Untitled Part 15
They had expected to have to comb Hermione's DailyProphet carefully next morning to find the article Percy hadmentioned in his letter. However, the departing delivery owlhad barely cleared the top of the milk jug when Hermionelet out a huge gasp and flattened the newspaper to reveal alarge photograph of Dolores Umbridge, smiling widely andblinking slowly at them from beneath the headline:
MINISTRY SEEKS EDUCATIONAL REFORMDOLORES UMBRIDGE APPOINTED FIRST-EVER"HIGH INQUISITOR"
"'High Inquisitor'?" said Harry darkly, his half-eaten bit oftoast slipping from his fingers. "What does that mean?"
Hermione read aloud:
"In a surprise move last night the Ministry of Magicpassed new legislation giving itself an unprecedented levelof control at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
" 'The Minister has been growing uneasy about goings-onat Hogwarts for some time,' said Junior Assistant to theMinister, Percy Weasley. 'He is now responding to concernsvoiced by anxious parents, who feel the school may bemoving in a direction they do not approve.'
"This is not the first time in recent weeks Fudge has usednew laws to effect improvements at the Wizarding school.As recently as August 30th Educational Decree Twenty-twowas passed, to ensure that, in the event of the currentheadmaster being unable to provide a candidate for ateaching post, the Ministry should select an appropriateperson.
" 'That's how Dolores Umbridge came to be appointed tothe teaching staff at Hogwarts,' said Weasley last night.'Dumbledore couldn't find anyone, so the Minister put inUmbridge and of course, she's been an immediate success—' "
"She's been a WHAT?" said Harry loudly
"Wait, there's more," said Hermione grimly.
" '— an immediate success, totally revolutionizing theteaching of Defense Against the Dark Arts and providingthe Minister with on-the-ground feedback about what'sreally happening at Hogwarts.'
"It is this last function that the Ministry has nowformalized with the passing of Educational Decree Twentythree, which creates the new position of 'Hogwarts HighInquisitor.'
" 'This is an exciting new phase in the Minister's plan toget to grips with what some are calling the "fallingstandards" at Hogwarts,' said Weasley. 'The Inquisitor willhave powers to inspect her fellow educators and make surethat they are coming up to scratch. Professor Umbridge hasbeen offered this position in addition to her own teachingpost, and we are delighted to say that she has accepted.
"The Ministry's new moves have received enthusiasticsupport from parents of students at Hogwarts.
" 'I feel much easier in my mind now that I know thatDumbledore is being subjected to fair and objectiveevaluation,' said Mr. Lucius Malfoy, 41, speaking from hisWiltshire mansion last night. 'Many of us with ourchildren's best interests at heart have been concernedabout some of Dumbledore's eccentric decisions in the lastfew years and will be glad to know that the Ministry iskeeping an eye on the situation.'
"Among those 'eccentric decisions' are undoubtedly thecontroversial staff appointments previously described inthis newspaper, which have included the hiring of werewolfRemus Lupin, half giant Rubeus Hagrid, and delusional exAuror 'Mad-Eye' Moody.
"Rumors abound, of course, that Albus Dumbledore, onceSupreme Mugwump of the International Confederation ofWizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, is no longerup to the task of managing the prestigious school ofHogwarts.
" 'I think the appointment of the Inquisitor is a first steptoward ensuring that Hogwarts has a headmaster in whomwe can all repose confidence,' said a Ministry insider lastnight.
"Wizengamot elders Griselda Marchbanks and TiberiusOgden have resigned in protest at the introduction of thepost of Inquisitor to Hogwarts.
" 'Hogwarts is a school, not an outpost of CorneliusFudge's office,' said Madam Marchbanks. 'This is a furtherdisgusting attempt to discredit Albus Dumbledore.' (For afull account of Madam Marchbanks' alleged links tosubversive goblin groups, turn to page 17)."
Hermione finished reading and looked across the table atthe other two.
"So now we know how we ended up with Umbridge!Fudge passed this 'Educational Decree' and forced her onus! And now he's given her the power to inspect otherteachers!" Hermione was breathing fast and her eyes werevery bright. "I can't believe this. It's outrageous. ..."
"I know it is," said Harry. He looked down at his righthand, clenched upon the tabletop, and saw the faint whiteoutline of the words Umbridge had forced him to cut intohis skin.
But a grin was unfurling on Ron's face.
"What?" said Harry and Hermione together, staring athim.
"Oh, I can't wait to see McGonagall inspected," said Ronhappily. "Umbridge won't know what's hit her."
"Well, come on," said Hermione, jumping up, "we'd betterget going, if she's inspecting Binns's class we don't want tobe late. ..."
