89: 𝚉𝚘𝚎𝚢
(TW: Suicide)
**Two years prior**
The air was cold.
But Nova couldn't feel it anymore.
The water though... The water was frigid. It filled every part of the young girl. Covered her body and dampened her clothes. She was freezing. She was dying.
She wondered if that's what it always felt like to die.
If every human felt the same thing.
Or did it depend on how they were dying? Did everyone feel so cold at the end?
How had her dad felt?
The thought absolutely haunted her. Did he feel pain? Hanging was supposed to be quick, sterile when it came too Japanese execution. But it still had to have hurt right? Even for a few moments. Before what?
That brought her back to her first question.
Did he feel cold?
Water filled her lungs and Nova felt her already fuzzy mind darken. It wouldn't be long now. It had stopped hurting. The cold was no longer burning her, it was simply that... Cold. And dark as well.
She hoped it would hurry up already.
It had been three years to the day since her father's execution. Around two since Nova had been in school, and six months since she had started living with Miss Karon. Her foster mom. If you could call her that.
Although it's not like Nova ever had an actual mom. Not one she remembered at least.
She wondered what her mom was like... What her little sister would have been like... If her little baby life hadn't been cut short.
Maybe she'd find out.
Soon.
She hoped it would hurry up already.
It was taking too long. She was getting scared. She didn't want to be scared. She didn't want to be alone. She missed them. She missed love. She missed her dad.
She hoped he hadn't felt like this at the end.
She knew it was silly. He had caused the death of several individuals. He was evil, at least that's what the world told her. Over and over again. He was evil. He deserved death. He deserved pain.
She didn't want him to feel pain.
That tender loving man. The man who tended to Nova. Who told her stories, hugged her close. Tucked her into bed at night and looked at her like she was the most precious thing in The world, he Spoiled her like she deserved it. He loved her.
Nova missed it.
She wanted to feel that again.
She wanted to hug him. She wanted him to tell her everything would be alright. She wanted him to kiss her forehead and protect her from the world.
As a kid she always wondered what the world was like outside of their house. Although they played in the woods and mountain around it all the time, Nova never saw civilization.
Now she understood why he had sheltered her.
The world was evil.
The world hated her And she hated it.
That's why she was leaving it.
Or trying to.
Darkness embraced her, and as the last small lights of the sun over the water of the river flickered and died she swore she heard it....
Joyful, deep and warm...
Her father's laugh, and the whisper of her name.
⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘
Air entered her lungs and with it came despair.
It hadn't worked? She had sworn it would, the jump, the cold water. The quick rapids. It was the cold embrace of death embodied in a watery form. One that should have been Nova's grave.
But there she was. On her side on the shore, rocks stabbing into her tender skin. She shivered, her chest ached. Like a weight had been pressed over and over into her rib cage.
She turned over, looking at the water again.. considering crawling back in... But it was so far away...
There was no way she had washed up on this river bed... She was slightly up hill. She couldn't remember what happened after everything went dark but...
Had someone saved her?
She sat up and coughed, but her throat felt dry. Dry in a way that burned. She was thirsty, hungry, sad...
Angry.
She had been so close... She had heard him. She wanted to go back. To die. To live with her real family, wherever they had ended up. She wasn't certain Itd be paradise. But she knew it would be better than this, as long as she could see her dad again.
She forced herself up. Genuinely considering just jumping back in...
But...
Someone had put all that effort into pulling her out. She could see the track in the dirt and rocks of the bank where she was dragged. It wouldn't be fair to jump in again so soon...
She could try again tomorrow.
⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘
Nova returned to the house her and Karon lived in. She hated it. She hated how quiet it was when Karon was gone. She hated how nerve wracking it was when she was there. Though the woman never did anything other than scold her, nova still feared her. Feared what would happen if she got on her bad side.
But when she opened the door and walked in she heard the tv playing. Karon didn't care for tv, though she did watch the news occasionally.
Even more odd was the fact that it sounded... kiddy? The program obviously wasn't one for adults. Nova walked in, to her surprise sitting in her living room...
Was a little girl.
She was hugging a pillow while staring up at the tv, eyes wide and entranced. Nova stared, why was there another kid here? Who was she? Was she lost?
"Kuryami. Kid. Come here."
Nova turned to see Karon at the kitchen table, going through some papers. She looked tired, pissed and just a little tipsy. A cigarette in her hands.
