Chapter - 37
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Much Love.
Vihaan -
She stayed in my arms and her cheek rested against my chest. I could feel her breathing, still a little uneven, slowing with every second that passed. I lowered my head, my chin brushing her hair. The faint scent of her that was something warm, something familiar filled my lungs and I closed my eyes without meaning to.
God.
This woman owned me. I was her's.
Her fingers curled into my shirt, not clutching now, just holding and it sent an ache through me. I had known want before her, I had known desire and I had known hunger but this was not that.
This was the same feeling I had felt when I saw her for the first time as she had walked in for her job interview. That day, the only thought that crossed my mind was that I could sit on that chair for the rest of my life if it meant that I would get to keep looking at her while she speaks.
The second time when I had felt this way for her was her second day of work when she was interacting with one of the senior partners, listening to him more than speaking but she she did, I found myself leaning ahead to listen to what she had to say and somewhere I knew that day, when she flipped her neck a little to move her hair away from her face because she had a bundle of files in her hands, I was taken by her and she did not even have to try.
After that, there were some one thousand and ninety five odd days where I could not gather my courage to go and speak to her even once before I saw her breaking down for a man who she loved but could never tell him, making me the happiest man in the world.
That was all the reality check I needed, telling me that if I do not act soon, I would lose her and losing her would have destroyed me to a point of no return.
And here she was now, right in my arms, right where I wanted her to be and she tasted so fucking sweet.
I shifted just a little, enough to feel her better, the soft curve of her shoulder under my hand, the way her body leaned into mine without hesitation now. She fit there so easily that it scared me how right it felt. As if my arms had always known how to hold her and were relieved to finally remember.
Her hair brushed my jaw when she moved, and my breath hitched before I could stop it. I pressed my lips there, not kissing, just resting them for a second. Then, I lifted my head and looked down at her. Her face was still turned toward my chest, lashes resting against her cheeks, lips parted just enough like she was still catching up with her own breath. There was a faint flush there, one I knew I had put there and I was proud of my art tonight.
I slid my thumb slowly along her arm and felt her shiver instantly and I dipped my head again, this time brushing my lips against her hair, then her temple. She sighed softly, the sound barely audible, but it went straight through me and my arms tightened around her again instantly.
"Vihaan...." she finally lifted her head up to look at me with those beautiful eyes but the moment they met mine, they refused to hold my gaze and she looked down again, her cheeks turning pink again.
So fucking adorable.
"Yeh mat kariye Shivanya, mujhe aapki aankhon mein apne liye jo dekhna hai, woh dekh lene dijiye." I smiled as she turned one shade of pink deeper and placed my index finger on her chin, lifting her head to make her look at me.
(Please don't do this to me, Shivanya. Let me see, just once, what I want to find for myself in your eyes.)
Her eyes met mine this time and she looked away, once again, still as shy as before and I could not help but let myself laugh a little.
She glanced at me at the sound, surprised and then immediately looked away again like she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to and I slipped my finger from under her chin and let my hand rest at her waist instead.
"You do not make it easy, Sunshine." I confess.
Her head tilted just a little, still not looking up. "What?"
I smiled again. "Looking at you without wanting to pull you closer to myself."
That made her shoulders tense for half a second before she laughed under her breath, shy and soft and then finally looked up then.
"M....muj....mujhe umm...mujhe...." She stopped, her lips pressing together like she was trying to hold the words in place. Her fingers fidgeted with the edge of my sleeve now, not looking at me but not pulling away either.
(I.....I...)
She took a breath. Then another.
"I was scared." she finally said, so softly it almost got lost between us.
Something in my chest tightened instantly.
"Of what?" I asked, letting her take the time she needed.
Her shoulders lifted a little, then dropped. "Of wanting this," she said. "Of wanting you."
She finally looked at me then, really looked.
I lifted my other hand and brushed my knuckle gently along her cheek. She leaned into it without thinking, like her body knew before she did and then leaned in, pressing my lips to her forehead and stayed there.
I stayed there for a moment, my lips resting against her forehead, breathing her in.
She went still under me first and then slowly softened before settling back into my arms like she had finally stopped bracing herself. Her hands slid up my chest again, unsure for a second, before one of them pressed flat over my heart.
Her fingers curled slightly and I pulled back just enough to look at her again just enough to see her face tilted up, her eyes still a little glossy, still shy but no longer afraid.
I rested my forehead against hers again, my nose brushing hers by accident, or maybe not. I could not tell what I did on purpose and what happened accidentally when she was around anymore.
