Chapter - 40
18+ PLEASE.
Also, forgive me that I attempted writing a bit of Smut again even when it's clear that I clearly suck at it.
Shivanya -
It took me almost five days and a lot of help and planning from Yash, Radhika and Taran to confess my love to Vihaan and right now, right here, looking at the way he was smiling at me, with that look in his eyes that always makes me feel like a million butterflies are fluttering in my stomach, is all worth it.
My husband is all worth it and more, and more.
We were done having our dinner and he had once again picked me up in his arms and carried me to our bedroom. My arms slipped around his neck almost instinctively, my fingers pressing lightly against his shoulder as I rested my head against him, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my ear.
When he pushed the bedroom door open and stepped inside, he didn't put me down immediately. He walked in, closed the door behind him with an elbow and for a few seconds longer than necessary, he just stood there, holding me like there was nowhere else he needed to be.
Then he lowered me onto the bed but his hands still stayed at my waist. I looked up at him, my heart still not quite steady and found his gaze already on me and my fingers, still resting against his shoulder.
I blinked, my gaze flickering away from his for the briefest moment before coming back, but that one second was enough for doubt to slip in.
My fingers loosened just slightly against his shirt, not pulling away completely but not holding on as tightly either. I became aware of everything at once. the way I was half lying on the bed, the way the saree fell around me, the way his hands were at my waist, the space he took up so easily while I felt too much, too aware and too visible.
My breath shifted, uneven now, and I tried to steady it before it became noticeable, but with him, it always was.
His hand stilled.
"Shivanya." My name left his lips because he read my hesitation.
Of course he did.
I shook my head quickly, like I could dismiss it before it showed too much.
"It's nothing." I said, but my voice didn't sound like mine.
"I know that it is not nothing, Sunshine. Now out with it." his voice was down a tone.
I swallowed, my fingers curling weakly against his shirt, my gaze dropping for a second before I forced it back to him.
"I am not exactly a salad girl, I am more of a pizza girl Vihaan and I am not pretty and thin like those girls you....." I started to say but couldn't finish my sentence, my eyes pulling away from him again.
His hand tightened slightly at my waist as I tried to speak before he shifted his weight, one knee coming onto the bed, the mattress dipping softly under him. I barely had time to register it before he moved behind me, his presence shifting from in front of me to around me.
My breath caught softly as his other hand came up slowly, brushing my hair over one shoulder, his fingers careful, unhurried, like he was giving himself time instead of rushing past what I had just said. The side of my neck felt suddenly too exposed, too aware and yet I didn't move away.
I couldn't.
"Pizza girl? Sunshine, never let me hear you say that again. You are no one's girl but mine and mine alone." his words nuzzled into my hair.
"Vihaan! I am serious!" I couldn't help but laugh because he got jealous of pizza.
His arm tightened around me in response, not enough to stop me, just enough to remind me exactly where I was, exactly who I was with.
"So am I, Shivanya." he repeated, his voice quieter now, closer, the words brushing against my skin rather than just reaching my ears.
"I didn't mean it like that." I said, still smiling faintly, but my voice softened again, slipping back into something more honest. "I just... you know what I mean."
His hand at my waist moved slightly like it had found its place and had no intention of leaving.
"I know exactly what you mean." he said.
That made me still as his fingers brushed lightly along my side again, leaving a shiver down my spine.
"So you know that I am not exactly pretty and thin, I most definitely don't fit in usual standards and I....." this time, he cut me off.
"Good." was his only response and I went still once again.
"What?" I turned my head slightly, confused, my brows pulling together.
"Good." he repeated, this time slower, like I was the one not keeping up and there was no hesitation in his voice.
I frowned slightly, turning more toward him, confusion settling in properly now. "How is that good, Vihaan?"
"I know that you do not fit the usual standards, Shivanya. I have known that ever since I saw you for the first time. But what I need you to understand is that perfection is not usual and there are no standards to it. So how do you think you would fit into something that does not exist? You are perfect Shivanya. You are perfection in every sense to me." he said again, and this time he didn't stop there, his voice steady, certain, leaving no space for me to interrupt him halfway and I caught my breath the moment he uttered those words.