But Professor Umbridge was not inspecting their Historyof Magic lesson, which was just as dull as the previousMonday, nor was she in Snape's dungeon when they arrivedfor double Potions, where Harry's moonstone essay washanded back to him with a large, spiky black D scrawled inan upper corner.
"I have awarded you the grades you would have receivedif you presented this work in your O.W.L," said Snape with asmirk, as he swept among them, passing back theirhomework. "This should give you a realistic idea of what toexpect in your examination."
Snape reached the front of the class and turned to facethem.
"The general standard of this homework was abysmal.Most of you would have failed had this been yourexamination. I expect to see a great deal more effort for thisweek's essay on the various varieties of venom antidotes, orI shall have to start handing out detentions to those dunceswho get D's."
He smirked as Malfoy sniggered and said in a carryingwhisper, "Some people got D's? Ha!"
Harry realized that Hermione was looking sideways to seewhat grade he had received; he slid his moonstone essayback into his bag as quickly as possible, feeling that hewould rather keep that information private.
Determined not to give Snape an excuse to fail him thislesson, Harry read and reread every line of the instructionson the blackboard at least three times before acting onthem. His Strengthening Solution was not precisely theclear turquoise shade of Hermione's but it was at least bluerather than pink, like Neville's, and he delivered a flask of itto Snape's desk at the end of the lesson with a feeling ofmingled defiance and relief.
"Well, that wasn't as bad as last week, was it?" saidHermione, as they climbed the steps out of the dungeonand made their way across the entrance hall toward lunch."And the homework didn't go too badly either, did it?"
When neither Ron nor Harry answered, she pressed on, "Imean, all right, I didn't expect the top grade, not if he'smarking to O.W.L. standard, but a pass is quite encouragingat this stage, wouldn't you say?"
Harry made a noncommittal noise in his throat.
"Of course, a lot can happen between now and the exam,we've got plenty of time to improve, but the grades we'regetting now are a sort of baseline, aren't they? Somethingwe can build on ..."
They sat down together at the Gryffindor table.
"Obviously, I'd have been thrilled if I'd gotten an O —"
"Hermione," said Ron sharply, "if you want to know whatgrades we got, ask."
"I don't — I didn't mean — well, if you want to tell me —"
"I got a P," said Ron, ladling soup into his bowl. "Happy?"
"Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of," said Fred, whohad just arrived at the table with George and Lee Jordanand was sitting down on Harry's right. "Nothing wrong witha good healthy P."
"But," said Hermione, "doesn't P stand for ..."
" 'Poor,' yeah," said Lee Jordan. "Still, better than D, isn'tit? 'Dreadful'?"
Harry felt his face grow warm and faked a small coughingfit over his roll. When he emerged from this he was sorry tofind that Hermione was still in full flow about O.W.L. grades.
"So top grade's O for 'Outstanding,' " she was saying,"and then there's A —"
"No, E," George corrected her, "E for 'ExceedsExpectations.' And I've always thought Fred and I should'vegot E in everything, because we exceeded expectations justby turning up for the exams."
They all laughed except Hermione, who plowed on, "Soafter E, it's A for 'Acceptable,' and that's the last passgrade, isn't it?"
"Yep," said Fred, dunking an entire roll in his soup,transferring it to his mouth, and swallowing it whole.
"Then you get P for 'Poor' " — Ron raised both his arms inmock celebration — "and D for 'Dreadful.' "
"And then T," George reminded him.
"T?" asked Hermione, looking appalled. "Even lower thana D? What on earth does that stand for?"
" 'Troll,' " said George promptly.
Harry laughed again, though he was not sure whether ornot George was joking. He imagined trying to conceal fromHermione that he had received T's in all his O.W.L.s andimmediately resolved to work harder from now on.
"You lot had an inspected lesson yet?" Fred asked them.
"No," said Hermione at once, "have you?"
"Just now, before lunch," said George. "Charms."
"What was it like?" Harry and Hermione asked together.Fred shrugged.
"Not that bad. Umbridge just lurked in the corner makingnotes on a clipboard. You know what Flitwick's like, hetreated her like a guest, didn't seem to bother him at all.She didn't say much. Asked Alicia a couple of questionsabout what the classes are normally like, Alicia told her theywere really good, that was it."
"I can't see old Flitwick getting marked down," saidGeorge, "he usually gets everyone through their exams allright."
"Who've you got this afternoon?" Fred asked Harry.
"Trelawney —"
"A T if ever I saw one —"
"— and Umbridge herself."