My thumb moved on its own, slow and careful, tracing the line of her jaw. She followed the movement, leaning into it, her lips parting without realising.
That small thing undid me and I smiled, helplessly.
"Aapko mujhse darrne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai Shivanya. Mai aisa kuch nahi karunga jo aap nahi chahti hain." I told her the honest truth.
(You do not need to be afraid of me, Shivanya. I would never do anything that you don't want.)
"Mai jaanti hoon, Vihaan! Mujhe aapse darr thodi lag raha hai, mujhe bas....mujhe nahi pata bas mujhe darr lag raha hai." she voice cracked and a sole tear escaped her right eye and she looked away from me, wiping it away using her fingers.
(I know, Vihaan! It's not that I'm afraid of you. I just... I don't know, I'm just scared.)
I turned her back to me gently before she could put more distance between us and lifted my hand and wiped the tear she had missed with my thumb before resting my forehead against the side of her head, my mouth close to her temple.
"Toh mat ladiye na, Shivanya. Aap jo bhi mere liye mehsoos kar rahi hain, usse mat ladiye. Kyun darr rahi hain? Mai toh wahin khada hoon aapke intezaar mein jahan aap pahunchne se darr rahi hain." I laid my heart out in front of her.
(Then don't fight it, Shivanya. Don't fight what you have started to feel for me. What are you so afraid of? I am standing right here, waiting for you, at the very place you are scared to reach.)
"Sunshine, I am not asking you to jump." I added softly. "I am just asking you to stop standing still when your heart is already moving towards me. I have waited a long time for this day and I am ready to wait for the rest of my life but I will not have you being scared of me or something you are feeling for me. I cannot have that."
"Vihaan....I....what I want....." she stammered but I kept my index finger on her lips.
"You don't have to say anything yet. I am not running anywhere and neither are you. Mai pyaar karta hoon aapse Shivanya aur yeh baat aap acche se jaanti hain. Mai bas bolta nahi hoon jisse aap kisi dabaav mein na aayein kuch bhi aisa bolne ke jo aap mehsoon hi nahi karti hain abhi tak." I said.
(I love you, Shivanya, and you know that very well. I just don't say it out loud so that you never feel pressured to say something you don't truly feel yet.)
I held her there for a few seconds longer, my arms still around her, her forehead resting against my shoulder now. I could feel the way her thoughts were racing even though her body had gone calm again.
Then she shifted.
"I should... um..." she started, pulling back slowly, already gathering her dupatta like it was something to hide behind. "Maa must be wondering where I am. I was supposed to just freshen up."
There she was, running away from me in the most Shivanya way possible, deflecting.
I smiled before I could stop myself as she stepped aside from me and walked out of the room, tucking one loose strand of hair back behind her hair, the pink in her cheeks still visible.
I leaned back against the bed, rubbing a hand over my face, smiling like an idiot.
Cute, ridiculously cute.
She had not run because she did not want this. She had run because she wanted it too much and did not know what to do with that yet.
I pushed a hand through my hair and let out a slow breath, smiling to myself like a man who had already lost the war and was happy about it.
Take your time, Sunshine.
I will be right here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shivanya ~
I walked into the living room and sat down beside Mom, a little too carefully, like I needed to remind my body how to behave.
"Did you freshen up?" she asked, eyes still on the television.
"Yes." I said. "Just washed my face."
Dad was in the middle of complaining about how it had been so long since the last match India had played. There, I agreed with him.
"The dinner is all set, let's go and eat, Vihaan aa jaayega baad mein." Mom said, getting up and I stood up too with Dad following behind us.
I was just serving myself some chole when Vihaan walked in but for some stupid reason, I could not even look up to meet his eyes!
"Vihaan, kal zara Rudra se baat kar lena. Uski secretary ka phone aaya tha office mein thodi der pehele. Tum meeting mein busy the isiliye landline pe phone aaya tha ek kisi associate ka." Dad told him as he took a seat right next to him and just opposite to me.
(Vihaan, please talk to Rudra tomorrow. His secretary called the office a little while ago. You were busy in a meeting, so the call came on the landline from one of the associates.)
"Rudra Raisinghania? Adhiraj ji ka beta? Woh Ratangarh ke raaja?" Mom asked as clarification and looked up to Vihaan and Dad.
(Adhiraj ji's son? Ratangarh's king?)
Dad nodded once.
"Wasn't his wife's name all across the television and social media last week?" I recognised from where I had heard of this name and this time, let myself look at Vihaan.
He nodded at me.
