112: 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜
Sleep didn't find Nova.
Even last into the night, when she was done with the dishes. She stayed in the kitchen. She didn't want to go back to her bed. So she leaned against her wall and stared forward.
Her mind replayed the day.
The stares at school, the whispers, the panic.
The ripped picture still in her pocket. It felt like she was mourning her father all over again. He was gone again. She was alone again.
Then her interaction with Botan. His hands on her. His lips on hers. Her fear. She felt disgusting. Dirty.
She never wanted to see him again. She had been right to not trust him. Now the idea of him made her want to hurl. She'd rather claw her own skin off than have him touch it again.
But... She had felt this way before.
It made her want to cry. She couldn't remember what happened. She recognized it but couldn't remember. It terrified her. How much from her childhood had she forgotten? What did her fear make her forget for her own sanity?
Therapy.
It was the same feeling she got in the hallway. When Aizawa suggested it. She wanted to cry, to run away and vomit. Why was the idea of therapy so disgusting to her?
How could she be so scarred and not remember why?
The sun slowly inched up. And as breakfast began, students entered the kitchen.
Nova hadn't slept a wink. The moment a student walked in she stood up and pushed passed them. She felt like she was asleep though. Walking like a zombie. Her brain filled with fog. She couldn't think. She was still dressed the same as yesterday, but she didn't really want to go to her room yet.
She was starving, but couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything.
Breakfast was ready, after that she had to go to school. Nova didn't want to go to school. She knew it would be the same as yesterday. Shoji was the only one she trusted there. The only one she trusted at all. The only one who really cared about her. The others didn't hate her as much but...
They weren't concerned over her.
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Breakfast didn't have taste. At least not one Nova could detect. She barely ate any either. Sitting in the corner of the room with empty grey eyes.
She went through the motions until they were dismissed... School... Now she had to go to school.
In the crowd someone bumped into her. She didn't feel it at first, she didn't feel anything. Too numb to notice. But the voice cut through her fog like a sharp knife.
"See you after school... Nova."
Botan whispered. Nova stepped back, their eyes meeting as he walked away. She couldn't read him, but his tone made her panic.
No.
No she couldn't do this. She couldn't see him after school, she couldn't survive school.
She wanted this to stop. Just stop. She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't.
She wanted it to stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
"Stop."
"Nova- Nova are you okay?"
Nova flinched as Shinsou put his hand on her shoulder. The room was clear except for them and those picking up dishes around them. Nova hadn't even realized everyone else had left.
"You were whispering to yourself..." Shinsou said, holding her shoulder gently. "What happened? Are you okay?"
"I'm... I'm fine..." Nova whispered. "I just didn't sleep good."
"I know what not getting good sleep looks like Nova... And this isn't it." Shinsou leaned closer to make sure she was actually looking at him. She wasn't, her eyes distant.
"I... I'm fine. It's nothing." Nova shook her head. Her expression blank. "I need to get ready..."
He didn't believe h r, but he relented anyways. "Alright... I'll get charged. We'll walk together... Right?" Shinsou said, slowly taking a step back.
"I... Sure. Thank you Shinsou." Nova nodded slowly, bringing her eyes back up to his face. Shinsou nodded.
"No problem."
As he took a step farther away Nova grabbed his hands suddenly. "I mean it. Thank you... For everything. If it weren't for you..." Nova trailed off she let go.
"What?" Shinsou asked. Nova shook her head.
"Nevermind. I don't know what I was gonna say." Nova shook her head. "I'll see you in a few minutes."
"... Alright." Shinsou said slowly. Watching Nova jog off. He was scared suddenly. For her. She was acting weird, off. Although Shinsou didn't know her that well, after all they only interacted a few times since middle school. But still he couldn't shake the feeling....
Something was very wrong.
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She should have expected to find something else. A present from Lucy.
Her school uniform blazer had several slices cut into it. Someone really needed to take away the girl's scissors.
Nova stared at it. Then put it on, then covered it with a jacket. She looked over at the other girls bed. Empty. She was probably already at school. That little voice crept up, begging her to destroy it all.
But she couldn't.
After all... Why would she?
Her and Lucy were in the same place. Lucy was like her, a fifteen year old. Maybe even younger than that. Abandoned by her parents and left in this dump. Maybe in the end Nova would be better off than her.
After all.... Lucy had to stay here.
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"Is everything alright?" Shinsou asked as Nova stopped and started checking her pockets.
They were getting close to the school. After riding the bus without much conversation.
"Shit..." Nova whispered, glancing over. "I forgot my phone at the bus stop back there." She pat her pocket.
The pocket that very much still had her phone in it. But Shinsou couldn't see that, not when she was wearing her jacket.
Shinsou checked the time. "We only have five minutes. We might be late but-"
"You go ahead. I can get it, besides I'm faster on my own." Nova said with a shy and nervous smile.
"Right..." Shinsou said slowly. That same feeling coming back again. He ignored it. The whole walk here Nova had been normal. Not like how she had been in the cafeteria.
Maybe she wasn't lying when she said she had just been tired.
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The bridge was fairly isolated.
It's what Shinsou meant earlier when he said he knew a faster way to the UA campus. It wasn't on the main road. But it was a shortcut to the bus stop.
No one would find her here.
It was the same as last time. A tall bridge. Rushing cold water below, covering large jagged rocks.
Same day.
This time she wouldn't go home afterwards. She wouldn't meet a little girl named Zoey. She wouldn't tell her she had just been swimming. Even though she didn't know how.
Zoey would be better off without Seeing Nova again at all. Nova brought nothing but destruction everywhere she went. She was followed by hatred and fear everywhere.
And She'll bring it to her grave.
Nova peeled off her jacket. Then her blazer. Then her button up. She only had a tanktop on. Her hidden tattoo on full display. She bundled them up and tossed them towards the woods. Someone might find them.
Hopefully it would be too late.
Nova could already imagine the headlines.
Nova Kurayami; found dead on the anniversary of her father's execution...
The cause?
Suicide.
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