Màu nền Màu tối Mặc định Xám nhạt Xanh nhạt Xanh đậm Vàng nhạt Màu sepia Vàng đậm Vàng ố

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~ I know we are all a little broken, though the last time I checked, the broken crayons colour the same, but sometimes, just sometimes,they might not too~

Startled out of her wits, Nandini gaped at his heavily breathing figure, the many instances when he would disappear within his room flodding her mind. Did that mean, all this while-? No, good lord! She immediately closed his door and leaned to the wall outside his room, the sight not ready to leave her mind and heart.

No! This couldn't be true. No!

The click of the door broke her trance and she realized quite a few minutes have passed. Manik peeked out at her, and smiled, the smile she was used to watch for the last few days. His charm was back, no signs of the vulnerability that had left her shuddering all this while. The illusion was back!

She half hartedly smiled back, and watched him walking downstairs, humming a song, like everything a few minutes before was a figment of her imagination. It sacred her, the extent of damage she had seen in his eyes, in that one second of the lack of illusion. And also she knew nothing about him, his past, his scars, the heaviness he carried in his heart under the pretense of smiles, absolutely nothing.

"People don't die of suicide Nandini, they die of sadness".

His voice echoed, creating a terror so frightening that it paralysed her. What if he was not talking about others, but himself? Was he one of those people who quoted to share their own turmoils, who talk through philosophies, and who otherwise stay still as an ocean, efficiently hiding all the ripples beneath? Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. Nandini could feel her mind near to exploding, and she slided down the door of his room, holding her head in her hands. This sudden ache, was crippling her. This fear that had settled in her fragile heart, for him, was ripping her apart from within.

Manik couldn't give up on life. The man who was spreading happiness and zeal in every man he met, he couldn't give up.

Nandini stood up, determined suddenly. She wiped her tears, and sent a small paryer to her Aiyaapa. She won't let this happen to him of all people. She had no answer why was it affecting her so much, but all she knew was she wanted his smile, she loved to see him smile, especially when it made his brown eyes twinkle. She was ready to do anything for that, any damn thing.

Manik came upstairs almost three hours later, his legs shivering with anxiety. His dose was almost over and he needed another one to support himself soon. His breaths were getting heavier by each step that he was taking towards his room. Sweat beads could be seen all over his face, and the thin T-shirt was almost getting transparent. By the time he reached his door step, he was out of breaths, and it took him every bit of his residual strength to push open the door of his room, only to be startled by the sight.

The petite girl stood in his room, with his IV kit in her hands, the  powder drug scattered on the floor, and the silliest smile he had ever seen, on her face.

"Nandini?", His voice was raspy, it was hurting him physically to speak.

"Haaaye! Maanik Malhotra!", Nandini slurred and prolonged the words unnecessarily, laughing.

" What did you do?", He asked again, entering the room, and closing the door behind him. His mind was getting pre-occupied with her, blocking away the numbing need for the drugs very slowly.

" Me? Ohh nothing! Stuff you do everyday!", She jumped again, the sachet of white powder that was half torn fell on the floor.

The sight broke his trance. That was what he needed, his lifeline. A smile started to form on his face, as his feet walked towards it on their own. But before he could lean in to sniff it, Nandini jumped, surprising him, and crushing it all under her milky white feet.

" It's ticklish, it's ticklish", she exclaimed, jumping over the powder all over, destroying it in front of his eyes. This time her laughter didn't seem melodious to him, but it enraged him.

"Nandini!", He roared and gripped her arms tightly, pushing her to the floor, and red marks highlighted on her fair skin.

"Ouch!", She winced as she fell, her eyes getting teary, but Manik didn't bother. All he saw was that filthy white powder sprawled on the floor, the one that made him what he was loved for.

Nandini stood up by herself, her fake high-on-drugs accent gone, and her tears rolling out of her waterlines to her cheeks. Her arm was hurting, but her heart was hurting more.

And yet, gulping down all the hurt she held his wrist at the right moment, just before he was about to put the pinch of powder in his mouth. It infuriated him to no extent, his eyes getting redder each passing second. She could now clearly see the throbbing vein in his neck, and the way he had clenched his fists.

" Nandini Murthy, stay fucking away, and let me fucking have my meds", he cursed out aloud, she could see how he was having trouble breathing slowly. She didn't budge, and rather, with one swift movement of her leg, dismissed the entire powder on the floor.

Before Manik could react, she moved closer to him, cupping his face. She could feel the hard face, the resistance he was using to not lash out at her again.

" I would have, if these would have been meds Manik!", She spoke very softly, one word at a time, emphasis on every alphabet.

His shoulders dropped. The rage in his eyes was now replaced with Unadulterated pain.

"It is my medicine Nandini. I need them", his tone was almost pleading.

