2 Can't Remember
Right now, the two of us were looking for a cozy spot to sit around my workplace. Normally, I never hang around here when it gets dark because once work is done, I just want to rush home and clear my head. But today, I was still lingering because of her—Rattikarn. She happened to be working nearby, carrying a large tote bag, the kind people usually bring back from Japan. It seemed like she had a laptop or an iPad in there, but she didn't take it out to work. Instead, she chose to order coffee and chat with me.
"How have you been? Are you doing well?" I asked first to break the silence. The beautiful woman, who had just pulled a hair tie off her wrist and quickly gathered her hair, smiled charmingly in every gesture.
"I'm good. How about you?"
"Just the usual. I was wondering where you disappeared to."
"I haven't gone anywhere. Just working from home sometimes, at coffee shops other times, and going to the office to discuss scripts with the team," she explained briefly. "Like today, I brought my laptop out to work somewhere different."
So, it was a laptop in that bag, after all. I glanced at her belongings and nodded.
"Where did you work today?"
"I haven't started yet. I was planning to, but then I ran into you."
"And where did you come from?"
"My apartment."
"And where do you stay?"
"..."
"..."
Everything fell silent. She didn't answer and instead took a sip of her iced coffee. If I had any manners, I shouldn't press if she didn't want to share. Her mystery made me both curious and pleased.
"I was just trying to keep the conversation going. If you don't want to tell, I won't ask," I smiled to show I wasn't pressuring her. Rattikarn pursed her lips slightly, hesitated, opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again and went completely silent, making me raise an eyebrow.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
"No."
"You're talking less than the last time we met," I brought up the past we both avoided. Or rather, we weren't sure if we should talk about that day. Even though there was some alcohol involved, it wasn't like in the movies, where memories get cut off. I remembered every scene until we each went home when the place closed.
"I was thinking about what to say. Should I pretend nothing happened..."
"..."
"That day."
Finally, she brought it up. I almost choked on my breath but tried to act like that day was just another day to keep things normal.
"You mean when we kissed?" I shrugged and asked back. The beautiful woman nodded slowly.
"You remember?"
"You might not feel good about it."
Her probing question made me hesitate. She seemed to be playing coy, wanting me to speak more than she did.
"I don't remember."
My answer slipped out, and I almost wanted to slap my mouth three times to take it back, like when you say something bad and want to undo it. But it seemed my answer made Rattikarn look at me steadily and reply in a similarly casual tone.
"Me neither... I don't remember."
Don't remember? How could she say that when I remembered every step, even finding that song and singing it from start to finish?
"Or maybe we just don't want to remember."
"Do you not want to remember?"
"Stop answering questions with questions."
"Why should I?"
The café's music got louder, making me want to shout at the owner to turn it off.
Why does jazz music always have to use saxophones? It gives me a headache!
"That day, the atmosphere led us, plus the alcohol."
"Yeah, the atmosphere was nice, the music was good, and there was alcohol in our system."
"Let's just clear it up then. That day was a moment of weakness for both of us because of the alcohol. I hope you don't mind."
"I don't mind. Friends do that sometimes."
Why was I annoyed? Maybe because she didn't seem to care at all. Everything felt empty, making me feel crazy for constantly thinking about that day.
"So, we're clear. Nothing more to talk about."
"Yeah," Rattikarn said shortly and stood up. "We have nothing more to say."
She got up and walked out of the café. I could only grit my teeth and grumble about why our conversation today was so terrible compared to that day. It was because of this damn music, this jazz I'd hated all my life. Its shrill sound made me irritable.
Just as I was thinking of going home, I noticed her tote bag left behind. I sighed, rolled my eyes, and grabbed the bag before rushing out, calling for Rattikarn, who had disappeared.
"Rattikarn!" I shouted her full name, but I felt it was too long, so I changed it to "Ratt..."
Or is her nickname Karn?
"Karn!"
Damn it, why was I wasting time being shy about saying her name? I looked around until I saw her standing by the wall, smoking, arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed. I hesitated, wondering how to approach her.
Ugh, there's no time to overthink this. Just call her.
"Rattikarn, you left your bag in the café."
She brushed her hair back and glanced at me, exhaling smoke. I wasn't fond of smokers, but she looked inexplicably sexy under the white smoke. But I had to shake that thought because we were arguing.
"I didn't forget. I just came out to smoke. Are you leaving?"
"Yeah."
"Hand me the bag. Thank you"
I walked over and handed her the bag. She reached out to take it but frowned when I didn't let go. My mind was racing. I should've walked away and let it end here, stopped being confused, and stopped thinking about it. We unfriended each other, and the kiss was a mistake, but I couldn't let go of the bag that connected us.
"Why are you still looking at me like that after unfriending me?" Rattikarn asked, her eyes never leaving mine. Her intensity made me step closer, cupping her face and kissing her fiercely.
"I unfriended you because I don't want to be friends," I said, pulling away to breathe before kissing her again. This time, she turned her head and took a drag from her vape. Her jawline was still attractive to me; this wasn't healthy.
"Why are you doing this again? We didn't even drink," she said, blowing smoke in my face, teasing. "You can't claim it was a mistake now."
"Can I kiss you?"
"..."
"Never mind."
Seeing she didn't feel the same, I started to walk away. Right, why would I make things more difficult? We should just walk away like before. But as I turned, she grabbed my wrist, pulling me back and pinning me against the wall. Rattikarn pressed her lips, then sighed heavily. She was as frustrated as I was but couldn't deny it, pulling me back.
"We don't even have alcohol in our system," she said, resting her forehead against mine, her nose brushing mine. "We can't put the blame on it anymore."
"Then what is it?"
"I don't know, maybe lust and horniness," her bluntness made me blush. "Can that happen between friends?"
"Then let's not be friends."
"You're so impatient. No wonder you unfriended me. You're just easy to get irritated."
"You get it," I smirked. That almost made her pull away, but I locked her in place. "Forget it. Let's focus on now."
"Focus on now..."
Rattikarn leaned in and kissed me. The taste was the same, confirming it happened. The burnt smell of cigarettes and the bittersweet in her mouth was what I wanted to know. She must've smoked that day, too. The faint smell from her breath made sense. The sweet taste was probably from the vape. It felt sexy coming from her.
We pulled away and stayed silent. Her hair was messy, so I gathered it with one hand and held it behind her.
"I remember now... what it felt like to kiss you," she said first, then licked her own lips. Her breathless state, like someone yearning from within, showed she felt the same way.
"I remember, too," I replied with a smile. "So, what do we do now?"
"For now... let's just add each other as friends again," she suggested.
"Why add each other back when we haven't talked since that day?"
"At least we can see each other, right?"
"But you never post any status updates. It's kind of unfair."
"I keep it to read others' posts. I don't want people to know too much about me. Mostly, I just post quotes or share things. If you want to see my status, I'll post something."
"And if you had to post a status right now, what would it be?"
Rattikan leaned in to kissme again and then answered briefly, "It would say... 'screw it.'"
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