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MIGS

Saskia was sitting on the black leathered couch in my office. I quietly stared at her with arms folded over my chest as I tried to process what she told me. She was pregnant. With my child. She had a growing life inside of her. And it came from me.

"Ano? Buong araw na lang ba tayo magtititigan dito? Magsalita ka naman. Don't just do something! Stand there!" She impatiently said.

I swallowed to moisten my dry throat. I was still in completed shock. "I honestly don't know what to say..."

"Sabihin mong pananagutan mo itong anak mo. Wala na akong malalapitan kung hindi ikaw lang. Hindi ko kayang buhayin ang batang ito ng ako lang. Migs, maawa ka naman sa amin. Hindi lang naman sa akin ito eh, anak mo rin ito. Alam ko kung gaano kayaman ang mga Cordova. Kung tutuusin, yung pangsusustento mo sa anak mo barya lang sa'yo yun. Suporta lang, yun lang ang hinihingi ko. Sa pagbubuntis ko at anak mo. Huwag mo naman sana pagdamot sa amin yun." There was desperation in her voice.

I unconciously massaged my temple. Pakiramdam ko pumipintig ang mga ugat sa ulo ko. I was going to be a father to a practical stranger I'd had a one night stand with. I didn't know what to feel.

"How did you know you were pregnant? Have you had yourself checked?"

"Teka..." She reached into her pocket and took a white stick. "Ito ang ebidensya. Yan! Di ka pa rin ba maniniwala?"

She shoved the white skin on me. I took it from her and looked at it. It had two red lines.

"Isang beses ka lang nagpregnancy test?" Tanong ko sa kanya.

She slowly nodded her head, her lips pouted. "Ilan ba dapat?"

"This could be a mistake. I mean, isang beses ka lang naman nag test. Baka... baka mali lang ito. The second line is really faint." Hope rose in my chest.

"Kung gusto mo uullit ko." She insisted.

"We'll have you checked. Dadalhin kita sa OB para makasiguro tayo."

She nodded her head, a slight relief on her face. I asked her to wait for me in the parking lot. I didn't want anyone to see us together. I took in a deep breath when she left, trying to calm the turmoil in my head. Maybe I was just in a nightmare. This must be a nightmare. There was no way this could be real.

I was going to marry the love of my life. My life was perfect. Everything was going according to my plan and then Saskia came into my life like a bomb, wiping away everything I had worked hard for.

No matter how much I regretted what had happened it couldn't do and undo anything. Kahit magsisi ako ng magsisi hindi na mawawala ang bata sa tiyan niya. Hindi na maibabalik ang ginawa ko kay Hazel at sa relasyon namin.

I could only hope the pregnancy test was just a mistake. Baka mapatawad pa ako ni Hazel kung hindi nga buntis si Saskia.

I went directly down the parking lot and saw her there with the guy she was with when we came to see her at the club she was working for.

"Get in the car." I told them as I looked around, making sure no one was nearby or could see us. I pressed the unlock button on my car remote key. The car made a sound which indicated that it had already been unlocked. The two of them went inside.

I drove off the moment I got in. I'd be dead if someone sees me with another woman and tells Hazel about this.

"Ano na ang plano mo ngayon kay Saskia at sa anak mo?" The guy with an unusual high pitched voice for a man asked. I believe he was gay as I heard Saskia call him 'Ninang Jodie' numerous times before.

"I want to have her checked by a doctor first. Kapag nasiguro ko na buntis nga siya, then we'd talk." I sighed.

I looked at the rearview mirror. Saskia was just quietly sitting there, looking out of the window and in deep thought. I somehow felt a surge of pity for her. She shouldn't be the one to blame. Higit kanino man, ako ang may malaking pagkakamali. I was already going to get married. I shouldn't have slept with her. Wala sa amin ang may gusto sa sitwasyon na ito.

We stopped at a small clinic about an hour drive away from Manila. I didn't want to take any risk. Baka may makakilala sa akin sa mga ospital doon. We went in and we were greeted by a nice, old lady which happened to be the doctor.

I sat there as she took Saskia's vital stats and started asking her questions. Maya-maya ay dinala siya nito sa loob ng isang kwarto. I was asked if I wanted to come with her and I said yes. Naiwan ang Ninang Jodie niya sa labas ng kwarto.