"Well, be a good boy and keep your temper withUmbridge today," said George. "Angelina'll do her nut if youmiss any more Quidditch practices."
But Harry did not have to wait for Defense Against theDark Arts to meet Professor Umbridge. He was pulling outhis dream diary in a seat at the very back of the shadowyDivination room when Ron elbowed him in the ribs and,looking round, he saw Professor Umbridge emergingthrough the trapdoor in the floor. The class, which had beentalking cheerily, fell silent at once. The abrupt fall in thenoise level made Professor Trelawney, who had beenwafting about handing out Dream Oracles, look round.
"Good afternoon, Professor Trelawney," said ProfessorUmbridge with her wide smile. "You received my note, Itrust? Giving the time and date of your inspection?"
Professor Trelawney nodded curtly and, looking verydisgruntled, turned her back on Professor Umbridge andcontinued to give out books. Still smiling, ProfessorUmbridge grasped the back of the nearest armchair andpulled it to the front of the class so that it was a few inchesbehind Professor Trelawney's seat. She then sat down, tookher clipboard from her flowery bag, and looked upexpectantly, waiting for the class to begin.
Professor Trelawney pulled her shawls tight about herwith slightly trembling hands and surveyed the classthrough her hugely magnifying lenses. "We shall becontinuing our study of prophetic dreams today," she said ina brave attempt at her usual mystic tones, though her voiceshook slightly. "Divide into pairs, please, and interpret eachother's latest nighttime visions with the aid of the Oracle."
She made as though to sweep back to her seat, sawProfessor Umbridge sitting right beside it, and immediatelyveered left toward Parvati and Lavender, who were alreadydeep in discussion about Parvati's most recent dream.
Harry opened his copy of The Dream Oracle, watchingUmbridge covertly. She was making notes on her clipboardnow. After a few minutes she got to her feet and began topace the room in Trelawney's wake, listening to herconversations with students and posing questions here andthere. Harry bent his head hurriedly over his book.
"Think of a dream, quick," he told Ron, "in case the oldtoad comes our way."
"I did it last time," Ron protested, "it's your turn, you tellme one."
"Oh, I dunno ..." said Harry desperately, who could notremember dreaming anything at all over the last few days."Let's say I dreamed I was ... drowning Snape in mycauldron. Yeah, that'll do. ..."
Ron chortled as he opened his Dream Oracle.
"Okay, we've got to add your age to the date you had thedream, the number of letters in the subject ... would that be'drowning' or 'cauldron' or 'Snape'?"
"It doesn't matter, pick any of them," said Harry, chancinga glance behind him. Professor Umbridge was now standingat Professor Trelawney's shoulder making notes while theDivination teacher questioned Neville about his dreamdiary.
"What night did you dream this again?" Ron said,immersed in calculations.
"I dunno, last night, whenever you like," Harry told him,trying to listen to what Umbridge was saying to ProfessorTrelawney. They were only a table away from him and Ronnow. Professor Umbridge was making another note on herclipboard and Professor Trelawney was looking extremelyput out.
"Now," said Umbridge, looking up at Trelawney, "you'vebeen in this post how long, exactly?"
Professor Trelawney scowled at her, arms crossed andshoulders hunched as though wishing to protect herself asmuch as possible from the indignity of the inspection. Aftera slight pause in which she seemed to decide that thequestion was not so offensive that she could reasonablyignore it, she said in a deeply resentful tone, "Nearlysixteen years."
"Quite a period," said Professor Umbridge, making a noteon her clipboard. "So it was Professor Dumbledore whoappointed you?"
"That's right," said Professor Trelawney shortly.
Professor Umbridge made another note.
"And you are a great-great-granddaughter of thecelebrated Seer Cassandra Trelawney?"
"Yes," said Professor Trelawney, holding her head a littlehigher.
Another note on the clipboard.
"But I think — correct me if I am mistaken — that you arethe first in your family since Cassandra to be possessed ofsecond sight?"
"These things often skip — er — three generations," saidProfessor Trelawney.
Professor Umbridge's toadlike smile widened.
"Of course," she said sweetly, making yet another note."Well, if you could just predict something for me, then?"
She looked up inquiringly, still smiling. ProfessorTrelawney had stiffened as though unable to believe herears.
"I don't understand you," said Professor Trelawney,clutching convulsively at the shawl around her scrawnyneck.
"I'd like you to make a prediction for me," said ProfessorUmbridge very clearly.
Harry and Ron were not the only people watching andlistening sneakily from behind their books now; most of theclass were staring transfixed at Professor Trelawney as shedrew herself up to her full height, her beads and banglesclinking.
"The Inner Eye does not See upon command!" she said inscandalized tones.