Nova, who was still slightly damp from her... swim. Walked over, shivering just a little.
"Where the hell have you been?" Karon whispered. "I had to tell the damn social worker you were at a play date, you're lucky they don't care much about what happens to you." Karon put out her cigarette. Smoke dancing around her fingers.
Her words didn't hurt much, nova was still numb from the cold.
"...Swimming." Nova said slowly, eyes drifting to the other kid. The little girl, who didn't seem older than six had turned her attention away from the tv. Her blue eyes stared at nova with interest. But she didn't move from her spot.
"In the fall? Damn it- don't do stupid shit." Karon sighed. "Listen, the kid is named Zoey. Her guardian died or something a few days ago. They needed a place to put her and for some dumbass reason I'm the only person they called who could take her. So she's your sister now or whatever, temporarily." The woman said before mumbling under her breath.
Nova slowly looked over at the girl, Zoey. Who didn't break the stare, but also didn't say a word.
Her guardian died....
Did they feel cold?
⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘
Zoey hadn't said much. So nova hid in her room... their room.
There was a pallet on the floor, nova didn't ask who it was for. Sitting on it without debate. She laid down and fell asleep. She didn't have much to do other than sleep, not now that school was out.
But she was woken up, just after sunset.
"Psst, sister... you awake?"
The whisper was accompanied by some quick tapping on Nova's back. Nova rolled over, peering up at the small blonde crouched down in front of her. She almost jumped when she saw her eyes staring at her.
"Hi! I'm zoey, are you sure you want the floor? I don't mind it." She whispered. Nova didn't say anything at first, was this the same little girl that stared at her earlier? Nova had thought she couldn't speak at all.
"I've never stayed somewhere with another kid before! I'm excited to have a sister... want the bed?" She repeated, tapping Nova again. "Also why did you go swimming? I don't know know how to swim, can you teach me?"
"I... don't either." Nova mumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. This was the first time some had ever said so much to her. So much that wasn't negative at least.
But unlike most of the times nova talked... she wasn't that nervous. Maybe it was because Zoey was so much younger, or maybe her smile put her at ease.
"Woah really? You must be brave then. Do you have any parents?" Zoey sat down next to nova on the floor.
Suddenly nova did feel nervous. Did Zoey know about Rikko?
"Uh... no. They both died." Nova said slowly, her voice hoarse from taking in too much water.
"Oh I'm sorry... that's sad... my aunt died, she was taking care of me because my mommy is in jail." Zoey said with a sympathetic frown.
Suddenly nova felt less nervous about her own parent. Zoey's mommy was a villain too? Maybe she wouldn't hate her after all...
"Oh... I'm sorry." Nova said, about both her mom and her aunt.
"No that's okay, mommy is gonna get out eventually and... we'll... my aunt was kinda mean." She whispered. "Sorry, is it bad to say bad things about the dead? I probably shouldn't since it wasn't that long ago... also did you know that pills can kill you? I thought medicine only made you feel better..."
Nova's eyes widened. "Is that how she died?"
Zoey nodded. "I think so, I heard the police talk about it before they took me away. I called them after she had been asleep for awhile... at first I thought it was just a nap, but then she just... never got up..." she trailed off, and while she didn't seem to care much about her aunt. She seemed to be upset all of a sudden. "Hey... can I sleep with you?"
"Me?" Nova whispered. "You want too?"
"Mhm, on the bed..." Zoey nodded, tugging nova's arm. "I like you, you're nice."
"You do?"
"Yes! I always wanted a sister... what's your name again?" Zoey asked as nova stood up.
"Nova... Kurayami..." Nova said quietly. She watched Zoey and waited for the reaction she usually got when she said her family name. None came.
"Cool! Hey That lady said your name meant bad things... how can a name mean anything? My name is Zoey Aphidet. Does that mean anything?" She asked, curling up in a blanket. Nova looked down at her, she didn't have the will of energy to explain why Karon said what she did about her name...
Zoey would figure out eventually.
For now Nova could... enjoy this feeling. The feeling of having someone who didn't hate her. The feeling of being there for someone else, while nova had never been in the role of a protector before... with Zoey curled up next to her, it felt right. Like it's what she was meant for...
It felt warm.
Maybe... Nova could wait just a little longer...
Before she tried again.
A/N: I'm not crying! you are! (We all are... right?)
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