She was asked to lay down on the obstetric bed. Nagkatinginan kami habang nakahiga siya doon at hinahanda ng doktor ang mga gamit niya. There was a flash of sadness in her naturally vibrant eyes, she quickly looked away.

The doctor inserted a transducer inside of her. My heart was beating so loud I could practically hear it in my ears. I hoped and prayed that the doctor would find nothing. I wasn't prepared for this. Having a baby with a woman I had one night stand with was never a part of my plan.

"Kung makikita niyo, itong bilog na ito, yan na yung fetus." She pointed at the white round thing in the screen next to her.

I swallowed. My shoulder sagged. This was the end of everything. I could feel the world I had worked so hard for crumble under my feet. She was pregnant.

"Ilang weeks na ang fetus?" I asked when I finally found my voice.

"Kung ibabase natin sa size, nasa three weeks na siya. More or less." Sabi ng doktora. I did the math in my head. It was three weeks ago when I woke up in bed with a strange woman beside me the morning after my bachelor's party. I felt myself sank a little lower.

"Hindi ka pa din ba naniniwala?" She said with an 'I told you so' tone in her voice.

Hindi ako nakakibo sa tanong niyang iyon. I was completely speechless, it was as if I had swallowed my tongue. I hadn't said a single word while we were in the tiny room. After the ultrasound she was prescribed vitamins for her and the baby. Pagkatapos ay lumabas na kami.

"Ano'ng sabi ng doktor?" Tanong ng Ninag Jodie niya.

"Okay naman si baby. Three weeks na daw siya." She forced a smile.

"O, ngayon napatunayan mo na buntis ang inaanak ko baka naman pwede na tayong mag-usap?" He cocked a brow at me.

"I... are you sure it's mine?" I sighed.

"Kanina ka pa eh. Ilang beses ko ba sasabihin sa'yo na ikaw lang ang nakagalaw sa akin? Hindi naman porque nagtatrabaho ako sa club madumi na akong babae!"

"I'm sorry. My mind is a mess right now. I don't know what to do. I—I'm getting married soon and this... God, why does this have to happen now?"

Saskia's brows crumpled and she frowned. "Tulong lang para sa anak mo ang hinihingi ko mula sa'yo. Hindi lang naman ang buhay mo ang masisira! Akala mo ba ginusto ko 'to? Ang ganda na ng trabaho ko. Nabubuhay ko pamilya ko. Kumikita naman ako sa pagsasayaw sa club. I'm selling pancake tapos all of a suddenly, malalaman kong buntis ako! Sabihin mo nga sa akin, paano ako makakapagsayaw kapag malaki na ang tiyan ko?"

"Teka? Kailan ka pa nagtinda ng pancake?" Her companion asked.

"Ninang naman eh!" Her frown grew even deeper. "Ibig sabihin nun mabenta ako sa club. English idiot yun. Nabasa ko yun no! Panira ka ng drama!"

"Gaga! Selling like hotcakes, yun yung english idiom. Yung english idiot, ikaw yun! Saskia, kung magdadrama ka sana inaayos mo, no?" The man rolled his eyes at her.

"Akala ko ba tayo ang magkakampi dito? Seryoso kasi ako!" She marched into my car.

Her companion chased after her. "Saskia! Hindi ko naman siya kinakampihan. Kinocorrect lang kita! Kung anu-ano kasing sinasabi mo."

I was left alone standing there. I brushed my finger through my throbbing head, taking a deep inhale and letting out a long exhale. That woman was going to be the mother of my child. My first born. I didn't know how I should feel about it.

I slipped into my car after my quick meditation and drove off. There was heavy silence in the air. Pagkatapos ng isang oras na biyahe ay hininto ko ang kotse sa dating pinagbabaan ko sa kanila.

"Saskia, I'm sorry..." I looked into the rearview mirror. She looked upset like she wanted to cry but she was holding it in.

"Alam mo, Migs, hindi ko alam kung paano mo ako nabuntis. Malaki nga titi mo, wala ka naman bayag." She then pushed the door open and got out before I could even think of what to say.