"He must want an update." He replied, serving himself rice.
"We are representing him?" I asked because this was news to me.
"We are. I did not want to burden you with this too since you are taking care of the Arunachal Foods merger. I will handle this, don't worry Shivanya." He assured me.
"But you are also working on the Arunachal Foods thing Vihaan and it has been taking up so much of your time too, why don't you have over this Ratangarh case to Chintan Sir?" I asked.
"Shivanya, beta Rudra's father Adhiraj Raisinghania used to be my client back in the day and till date, our firm looks after the legal functioning of Ratangarh and their multiple companies. They are one of our biggest clients and i had personally promised Adhiraj and everything related to his work will always be looked after by me personally. By default this promise extended to Vihaan and now it extends to you too." Dad clarified.
I nodded slowly, absorbing that.
"That explains the urgency." I said, mostly to myself.
Vihaan glanced at Dad and then back at his plate. "Rudra prefers continuity and Ratangarh brings in a lot of money for the firm. This is not something we hand over lightly."
There was no pride in his voice, just fact.
"Rudra comes from a broken home, Shivanya. He has suffered in ways unimaginable. I'll tell you his story one day." Maa said, looking at me.
I nodded.
"I think I understand." I found myself saying.
Mom, dad and Vihaan looked at me once, all together but did not say anything, much to my relief and I changed the topic just as soon.
"Vihaan kal mai office nahi aa rahi hoon." I say, breaking the silence.
(Vihaan, I am not going to the office tomorrow.)
"Kyun?" he looked so shocked that I bit my lip to not laugh.
(Why?)
"Radhika and I are going Sameer uncle and Vidhi aunty's home. They came back from the US just yesterday and wanted to see us. I don't know if you know but they flew to their son right after our wedding." I told him before taking the next bite. (REFRESHER - SAMEER AND VIDHI ARE SHIVANYA'S LATE PARENTS' FRIENDS)
"But you did not officially apply for a leave, Mrs. Raichand so how will I approve it?" Vihaan asked, making my eyes go wide.
Was he really....
Before I could even finish that thought, I saw that playfulness in his eyes and I smiled.
"Oh hello, tu rokega meri bahu ko leave lene se? Vihaan zyada bakwaas naa kar, maine poori firm Shivanya ke naam kar deni hai, phir tu ghoomta rehna uske aage piche leave ke liye." Dad threatened my husband and this time, I did not control myself and laughed.
(Oh hello, are you going to stop my daughter-in-law from taking a leave? Vihaan, don't talk too much nonsense. I'm going to transfer the entire firm in Shivanya's name, then you can keep running after her asking for leave.)
So did Mom and Vihaan turned his head to look at Dad.
"Dad, mujhe Shivanya ke aage piche ghoomne problem nahi hai, mera kaam hai unke aage piche ghoomna, aap hi se sikha hai." He shrugged and suddenly, the heat from a while back rose back to my cheeks even as I bit my inner cheek to stop it.
(Dad, I don't have any problem running after Shivanya. It is my job now to follow her around. I have learned that from you.)
Dinner continued like that, normal and comfortable but every now and then, I would feel his eyes on me.
I never looked up when I did.
When dinner ended, Dad pushed his chair back and got up, his phone ringing. "I'll take that call in the study."
"Mai coffee laati hoon aapke liya Papa." I said and he nodded with a smile after he had received the call.
(I'll get your coffee, Papa.)
Mom gathered the plates. "Shivanya, leave these. I'll handle it."
"Nahi Maa! Aap jaayiye aur aaraam kariye, yeh mai kar lungi." I said immediately, taking the plates from her hands.
(No Maa! You go and rest, I will take care of this.)
She gave me a hopeless look and sighed, knowing that I won't let her win this like always and walked to her room.
As I reached for the plates, my fingers brushed against someone else's.
Vihaan.
"So jumpy, Sunshine." Vihaan murmured, very softly.
I pulled my hand back like I'd been burned and grabbed a plate with the other one. "I'll... take these to the kitchen."
He didn't stop me and stepped back instead, giving me space and somehow that made my chest feel lighter.
I set the plates down carefully, one by one, focusing a little too much on lining them up. My hands were still warm and my face probably was too when I heard footsteps behind me.
I was in love with my husband and had no idea what to do about it.
"Mai chalun aapke saath kal?" I heard his voice that made me turn to look at him.
(Let me go with you?)
"Nahi Vihaan, kal meetings hain aapki back to back. Waise bhi uncle, aunty ne hum sabko next week dinner par bulaya hai, aap tab mil lijiyega unse." I replied, washing my hands.