"No you don't. You just have grown to be dependent on them", she insisted and he raised his eyes, full of innocence, to look at her. They begged her to let him have it, because he knew there was so much that was able to cripple him if not for those white powders.

Nandini sighed, before taking out two pills from a strip that she had been carrying with her. It was a mild sedative, that she had been prescribed to have if having trouble sleep. She made him have it, because she needed some time to do what she intended and also, he needed to be sober to talk to.

Next morning, Manik woke up with a heavy head, and he almost had to hold it to even sit. He looked up and side, to find a clean room, and not the mess he remembered from last night. On the edge of the bed, Nandini was sitting with fidgetting fingers.

"Nandini?", He cleared his throat, and she looked up, with a smile. She got up and gave him a mug of coffee, and Manik frowned at that, his mind getting confused.

Nevertheless, the headache was getting worse and coffee was a good option, and hence he drank the bitter liquid in one go, without making a noise. Nandini flinched at that for how much bitterness was he used to to drink that coffee just like that?

"Manik!", The sound of her voice broke his reverie, and he looked up, not really wanting to because this conversation was going to be really awkward.

" You know, I realize that we are practically strangers and I should not invade your personal space, but-", she paused and took a deep breath while lowering her eyes, since his gaze was making her nervous.

"-but I can't help it", she let it out and raised her eyes to find a very faint smile on his face.

" I know Nandini, you care for me like you care for everybody else, but I don't think I am worth it", he stood up, turning his back to her.

Nandini too stood up, and walked upto him, holding his wrist and making him face her once again.

"Yes I care for you, but not like everyone else. I care for you like you should be cared about", the words escaped her and Manik was startled at it.

"Nandini!", He sighed watching the stubborn women in front of him.

"One chance Manik, please", she practically begged and Manik closed his eyes, in frustration.

"Nandini, you can wipe the stains out of a mirror to make it shine again. But wiping pieces of a broken mirror won't serve the purpose. It's going to be useless", he tried to make her understand but Nandini didn't budge.

"Not if you gather the pieces and make a new mirror or any other item out of it. Also, every piece can act as a separate mirror. Every piece is that useful!", She counter attached him, and he sighed again.

"Nandini!", This time she could feel the frustration in his voice, as he gripped her arms a little more harshly than intended.

" Yes you can arrange the pieces, but what if the mirror is completely smashed, like glass powder only. Then there is nothing left. It is going to prick you only, no matter how carefully you touch it. Please understand and leave me alone. Please?", This time it was him who was pleading to her, and Nandini could feel moisture stinging the back of her eyes. She could clearly see the helplessness etched in his eyes, the vulnerabilities in his face.

"I will", two words and Manik left her shocked. Was it really that easy to convince her?

" If I fail in one attempt. One chance is all I ask. Please?", The batting of her eyelashes paved the way for a two fat tears to roll down her chubby cheeks, and soon she had broken down into full fledged crying. Her chin wobbled every now and then, and Manik kicked the bed in anger, for he had no other option but to agree to her.

Two days. Fourty-eight hours. Two thousand eight hundred eighty minutes.

Nandini almost felt like giving up several times, as she watched him writhing in pain, tightly holding her hand. She had spent that entire night searching on 'How to clean body out of drugs?'. She had brought all those medicines needed, and she fed him those stubbornly.

He lay high in fever, tightly clutching his abdomen as pain shot through him every once in a while. At times, he would feel too cold to sit too. And more than a few times he had almost given up. Nandini had red marks all over her arms, where he had grabbed her, almost physically abused her at points.

But now two days later, as she slept peacefully, with his body temperature normal, she found everything worth it. Every damn thing. She had also found a good de addiction center in Manali itself and enrolled him there too. At the end of it there was a flicker of hope she desperately wanted to hold on to.

Three weeks later, Manik and Nandini were sitting on the bench outside the hospital, watching the sky.  Manik was a lot better, and almost successful in curbing the urge to have those nasty medicines.

"You never asked me why I started taking them?", Manik spoke all of a sudden, turning his gaze at her.

" Do I need to?", She asked back and Manik shrugged.

"You know Manik what is the problem with our generation? We grieve the tragic ending of the things, of the situations so much, that we tend to forget how beautiful the beginning was", her words shocked him, to be honest, but he could see her point.

"I understand it might have been something big and bad enough to push you into this hell hole, but Manik there might have been some remotely happy things too na, in life. Why don't we just concentrate on these? Why don't you live for you? Why is it important to destroy your heart and life because of some faults in our stars?", She didn't realize when she had started breathing heavy.

Manik didn't reply. There was nothing to reply.

Both sat on the bench for a long time, until the stars appeared over their heads.

Maybe the next morning would be hopeful. Maybe just not.