"I see," said Professor Umbridge softly, making yetanother note on her clipboard.
"I — but — but ... wait!" said Professor Trelawneysuddenly, in an attempt at her usual ethereal voice, thoughthe mystical effect was ruined somewhat by the way it wasshaking with anger. "I ... I think I do see something ...something that concerns you. ... Why, I sense something ...something dark ... some grave peril ..."
Professor Trelawney pointed a shaking finger at ProfessorUmbridge who continued to smile blandly at her, eyebrowsraised.
"I am afraid ... I am afraid that you are in grave danger!"Professor Trelawney finished dramatically.
There was a pause. Professor Umbridge's eyebrows werestill raised.
"Right," she said softly, scribbling on her clipboard oncemore. "Well, if that's really the best you can do ..."
She turned away, leaving Professor Trelawney standingrooted to the spot, her chest heaving. Harry caught Ron'seye and knew that Ron was thinking exactly the same as hewas: They both knew that Professor Trelawney was an oldfraud, but on the other hand, they loathed Umbridge somuch that they felt very much on Trelawney's side — untilshe swooped down on them a few seconds later, that was.
"Well?" she said, snapping her long fingers under Harry'snose, uncharacteristically brisk. "Let me see the startyou've made on your dream diary, please."
And by the time she had interpreted Harry's dreams atthe top of her voice (all of which, even the ones thatinvolved eating porridge, apparently foretold a gruesomeand early death), he was feeling much less sympathetictoward her. All the while, Professor Umbridge stood a fewfeet away, making notes on that clipboard, and when thebell rang she descended the silver ladder first so that shewas waiting for them all when they reached their DefenseAgainst the Dark Arts lesson ten minutes later.
She was humming and smiling to herself when theyentered the room. Harry and Ron told Hermione, who hadbeen in Arithmancy, exactly what had happened inDivination while they all took out their copies of DefensiveMagical Theory, but before Hermione could ask anyquestions Professor Umbridge had called them all to orderand silence fell.
"Wands away," she instructed them all smilingly, andthose people who had been hopeful enough to take themout sadly returned them to their bags. "As we finishedchapter one last lesson, I would like you all to turn to pagenineteen today and commence chapter two, 'CommonDefensive Theories and Their Derivation.' There will be noneed to talk."
Still smiling her wide, self-satisfied smile, she sat down ather desk. The class gave an audible sigh as it turned, asone, to page nineteen. Harry wondered dully whether therewere enough chapters in the book to keep them readingthrough all this year's lessons and was on the point ofchecking the contents when he noticed that Hermione hadher hand in the air again.
Professor Umbridge had noticed too, and what was more,she seemed to have worked out a strategy for just such aneventuality. Instead of trying to pretend she had not noticedHermione, she got to her feet and walked around the frontrow of desks until they were face-to-face, then she bentdown and whispered, so that the rest of the class could nothear, "What is it this time, Miss Granger?"
"I've already read chapter two," said Hermione.
"Well then, proceed to chapter three."
"I've read that too. I've read the whole book."
Professor Umbridge blinked but recovered her poisealmost instantly.
"Well, then, you should be able to tell me what Slinkhardsays about counterjinxes in chapter fifteen."
"He says that counterjinxes are improperly named," saidHermione promptly. "He says 'counterjinx' is just a namepeople give their jinxes when they want to make themsound more acceptable."
Professor Umbridge raised her eyebrows, and Harryknew she was impressed against her will.
"But I disagree," Hermione continued.
Professor Umbridge's eyebrows rose a little higher andher gaze became distinctly colder.
"You disagree?"
"Yes, I do," said Hermione, who, unlike Umbridge, wasnot whispering, but speaking in a clear, carrying voice thathad by now attracted the rest of the class's attention. "Mr.Slinkhard doesn't like jinxes, does he? But I think they canbe very useful when they're used defensively."
"Oh, you do, do you?" said Professor Umbridge, forgettingto whisper and straightening up. "Well, I'm afraid it is Mr.Slinkhard's opinion, and not yours, that matters within thisclassroom, Miss Granger."
"But —" Hermione began.
"That is enough," said Professor Umbridge. She walkedback to the front of the class and stood before them, all thejauntiness she had shown at the beginning of the lessongone. "Miss Granger, I am going to take five points fromGryffindor House."
There was an outbreak of muttering at this.
"What for?" said Harry angrily.
"Don't you get involved!" Hermione whispered urgently tohim.