(No, Vihaan, you have back-to-back meetings tomorrow. Anyway, uncle and aunty have invited all of us for dinner next week, you can meet them then.)
"Ab aapke bina office mein kya karunga mai? Chaliye kal meri bhi chutti." He said, leaning against the doorway, arms crossed loosely, watching me.
(Now what will I even do at the office without you? Come on, I am taking a leave too, tomorrow.)
"Vihaan! Aapka hi office hai woh! Kya matlab aap wahan kya karenge? Kaam hi karenge na!" I said, looking at him, almost shocked but with a thousand butterflies in my stomach because of the way he was looking at me while I made my way to the refrigerator to take the milk out for coffee.
(Vihaan! It's your own office! What do you mean what will you do there? Of course you'll work!)
"Yeh kya baat hui Shivanya? Office mera toh mujhe jaana hoga par biwi bhi toh meri hi hai na yahan ghar par, toh mujhe bhi ghar par hi rukna hoga na."
(What kind of logic is this, Shivanya? The office is mine, so I have to go there. But the wife at home is also mine, is she not? So then I should stay at home too.)
I stared at him for a second longer than necessary, the milk still in my hand and my mind short-circuiting at the ease with which he said what he just said.
"You are impossible, Mr. Birdbrain." I said finally, closing the refrigerator door and turning back toward the counter.
"And yet, Mrs. Birdbrain" he replied calmly, "you married me."
That made my lips twitch despite the fact that I was trying to not smile.
"Vihaan, aapko kaam nahi karna hai kya kuch?" I asked while pouring the milk into the pan and kept it on the stove.
(Vihaan do you not have any work to finish?)
"Tsk tsk tsk Mrs. Raichand, aap ab mujhe apne aap se door bhagana chah rahi hain? Mai aapko bata doon ki aisa toh nahi hoga." He replied, and I could somehow practically feel him smirking and found him standing right next to me, so close, in a heartbeat.
(Tsk tsk tsk, Mrs. Raichand. Are you trying to push me away from yourself now? Let me tell you that is not going to happen.)
"Hatiye Vihaan, mujhe coffee banani hai." I said, looking up at him.
(Move aside, Vihaan. I need to make coffee.)
All he did was turn around and leaned on the counter right next to me, his palms pressed to the slab while he looked at me.
"Haan toh bana lijiye na, maine kahan roka hai aapko?" He asked, raising an eyebrow, still smirking at me, completely and smugly aware of the effect he has on me.
(Then go ahead and make it, when did I stop you?)
"You are distracting me!" I said and then regretting my choice of words.
Damn Shivanya! You have lost it.
"That sounds like a you problem, Sunshine." he replied calmly.
I shot him a look, but he only smiled wider, clearly enjoying this far too much. I turned back to the stove, pretending the coffee needed all my attention, even though my heart was beating loud enough to drown out every other sound in the room.
He leaned in a little, not touching but just close enough that I could feel the warmth of him at my side.
"A...aap yeh kya kar rahe hain Vihaan?" I asked him, not looking at him while he was inches away from my face, looking at me.
(W....what are you doing Vihaan?)
"Filhaal toh aapke inn baalon se jal raha hoon Shivanya. Kitne aaraam se yeh aapke chehre par bikhre hue hain, kitne aaraam se aapko chuh rahe hain aur aap inse bhaag bhi nahi rahi hain jaise mujhse bhaagti hain kabhi kabhi." He said and my heartbeat increased at his every word and I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. He was going to give me a heart attack someday.
(Right now, I am jealous of your hair, Shivanya. The way they rest so easily against your face, the way they touch you so freely and you don't run away from that like the way you sometimes run away from me. It is infuriating.)
"Mai aapse door nahi bhaagti hoon, Vihaan." I lied as I poured the coffee in a cup and put it on a tray, turning around to take it to dad, without sparing him another glance.
(I don't run away from you Vihaan.)
I was not going to tell him that I love him just like this, I am going to have to plan something but the damn good lawyer that he is, he will find out if he looks into my eyes for too long or if he makes me entangled in his own words.
I could not let him do that!
"Toh aap phir yeh kya kar rahi hain abhi? Door hi toh bhaag rahi hain mujhse." I heard him say as I exited the kitchen and then heard his laugh while I nodded my head.
(Then what do you think you are doing right now? You are still running away from me.)
Then, I let myself laugh just a little. He was right, I had just run away from him but what else was I even supposed to do!
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