sa may kusina at nagulat nang makita si Angelo na nasa may counter, sa harapan ay may bote ng alak at isang baso.

"Gelo?" I called in shock, iniisip na may duty siya ngayon buong gabi pero nandito siya.

I walked closer and I saw his annoyed eyes as he sipped on his glass, "dinner with him, huh? What's next? You fooled around with him?"

"Lasing ka na." I pointed out when I saw the almost empty bottle of rum, namumula na rin ang mukha niya at ang mata'y namumungay at mukhang antok.

"May...may asawa kang naghihintay dito tapos...tapos kakain ka kasama 'yong gagong 'yon?" he asked, his voice's kinda slurred.

"Angelo..." I sighed, ngayon lang siya nakausap ng ganito dahil madalas siyang tahimik at iritado.

Ngayon na nga lang nakakausap, lasing pa.

"Nanlalaki ka na?" he chuckled lowly, "Sam's right—"

"Hindi ako nanlalaki, okay?" I sighed, "may inayos lang kami ni Jonathan para sa board presentation niya bukas para sa pedia—"

"I...I don't get why I married you." He spatted and I am lying if I tell myself it ain't hurts.

"Gelo..." sinubukan kong kunin ang alak niya pero inilayo niya sa akin ang bote.

"Don't touch me!" he scoffed, his jaw clenching. "Leave, I don't want to fucking see you."

"Angelo...please? You're drunk—"

"I said go away!" he hissed, bakas ang galit sa mga mata at gusto ko man makipag-away ay nanahimik na lang ako at tumungo saglit, sumisinghap.

"Okay..." I sighed, "I'm tired. Suite yourself and clean that. I'm resting. Bukas na tayo mag-usap."

Hindi ko na siya nilingon, bagsak ang balikat ko habang papaakyat sa kwarto. Walang gana akong naglinis ng katawan, pagkahigang-pagkahiga pa lang ay bumagsak na ang luhang pinipigilan.

Nahihirapan na ako pero asawa ko 'yan, eh. Si Angelo ko 'yan. Hindi ko bibitawan 'yan kahit sobrang hirap na, kahit...kahit nakakapagod din.

Nakatulugan ko na ang pag-iyak at nagising lang no'ng may naramdaman akong lumubog sa tabi may tabi ng higaan ko.

"Philomena..." I heard a voice and I turned around, shock upon seeing who is it.

"Angelo?" I called, my drunk husband was beside me and he's brushing his hair lazily, glancing my way.

"You're drunk," I said, "why are you here?"

"Here...sign these." Aniya, may inabot sa aking envelope kaya nagtaka ako at kahit antok ay mabilis akong umupo sa kama at binuksan iyon at tila natulos lang sa kinauupuan nang makita ng malinaw ang laman nito.

"A-Angelo, what's this?" my voice trembled, couldn't believe what I am seeing right now.

"Sign it," he said in a low, nonchalant voice. "I want a divorce."