Not because of the words alone but also because of the way he said them. There was no hesitation in him, no second thought and no space where doubt could even exist.
My fingers tightened slightly over his arm again.
"But I....." I tried to say, softer now, but the words didn't come out the same way anymore.
He didn't let me finish.
"You're still doing it." he said, not sharply but clearly enough that I stopped anyway.
"I just told you there are no standards to perfection and you are still trying to measure yourself against something that does not even exist." he continued, his voice steady, grounded, like he wasn't going to let me move past it without understanding it properly. "You think that you are not pretty? Shivanya you are the most beautiful woman I have ever known and will ever know. You have no idea just how much I am obsessed with you, damn it."
I had no idea what to say to him but he rested his chin on my shoulder, sighing before speaking again.
"I know that you don't believe me yet but give me a chance Shivanya. Just let me hold you in my arms tonight as we sleep. Let me hold you long enough till you find out that I truly mean each and every word I have told you." his voice rang in my ears, almost begging, making me feel so bad.
Me and my insecurities.
His chin was still resting on my shoulder, his arm still around me, steady, familiar, like he had meant every word he had just said and was willing to sit there until I understood it And then he exhaled.
His arm slipped away from my waist slowly and the loss of it made me more aware than I expected, my fingers instinctively tightening for a second before loosening as he moved.
The bed shifted as he got up.
I turned slightly, my brows pulling together, watching him as he moved away from behind me but he did not go away far. He came around and sat down in front of me, close enough that my knees almost brushed his, his gaze already fixed on me but softening.
Before I could say anything, his hands came up and they were on my face, gently and his fingers rested along my jaw, his thumbs brushing lightly against my cheeks, somehow pulling me towards him and my hands moved up to hold his wrists.
"Shivanya, I have no idea how I got you in the first place but I am not a fool either to question it. Do you know the kind of courage it took for me to even speak to you for the first time despite knowing for the past almost four years that I have fallen for you?" he said, chuckling and making me laugh with him again.
"That part I would never understand Vihaan. You did not even look at me properly while the panel was interviewing me for the job. Later when I found out that everyone was grilled personally by you while you did not even ask me one single question, I found it really weird." I said, almost rolling my eyes.
He huffed out a quiet breath at that, his thumb pausing against my cheek before moving again. "I was trying not to look at you for a reason, Sunshine." he admitted, like it was obvious.
That made my smile grow a little.
"Why?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
"Because I knew if I did, I will not be able to stop myself." he replied simply.
This time, I could not fight the blush off my cheeks.
I tried to look away, but his hands were still on my face, his thumbs brushing lightly against my skin as if he was deliberately keeping me right there, not letting me hide from him.
"There it is," he murmured, his voice lower now, closer, like he had found exactly what he was looking for. "My favourite red."
And then, he leaned in and pressed his lips against my cheek.
Before I could respond, he leaned in again, slower this time to give me enough time to register it, enough time to move away if I wanted to.
I didn't.
His lips brushed my other cheek this time and then leaned back just enough to look at me again, his hands still holding my face, his gaze moving slowly across it like he was taking his time.
"I forbid you to even think that you are not beautiful, Shivanya." he said, his voice low, leaving no space for me to brush it off. "Not when you look like this just because I kissed you."
My breath caught again, softer this time, my fingers tightening slightly around his wrists as I held onto him.
He leaned closer once again, close enough that I could feel his breath against my skin before his lips brushed just along my jaw this time so slowly that it felt like he was making sure I felt it properly.
My eyes slipped shut for a second, my head tilting slightly without thinking towards him.
His hand shifted from my cheek, one of them sliding down slowly, tracing along my jaw before settling at the side of my neck, his thumb resting just below my ear, grounding, steady, while the other hand stayed where it was, holding my face.
"You still think I don't know what I'm looking at?" he murmured, his voice closer now, almost against my skin.
I didn't answer.
I couldn't. Because the way he was touching me, the way he was looking at me, it didn't leave space for doubt the way my thoughts usually did.