"For disrupting my class with pointless interruptions,"said Professor Umbridge smoothly. "I am here to teach youusing a Ministry-approved method that does not includeinviting students to give their opinions on matters aboutwhich they understand very little. Your previous teachers inthis subject may have allowed you more license, but as noneof them — with the possible exception of Professor Quirrell,who did at least appear to have restricted himself to ageappropriate subjects — would have passed a Ministryinspection —"
"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher," said Harry loudly,"there was just that minor drawback of him having LordVoldemort sticking out of the back of his head."
This pronouncement was followed by one of the loudestsilences Harry had ever heard. Then —
"I think another week's detentions would do you somegood, Mr. Potter," said Umbridge sleekly.
* * *
The cut on the back of Harry's hand had barely healedand by the following morning, it was bleeding again. He didnot complain during the evening's detention; he wasdetermined not to give Umbridge the satisfaction; over andover again he wrote I must not tell lies and not a soundescaped his lips, though the cut deepened with every letter.
The very worst part of this second week's worth ofdetentions was, just as George had predicted, Angelina'sreaction. She cornered him just as he arrived at theGryffindor table for breakfast on Tuesday and shouted soloudly that Professor McGonagall came sweeping downupon the pair of them from the staff table.
"Miss Johnson, how dare you make such a racket in theGreat Hall! Five points from Gryffindor!"
"But Professor — he's gone and landed himself indetention again —"
"What's this, Potter?" said Professor McGonagall sharply,rounding on Harry. "Detention? From whom?"
"From Professor Umbridge," muttered Harry, not meetingProfessor McGonagall's beady, square-framed eyes.
"Are you telling me," she said, lowering her voice so thatthe group of curious Ravenclaws behind them could nothear, "that after the warning I gave you last Monday youlost your temper in Professor Umbridge's class again?"
"Yes," Harry muttered, speaking to the floor.
"Potter, you must get a grip on yourself! You are headingfor serious trouble! Another five points from Gryffindor!"
"But — what? Professor, no!" Harry said, furious at thisinjustice. "I'm already being punished by her, why do youhave to take points as well?"
"Because detentions do not appear to have any effect onyou whatsoever!" said Professor McGonagall tartly. "No, notanother word of complaint, Potter! And as for you, MissJohnson, you will confine your shouting matches to theQuidditch pitch in future or risk losing the team Captaincy!"
She strode back toward the staff table. Angelina gaveHarry a look of deepest disgust and stalked away, uponwhich Harry flung himself onto the bench beside Ron,fuming.
"She's taken points off Gryffindor because I'm having myhand sliced open every night! How is that fair, how?"
"I know, mate," said Ron sympathetically, tipping bacononto Harry's plate, "she's bang out of order."
Hermione, however, merely rustled the pages of her DailyProphet and said nothing.
"You think McGonagall was right, do you?" said Harryangrily to the picture of Cornelius Fudge obscuringHermione's face.
"I wish she hadn't taken points from you, but I think she'sright to warn you not to lose your temper with Umbridge,"said Hermione's voice, while Fudge gesticulated forcefullyfrom the front page, clearly giving some kind of speech.
Harry did not speak to Hermione all through Charms, butwhen they entered Transfiguration he forgot his anger;Professor Umbridge and her clipboard were sitting in acorner and the sight of her drove the memory of breakfastright out of his head.
"Excellent," whispered Ron, as they sat down in theirusual seats. "Let's see Umbridge get what she deserves."
Professor McGonagall marched into the room withoutgiving the slightest indication that she knew ProfessorUmbridge was there.
"That will do," she said and silence fell immediately. "Mr.Finnigan, kindly come here and hand back the homework —Miss Brown, please take this box of mice — don't be silly,girl, they won't hurt you — and hand one to each student—"
"Hem, hem," said Professor Umbridge, employing thesame silly little cough she had used to interruptDumbledore on the first night of term. ProfessorMcGonagall ignored her. Seamus handed back Harry'sessay; Harry took it without looking at him and saw, to hisrelief, that he had managed an A.
"Right then, everyone, listen closely — Dean Thomas, ifyou do that to the mouse again I shall put you in detention— most of you have now successfully vanished your snailsand even those who were left with a certain amount of shellhave the gist of the spell. Today we shall be —"
"Hem, hem," said Professor Umbridge.
"Yes?" said Professor McGonagall, turning round, hereyebrows so close together they seemed to form one long,severe line.
"I was just wondering, Professor, whether you receivedmy note telling you of the date and time of your inspec —"
"Obviously I received it, or I would have asked you whatyou are doing in my classroom," said Professor McGonagall,turning her back firmly on Professor Umbridge. Many of thestudents exchanged looks of glee. "As I was saying, todaywe shall be practicing the altogether more difficultvanishment of mice. Now, the Vanishing Spell —"
"Hem, hem."