"Wala pala yang si general. Puro dura lang, pag dating sa responsibilidad umuurong." He looked at me with a disgusted experession on his face. "Pag ikaw tinakasan mo itong inaanak ko, humanda ka. Alam ko kung sino ka at saan ka pwedeng hanapin. Guguluhin ko buhay mo!" Her Ninang threatened.

I immediately got out of the car and followed them. Humarang ako sa harap niya. "Saskia, I swear, pananagutan ko ang bata. Di ko tatakasan ang responsibilidad ko. I just need a moment to breathe and think."

SASKIA

Naglaho ang paghanga ko kay Miguel Cordova. Ano pa bang gusto niyang gawin ko? Lumuhod ako sa kanya? Magmakaawa na panagutan niya itong anak niya? Kung kaya ko naman buhayin itong bata, hindi na ako hihingi ng tulong sa kanya kaso mahirap lang kami. Kahit man lang sa anak namin magpakita naman siya ng konting malasakit. Gusto kong kahit ito man lang bata, mabigyan ko ng magandang kinabukasan. Ayaw kong matulad siya sa akin.

Dinampot ko ang isang paketeng sigarilyo at kumuha ng isang stick. Inilagay ko iyon sa pagitan ng mga labi ko at sinimulan kong sindihan ang lighter. Bago ko pa malapit ang apoy sa sigarilyo ay may humablot ng yosi.

"My, ano ba?!" Kunot noong napalingon ako.

"Tigilan mo muna yan! Alam mo naman buntis ka! Baka gusto mong lumabas na abnormal yang anak mo!" Sermon ni Nanay bago umupo sa tabi ko. Nakaupo kami ngayon sa labas, sa hagdan ng bahay papunta sa pinto nito. "Ano'ng sabi ng Tatay?"

"Noong una ayaw niyang maniwala na buntis ako kaya dinala niya ako sa doktor. Nung napatunayan naman na buntis na ako, gusto niya naman patunayan ko na siya nga ang ama." Bumuntong-hininga ako.

"Ano bang gustong mangyari ng lalaking iyon? Susugurin na ba natin?"

"Sabi niya naman pananagutan daw niya ito. Hindi naman daw niya tatakasan ang responsibilidad niya. Give him the benefit of the daw."

"Yun naman pala eh. Bakit parang nalugi ka?"

"Wala lang. Iniisip ko lang ang magiging buhay ng anak ko at natin pagdumating na siya."

Ngumiti si nanay. "Nako, magiging masigla na naman ang bahay. Ang tagal na din walang bata sa bahay. Malalaki na kasi kayo ng mga kapatid mo."

"Sa tingin mo, My, pag nalaman ng anak ko na nagsasayaw ako sa club at nabuo siya kasi pumatol ako sa lalaking ikakasal na ikakahiya niya ako?" 

"Bakit naman? Ako ba ikinahiya mo?"

Dahan-dahan akong napatango at naramdaman kong namumuo ang luha sa gilid ng mga mata ko. "Noong elementary pa lang ako, My, palagi akong tinutukso ng mga kalaro ko na anak ako ng pokpok. Hindi ba, ayaw kong sinusundo mo ako sa eskwelahan saka hindi ko sinasabi sa'yo kapag kuhaan ng card namin o may meeting ang mga magulang at titser? Nahihiya kasi ako noon... Pero nung nakita ko yung mga sakripisyo mo sa amin magkakapatid, sa tuwing naririnig kong umiiyak ka, sa tuwing nakikita kong nahihirapan ka unti-unting nawawala yung hiya na yun. Napapalitan iyon ng respeto. Siguro nga, sa paningin ng iba masama kang babae. Madumi ka kasi nagbebenta ka ng laman. Pero sa akin, My, wala akong nararamdaman kung hindi respeto para sa'yo. Dahil alam ko ginagawa mo ang lahat ng iyon dahil sa amin."

Maluha-luhang tinitigan ako ng Nanay. "Mabuti kang bata, Saskia. Hindi mahalaga kung ano ang trabaho o ano ang tingin sa'yo ng mga tao. Sa'yo iikot ang mundo ng anak mo, ang mahalaga maging mabuti kang ina sa kanya."

Hinilig ko ang ulo ko sa balikat ni Nanay.