His lips moved again, brushing lightly along the same place, slower this time, lingering just enough to make my breath shift again.
"Open your eyes and look at me, Shivanya. Do I look like I want to be looking somewhere else, anywhere else for the rest of my life?" he continued.
My fingers curled more firmly around his wrists, my body leaning slightly forward without me realising it, closing whatever little distance was left between us.
But his words forced my eyes open as I looked into his.
I leaned forward the rest of the way without thinking, closing the last bit of space between us, my hand sliding from his wrist up to his arm to hold onto him properly and without an ounce of hesitation.
"You don't." I whispered, my voice softer than before but steadier, because now I could see it for myself. "You don't look like you want to look anywhere else."
"I don't." he declared like it wasn't even something he needed to think about. "And I never will."
His hand at my neck held me there with enough certainty that I felt it in the way my breath slowed, in the way my body stopped holding itself back.
And this time, his lips pressed against mine and my fingers tightened into his shirt immediately, pulling him closer without thinking, and he responded just as quickly, his hand at my neck firming slightly, keeping me right where I was as the kiss deepened.
His other hand slid back to my waist, and this time it didn't just rest there. It held me, drew me in properly, closing whatever space was left between us until there was none at all and it made me lean closer and my hand moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck, holding him there the same way.
His lips moved against mine with more certainty now, more insistence, and I felt my breath catch. His hand at my neck shifted slightly, his fingers sliding just enough to keep me anchored to him, while his other hand held me closer.
The kiss slowed on its own, not breaking abruptly but easing and my grip on him loosened slightly while his hold at my waist stayed for a second longer before easing as well.
His lips brushed mine one last time and when I finally pulled back enough to look at him, my breath still uneven, my fingers still resting at the back of his neck, I didn't move away because he was already looking at me.
There was a faint curve at the corner of his lips, barely there but unmistakable, and his gaze held mine with that familiar, dangerous calm that always meant he was thinking something he hadn't said yet.
A quiet, mischievous glint flickered in his eyes, subtle but very much there.
Like he knew exactly what he had just done and exactly what he was about to do next.
He stood up and then extended his arm towards me, for me to take it, which I did as he walked us in front of the mirror.
"There, look at yourself and tell me why should I not consider myself the luckiest man alive. This is how you look after we kiss and it makes me wonder how you will look when I make love to you or when I fuck you, Sunshine." his words made me gasp, almost so loudly and as his words settled in, my cheeks must have been as red as an overripe tomato for sure!
"Vihaan!" I squeaked, blinking hard and looking away from him through the mirror, my entire face burning under his gaze.
That only made it worse because he laughed.
His hand at my waist tightened again, pulling me back against him without asking, my back fitting against his chest as if that was where I was meant to be all along. I felt his other hand slide slowly from my arm down to my waist again, his fingers pressing just enough to make my breath hitch once more.
"Why are you looking away now?" he murmured near my ear, his voice quieter but heavier, like he knew exactly what he was doing to me.
"I'm not......" I started, but the words didn't come out properly because his thumb moved again, slow, deliberate, tracing along my waist in a way that made it impossible to focus on anything else.
"You are." he said simply, his tone calm but certain, his chin almost brushing my shoulder again as he leaned in closer. "You were looking just fine a second ago."
My fingers tightened around his arm behind me, holding onto him without thinking, because now standing still felt harder than before, like every small movement of his was making me more aware instead of less.
"That was before you said that." I muttered, my voice softer, my eyes still refusing to meet his properly through the mirror.
He hummed softly, like he didn't agree, like my excuse didn't matter to him at all.
"And what exactly did I say that was wrong?" he asked, not expecting an answer, his hand at my waist shifting again, fingers pressing slightly as he drew me closer, removing whatever little distance had managed to form.
My breath came out uneven, my grip on him tightening further as I tried to hold onto something steady.
"You know what you said." I whispered.
"I do." he replied, his voice dropping just a little, closer now, more dangerous in the way it settled against my skin. "And I meant every word of it."