"I wonder," said Professor McGonagall in cold fury,turning on Professor Umbridge, "how you expect to gain anidea of my usual teaching methods if you continue tointerrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people totalk when I am talking."
Professor Umbridge looked as though she had just beenslapped in the face. She did not speak, but straightened theparchment on her clipboard and began scribbling furiously.Looking supremely unconcerned, Professor McGonagalladdressed the class once more.
"As I was saying, the Vanishing Spell becomes moredifficult with the complexity of the animal to be vanished.The snail, as an invertebrate, does not present much of achallenge; the mouse, as a mammal, offers a much greaterone. This is not, therefore, magic you can accomplish withyour mind on your dinner. So — you know the incantation,let me see what you can do. ..."
"How she can lecture me about not losing my temper withUmbridge!" Harry said to Ron under his voice, but he wasgrinning; his anger with Professor McGonagall had quiteevaporated.
Professor Umbridge did not follow Professor McGonagallaround the class as she had followed Professor Trelawney;perhaps she thought that Professor McGonagall would notpermit it. She did, however, take many more notes whileshe sat in her corner, and when Professor McGonagallfinally told them all to pack away, rose with a grimexpression on her face.
"Well, it's a start," said Ron, holding up a long, wrigglingmouse tail and dropping it back into the box Lavender waspassing around.
As they filed out of the classroom, Harry saw ProfessorUmbridge approach the teacher's desk; he nudged Ron,who nudged Hermione in turn, and the three of themdeliberately fell back to eavesdrop.
"How long have you been teaching at Hogwarts?"Professor Umbridge asked.
"Thirty-nine years this December," said ProfessorMcGonagall brusquely, snapping her bag shut.
Professor Umbridge made a note.
"Very well," she said, "you will receive the results of yourinspection in ten days' time."
"I can hardly wait," said Professor McGonagall in a coldlyindifferent voice, and she strode off toward the door. "Hurryup, you three," she added, sweeping Harry, Ron, andHermione before her. Harry could not help giving her afaint smile and could have sworn he received one in return.
He had thought that the next time he would seeUmbridge would be in his detention that evening, but hewas wrong. When they walked down the lawns toward theforest for Care of Magical Creatures, they found her andher clipboard waiting for them beside Professor GrubblyPlank.
"You do not usually take this class, is that correct?" Harryheard her ask as they arrived at the trestle table where thegroup of captive bowtruckles were scrabbling around forwood lice like so many living twigs.
"Quite correct," said Professor Grubbly-Plank, handsbehind her back and bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I ama substitute teacher standing in for Professor Hagrid."
Harry exchanged uneasy looks with Ron and Hermione.Malfoy was whispering with Crabbe and Goyle; he wouldsurely love this opportunity to tell tales on Hagrid to amember of the Ministry.
"Hmm," said Professor Umbridge, dropping her voice,though Harry could still hear her quite clearly, "I wonder —the headmaster seems strangely reluctant to give me anyinformation on the matter — can you tell me what is causingProfessor Hagrid's very extended leave of absence?"
Harry saw Malfoy look up eagerly.
" 'Fraid I can't," said Professor Grubbly-Plank breezily."Don't know anything more about it than you do. Got an owlfrom Dumbledore, would I like a couple of weeks teachingwork, accepted — that's as much as I know. Well ... shall Iget started then?"
"Yes, please do," said Professor Umbridge, scribblingupon her clipboard.
Umbridge took a different tack in this class and wanderedamong the students, questioning them on magicalcreatures. Most people were able to answer well andHarry's spirits lifted somewhat; at least the class was notletting Hagrid down.
"Overall," said Professor Umbridge, returning toProfessor Grubbly-Plank's side after a lengthy interrogationof Dean Thomas, "how do you, as a temporary member ofstaff — an objective outsider, I suppose you might say —how do you find Hogwarts? Do you feel you receive enoughsupport from the school management?"
"Oh, yes, Dumbledore's excellent," said ProfessorGrubbly-Plank heartily. "No, I'm very happy with the waythings are run, very happy indeed."
Looking politely incredulous, Umbridge made a tiny noteon her clipboard and went on, "And what are you planningto cover with this class this year — assuming, of course, thatProfessor Hagrid does not return?"
"Oh, I'll take them through the creatures that most oftencome up in O.W.L.," said Professor Grubbly-Plank. "Notmuch left to do — they've studied unicorns and nifflers, Ithought we'd cover porlocks and kneazles, make sure theycan recognize crups and knarls, you know. ..."