That sent another wave of heat through me, my cheeks burning even more, my body leaning back into him despite myself.
His hand didn't stay still.
It moved again, not wandering, not rushed, just slow, intentional, like he was taking his time, like he knew exactly how much it was affecting me and had no intention of stopping.
"You're standing here being all shy now." he continued, that faint amusement slipping back into his voice, but there was something deeper underneath it. "But a few minutes ago you were pulling me closer like you didn't want me to stop."
My fingers curled tighter into his arm at that, my breath catching again because he was right.
Again.
"I didn't say stop." I said before I could think, the words slipping out softer than I intended.
His grip at my waist firmed, not rough, but unmistakably stronger, his body pressing closer to mine, like that one sentence was all he needed.
"That's exactly what I thought." he murmured, his voice lower now, losing that teasing edge and turning into something steadier, heavier.
My heart started racing again, faster this time. His thumb began a slow, mesmerizing stroke along the curve of my hip, just above the waistband of my saree's underskirt, each pass sending a shiver of warmth through me. I could feel the heat radiating from his body, the hard press of his chest against my back and the subtle tremor in his breath against my hair. He shifted, just an inch and I felt the undeniable proof of his desire pressing into me.
A soft gasp escaped my lips, and I leaned back into him instinctively, my head tilting to the side, exposing the sensitive skin of my neck. He took the invitation, his lips brushing lightly against my earlobe, sending a jolt that went straight to my core. "And what are we going to do about that, hmm?" he whispered, his voice a low rumble that vibrated through me.
My fingers, still clutching his arm, trembled slightly. I wanted to turn, to meet his eyes, to lose myself in the intensity I knew would be there.
But something held me, a delicious tension, a desire to prolong this exquisite anticipation. His hand moved again, sliding higher, feather-light until his fingers grazed the bare skin just beneath my blouse. A sigh escaped me, and I felt myself soften, melting against his strength.
He kissed the delicate skin behind my ear, a slow, deliberate exploration that made my knees feel weak. "I bet you taste even better than you look." he murmured, his tongue flicking out, sending another shiver through me.
His words sent a fresh wave of heat through me, pooling low in my belly. My breath hitched, and I found myself leaning back further, my body a willing curve against his.
I wanted to speak, to protest at his crudeness but my voice felt trapped somewhere deep within my chest, replaced by a soft, involuntary moan. The gentle pressure of his hand at my waist increased, his thumb continuing its slow dance against my hip bone, drawing me even closer until there was no space left between us.
"If you are not going to stop me," he murmured, his breath hot against the curve of my neck, "then I am taking everything today Shivanya."
Before I could process the words, his hands found the pallu of my saree where it was pinned at my shoulder. With a deftness that made my heart leap into my throat, he unfastened the pleats, letting the heavy, embroidered fabric cascade to the floor and the sudden coolness of the room hit my bare midriff, but it was immediately incinerated as his hands mapped their way back over my skin, finding the tie of my underskirt.
A sharp, breathless gasp left my lips as he loosened the knot. The skirt pooled around my ankles, leaving me exposed to his gaze in nothing but my delicate lace underwear and the tightly fitted blouse.
He didn't let the anticipation linger. His fingers hooked into the lower edge of my blouse, pulling the strings that were holding it together and peeled it off my shoulders, discarding it until there was nothing left between his gaze and my bare skin but the lace of my bra.
The heat in his eyes was scorching that made my breath hitch. He looked at me as if I were something sacred, yet his hands were entirely possessive.
"Beautiful." he rasped, the word a low, rough vow against the quiet of the room. "Absolutely stunning."
I couldn't hold his gaze through the mirror and looked away but he made me turn towards him and made me look at him.
"Fuck Sunshine, you are going to be the death of me." he murmured and before my racing mind could even formulate a response, he leaned down, his hands sliding beneath my hips and shoulder to lift me effortlessly. A soft gasp escaped my lips as my feet left the floor. I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face into the crook of his shoulder, inhaling the intoxicating scent of cedarwood and warm skin that belonged entirely to him.