"Well, you seem to know what you're doing, at any rate,"said Professor Umbridge, making a very obvious tick on herclipboard. Harry did not like the emphasis she put on "you"and liked it even less when she put her next question toGoyle: "Now, I hear there have been injuries in this class?"
Goyle gave a stupid grin. Malfoy hastened to answer thequestion.
"That was me," he said. "I was slashed by a hippogriff."
"A hippogriff?" said Professor Umbridge, now scribblingfrantically.
"Only because he was too stupid to listen to what Hagridtold him to do," said Harry angrily.
Both Ron and Hermione groaned. Professor Umbridgeturned her head slowly in Harry's direction.
"Another night's detention, I think," she said softly. "Well,thank you very much, Professor Grubbly-Plank, I thinkthat's all I need here. You will be receiving the results ofyour inspection within ten days."
"Jolly good," said Professor Grubbly-Plank, and ProfessorUmbridge set off back across the lawn to the castle.
* * *
It was nearly midnight when Harry left Umbridge's officethat night, his hand now bleeding so severely that it wasstaining the scarf he had wrapped around it. He expectedthe common room to be empty when he returned, but Ronand Hermione had sat up waiting for him. He was pleasedto see them, especially as Hermione was disposed to besympathetic rather than critical.
"Here," she said anxiously, pushing a small bowl of yellowliquid toward him, "soak your hand in that, it's a solution ofstrained and pickled murtlap tentacles, it should help."
Harry placed his bleeding, aching hand into the bowl andexperienced a wonderful feeling of relief. Crookshankscurled around his legs, purring loudly, and then leapt intohis lap and settled down.
"Thanks," he said gratefully, scratching behindCrookshanks's ears with his left hand.
"I still reckon you should complain about this," said Ron ina low voice.
"No," said Harry flatly.
"McGonagall would go nuts if she knew —"
"Yeah, she probably would," said Harry. "And how longd'you reckon it'd take Umbridge to pass another Decreesaying anyone who complains about the High Inquisitorgets sacked immediately?"
Ron opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out andafter a moment he closed it again in a defeated sort of way.
"She's an awful woman," said Hermione in a small voice."Awful. You know, I was just saying to Ron when you camein ... we've got to do something about her."
"I suggested poison," said Ron grimly.
"No ... I mean, something about what a dreadful teachershe is, and how we're not going to learn any defense fromher at all," said Hermione.
"Well, what can we do about that?" said Ron, yawning. "'S too late, isn't it? She got the job, she's here to stay,Fudge'll make sure of that."
"Well," said Hermione tentatively. "You know, I wasthinking today. ..." She shot a slightly nervous look at Harryand then plunged on, "I was thinking that — maybe thetime's come when we should just — just do it ourselves."
"Do what ourselves?" said Harry suspiciously, still floatinghis hand in the essence of murtlap tentacles.
"Well — learn Defense Against the Dark Arts ourselves,"said Hermione.
"Come off it," groaned Ron. "You want us to do extrawork? D'you realize Harry and I are behind on homeworkagain and it's only the second week?"
"But this is much more important than homework!" saidHermione.
Harry and Ron goggled at her.
"I didn't think there was anything in the universe moreimportant than homework," said Ron.
"Don't be silly, of course there is!" said Hermione, andHarry saw, with an ominous feeling, that her face wassuddenly alight with the kind of fervor that S.P.E.W. usuallyinspired in her. "It's about preparing ourselves, like Harrysaid in Umbridge's first lesson, for what's waiting out there.It's about making sure we really can defend ourselves. If wedon't learn anything for a whole year —"
"We can't do much by ourselves," said Ron in a defeatedvoice. "I mean, all right, we can go and look jinxes up in thelibrary and try and practice them, I suppose —"
"No, I agree, we've gone past the stage where we can justlearn things out of books," said Hermione. "We need ateacher, a proper one, who can show us how to use thespells and correct us if we're going wrong."
"If you're talking about Lupin ..." Harry began.
"No, no, I'm not talking about Lupin," said Hermione."He's too busy with the Order and anyway, the most wecould see him is during Hogsmeade weekends and that'snot nearly often enough."
"Who, then?" said Harry, frowning at her.
Hermione heaved a very deep sigh.
"Isn't it obvious?" she said. "I'm talking about you, Harry."
There was a moment's silence. A light night breezerattled the windowpanes behind Ron and the fire guttered.
"About me what?" said Harry.
"I'm talking about you teaching us Defense Against theDark Arts."
Harry stared at her. Then he turned to Ron, ready toexchange the exasperated looks they sometimes sharedwhen Hermione elaborated on far-fetched schemes likeS.P.E.W. To Harry's consternation, however, Ron did not lookexasperated. He was frowning slightly, apparently thinking.Then he said, "That's an idea."
"What's an idea?" said Harry.
"You," said Ron. "Teaching us to do it."
"But ..."
Harry was grinning now, sure the pair of them werepulling his leg.
"But I'm not a teacher, I can't —"
"Harry, you're the best in the year at Defense Against theDark Arts," said Hermione.
"Me?" said Harry, now grinning more broadly than ever."No I'm not, you've beaten me in every test —"
"Actually, I haven't," said Hermione coolly. "You beat me inour third year — the only year we both sat the test and hada teacher who actually knew the subject. But I'm not talkingabout test results, Harry. Look what you've done!"
"How d'you mean?"
"You know what, I'm not sure I want someone this stupidteaching me," Ron said to Hermione, smirking slightly. Heturned to Harry. "Let's think," he said, pulling a face likeGoyle concentrating. "Uh ... first year — you saved theStone from You-Know-Who."
"But that was luck," said Harry, "that wasn't skill —"
"Second year," Ron interrupted, "you killed the basiliskand destroyed Riddle."
"Yeah, but if Fawkes hadn't turned up I —"
"Third year," said Ron, louder still, "you fought off about ahundred dementors at once —"
"You know that was a fluke, if the Time-Turner hadn't —"
"Last year," Ron said, almost shouting now, "you fought offYou-Know-Who again —"
"Listen to me!" said Harry, almost angrily, because Ronand Hermione were both smirking now. "Just listen to me,all right? It sounds great when you say it like that, but allthat stuff was luck — I didn't know what I was doing halfthe time, I didn't plan any of it, I just did whatever I couldthink of, and I nearly always had help —"
Ron and Hermione were still smirking and Harry felt histemper rise; he wasn't even sure why he was feeling soangry.
"Don't sit there grinning like you know better than I do, Iwas there, wasn't I?" he said heatedly. "I know what wenton, all right? And I didn't get through any of that because Iwas brilliant at Defense Against the Dark Arts, I gotthrough it all because — because help came at the righttime, or because I guessed right — but I just blunderedthrough it all, I didn't have a clue what I was doing — STOPLAUGHING!"
The bowl of murtlap essence fell to the floor and smashed.He became aware that he was on his feet, though hecouldn't remember standing up. Crookshanks streakedaway under a sofa; Ron and Hermione's smiles hadvanished.
"You don't know what it's like! You — neither of you —you've never had to face him, have you? You think it's justmemorizing a bunch of spells and throwing them at him,like you're in class or something? The whole time you knowthere's nothing between you and dying except your own —your own brain or guts or whatever — like you can thinkstraight when you know you're about a second from beingmurdered, or tortured, or watching your friends die —they've never taught us that in their classes, what it's like todeal with things like that — and you two sit there acting likeI'm a clever little boy to be standing here, alive, likeDiggory was stupid, like he messed up — you just don't getit, that could just as easily have been me, it would havebeen if Voldemort hadn't needed me —"
"We weren't saying anything like that, mate," said Ron,looking aghast. "We weren't having a go at Diggory, wedidn't — you've got the wrong end of the —"
He looked helplessly at Hermione, whose face wasstricken.
"Harry," she said timidly, "don't you see? This ... this isexactly why we need you. ... We need to know what it's rreally like ... facing him ... facing V-Voldemort."
It was the first time she had ever said Voldemort's name,and it was this, more than anything else, that calmed Harry.Still breathing hard, he sank back into his chair, becomingaware as he did so that his hand was throbbing horriblyagain. He wished he had not smashed the bowl of murtlapessence.
"Well ... think about it," said Hermione quietly. "Please?"
Harry could not think of anything to say. He was feelingashamed of his outburst already. He nodded, hardly awareof what he was agreeing to.
Hermione stood up.
"Well, I'm off to bed," she said in a voice that was clearlyas natural as she could make it. "Erm ... 'night."
Ron had gotten to his feet too.
"Coming?" he said awkwardly to Harry.
"Yeah," said Harry. "In ... in a minute. I'll just clear thisup."
He indicated the smashed bowl on the floor. Ron noddedand left.
"Reparo," Harry muttered, pointing his wand at thebroken pieces of china. They flew back together, good asnew, but there was no returning the murtlap essence to thebowl.
He was suddenly so tired that he was tempted to sinkback into his armchair and sleep there, but instead he gotto his feet and followed Ron upstairs. His restless night waspunctuated once more by dreams of long corridors andlockeddoors,andheawokenextdaywithhisscarpricklingagain.
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