He walked the few short steps to the bed and lowered me on the mattress once again.
The cool touch of the sheets beneath me was a fleeting shock, instantly burned away as he came down over me. He didn't press his full weight down, instead bracing his hands on either side of my head, trapping me beneath the dark, intense canopy of his silhouette.
"Look at me, Shivanya." he commanded softly, his voice thick with a rough, undisguised hunger.
My eyes fluttered open, locking onto his. The sheer gravity in his gaze made my core ache, a heavy, pulsing ache that demanded something I didn't entirely know how to ask for. His eyes tracked down my body, mapping the pale lace of my bra, the curve of my waist, and the delicate line of my underwear.
He didn't make me wait. His hands slid down my sides, his palms searing hot against my bare skin, until his fingers hooked into the edges of my lace panties. With a slow, deliberate pull, he glided them down my legs, removing the final barrier between us and tossing them somewhere onto the floor.
I felt completely exposed, a tremor traveling through my limbs, but before insecurity could even take root, he shifted.
He slid down the length of my body, his hands smoothing over my thighs, gently parting them. The sudden vulnerability made me catch my breath, my fingers clutching the bedsheets tightly as he settled himself between my knees. I looked down, my heart hammering against my ribs, just as he looked up. The expression on his face wasn't just desire; it was absolute, consuming devotion.
"You are perfect." he whispered against the sensitive skin of my inner thigh, his breath sending a violent shiver straight to my center.
Then, his hands slid under my hips, lifting me slightly to meet him as he leaned in.
When his tongue made the first, slow stroke against my aching core, a high, fractured sob broke from my throat. The sensation was overwhelming, an electric shock of pure pleasure that made my hips instinctively arch upward.
"Sweeter than I thought, baby." he said, groaning against my skin and his hands tightening on my hips, anchoring me to him as his mouth became more urgent, more demanding.
He knew exactly what he was doing. His tongue swirled and pressed, finding the exact spot that made my head roll back into the pillows, my toes curling as waves of intense heat began to pool and tighten deep in my belly.
"Please." I gasped out, though I didn't even know what I was begging for. My fingers tangled into his thick hair, alternately pulling him closer and pushing him away as the pleasure grew too sharp, too beautiful to bear.
"I have got you, Sunshine." he murmured against me, his voice a low, vibrating rumble that sent another jolt through my nerve endings. He didn't slow down, he increased the pace, his thumb finding my hip bone while his mouth drove me completely losing my mind.
Every brush of his tongue, every deliberate press, sent blinding sparks of lightning straight to my core. He didn't give me a moment to breathe, driving the pace faster, harder, sensing exactly how close I was.
"Vihaan..." I cried out as my eyes closed, my voice breaking as the heat in my belly coiled into a tight, unbearable knot. My fingers dug desperately into his hair, my hips arching off the sheets instinctively, seeking more of him, begging for the release that felt just out of reach.
He let out a low growl against my skin, his thumbs pressing firmly into my hip bones to hold me completely still for him. "Let go, Sunshine." he commanded, his voice a rough, vibrating rumble that echoed directly against my center. "Come for me."
With one last, deep, agonizingly perfect swirl of his tongue against my most sensitive spot, the dam broke.
A loud, uninhibited sob tore from my throat as my entire body went rigid. The orgasm crashed over me in violent, beautiful waves.
Everything inside me squeezed, pulsing around the sensation as tremors rolled through my limbs. My head thrashed back into the pillows, completely undone.
Slowly, I forced my heavy eyelids open.
Vihaan was staring down at me, his dark eyes fiercely hooded, dark with a lingering, unspent hunger, but overflowing with that absolute, consuming devotion he had promised me. He reached up, his thumb tenderly wiping away a stray tear that had slipped down my cheek, before tracing the line of my jaw with a reverence that made my throat tight with emotion.
There were no doubt and insecurities left. In his arms, under his touch, I knew I was exactly where I belonged.
"Perfect." he whispered against my lips, his voice thick and rough and his eyes twinkling, all while I couldn't help but blush for the thousandth time.
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