Chapter 5
Chapter 5
I was feeling down until the end of the day. I was in my room, already wearing my pajamas and ready to go to sleep, but I couldn't do so. Hindi ko na rin mabilang kung ilang beses na akong nagpakawala ng buntonghininga.
The sadness was so overwhelming na kahit ang pagtulog ay hindi ko magawa. I just couldn't take my mind off what happened earlier. Sinusubukan kong kalimutan, pakiramdam ko kasi ay maiiyak ako anytime, pero ayaw talaga mawala sa isip ko 'yon.
I finally got to kiss North! He didn't push me away nor refuse my kiss. I was so happy thinking that North might really have feelings for me until Kuya Zoren ruined my day.
Ilang beses ko ring sinubukang sabihin sa sarili ko na he might be wrong. But that was Kuya Zoren. He was North's best friend.
Sighing for the nth time, I decided to Facetime Andrea. I wanted someone to talk to about what happened earlier.
"Ry? Anong mayro'n?" bungad niya agad pagkasagot ng tawag. It was funny. Alam na alam niyang may nangyari dahil tumawag ako nang ganitong oras, but I was feeling so down to even laugh right now.
I sighed. "It's just...it's about North."
"Sabi na e." She even snapped her fingers when she said that. Napasimangot ako. "Oh? Ano na namang nangyari this time? Mukhang hindi maganda base sa pagkakabusangot ng mukha mo."
I slightly pouted. "I kissed North."
Tiningnan ko si Andrea but she didn't say anything. I frowned. Was my connection shaky? She wasn't even moving.
When she blinked, I confirmed that she just wasn't moving. Baka siguro nagulat lang sa sinabi ko kaya hindi nakapag-react agad.
"What?" she asked. Hindi niya narinig?
"I kissed North," ulit ko. She blinked again and I realized that she heard me the first time. Nagulat lang yata talaga.
"Nananaginip ka ba, Rylee?"
Napasimangot ako. What? She thought I was dreaming right now?
"I'm telling the truth, Andrea! I kissed North earlier! And he didn't even push me away!" I frustratedly combed my hair using my fingers but the strands fell back down to my face.
Tinitigan ako ni Andrea at walang kahit na anong sinabi. Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang frustration. What I needed was a friend that I could talk to, and not someone who'd doubt my words!
Andrea sighed. Mukhang nakita niya ang pagiging frustrated ko at ang katotohanan sa sinabi ko. We'd been friends forever. Of course she knew whether I was telling the truth or not!
"E bakit mukhang hindi ka masaya?" she asked.
Bumalik ang dahilan kung bakit ako malungkot ngayon sa isip ko dahil sa naging tanong niya. How could I be happy after what Kuya Zoren said?
"North has a girlfriend." Mas lalo pang dumoble ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon.
"Huh?!" Andrea exclaimed. Mukha pa siyang takang-taka. "Are you sure he has a girlfriend?"
Umiling ako. "I don't know...pero si kuya kasi ang nagsabi..." Halos umiyak na 'ko ro'n.
Hindi nagsalita si Andrea. Wala na siyang masabi para pagaanin ang loob ko. She knew that if Kuya Zoren said so, then it must have been true. After all, si Kuya Zoren ang madalas na nakakasama ni North. Siya ang mas nakakaalam ng mga nangyayari sa buhay ni North kaysa sa akin.
Mas okay sana kung hindi si Kuya Zoren ang nagsabi sa 'kin talaga. I mean, it hurt so bad hearing that news from my own brother. Lalo pa at alam kong totoo kapag galing sa kanya.
He never liked North for me. Ilang beses niyang sinabi sa akin na tigilan ko na ang nararamdaman ko para kay North, but I knew that he wouldn't do this just to stop me from having feelings for his best friend. Kuya wouldn't hurt me over some lies para lang tigilan ko na si North.
He just didn't want to hurt me anymore, kaya kahit na alam niyang masasaktan ako, sinabi niya pa rin ang totoo sa akin.
"Sino raw 'yung girlfriend?" tanong ni Andrea bago pa ako maiyak.
"Remember that med student we always saw with him back in university?"
"The one called Mia?"
I bit my lower lip and nodded. Hindi ko kayang kumpirmahin iyon sa kanya. Hindi ko kayang sabihin na may girlfriend si North kung hindi lang rin naman ako 'yon!
"Figured. Halata namang may gusto yung Mia na 'yon kay North noon pa lang." Andrea sighed.
Mas lalo lang akong nanlumo dahil doon. I knew it too! Kaya ko yatang isa-isahin ang mga babaeng nagkakagusto kay North noon at isa na ang Mia na 'yon!
Bakit gano'n? Gusto ko rin naman si North, ah? But why couldn't he fall in love with me?
"Pa'no na 'yan, Ry? You'll finally stop now that North has a girlfriend?"
Mabilis akong umiling. "No! I love him! After all those years of loving and chasing after him, you really think that I can just stop my feelings for him?"
Mukha siyang nagulat sa sinabi ko. "May girlfriend na 'yung tao, Ry!"
"E ano yung nangyari kanina? I kissed him, Andrea! Pero hindi siya tumanggi! Hindi niya ako tinulak or pinigilan! He accepted my kiss!"
Andrea heaved a deep breath. Mukhang pinapakalma niya ang sarili para hindi ako masigawan. I knew I was being ridiculous pero masama bang umasa na mahal ako ng mahal ko?
"Rylee, listen." Andrea even used both of her hands like she was going to give me a lecture. "Maybe he didn't refuse your kiss 'cause he still respects you. Baka naisip niya na mapapahiya ka lang kapag tumanggi siya at ayaw niyang mapahiya ka. And maybe he didn't push you away 'cause he respects your brother. Ayaw niyang masira ang pagkakaibigan nila ng kuya mo kapag sinaktan ka niya."
My eyes started to water. What the heck...I was just planning to talk to Andrea about what happened earlier. I literally had no plans of crying at all!
But she had a point. I could see it, but my heart wouldn't accept it. Nandoon pa rin ang kaunting pag-asa sa akin na baka nga may nararamdaman din si North para sa akin and all of this was just a misunderstanding.
"Bakit dati?" I tried so hard not to cry. "Back then. It was one of those time na, quote unquote, 'naligaw' ako sa college department. North saw me! Makikita na dapat ako ng ibang college student's no'n but he hid me from them using his body and told them to give us privacy 'cause he was talking to his girlfriend! At ako 'yon! And Mia was there with those students that time!"
Mangiyak-ngiyak na ako roon at halos tumulo na ang mga luha. That was my last straw. Pinanghawakan ko ang nangyaring iyon nang sobrang tagal 'cause even if it was just a brief moment, I got to experience being North's girlfriend. At iyon na lang ang pag-asa ko ngayon para paniwalain ang sarili ko na hindi girlfriend ni North si Mia.
'Cause if North liked Mia even back then, no matter how much he wanted to save me para hindi ako mapahamak sa pagpunta ko sa college department, he would never introduce me as his girlfriend to the girl he liked.
Dinig ko ang pagbuntonghininga ni Andrea. Kita ko ang pagkaawa sa mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin. And I knew that whatever she'd say would hurt me badly.
"He said that you're he's girlfriend just to drive those girls away. Para hindi ka mapagalitan ng mom mo or ng guidance dahil mali ang magpunta ka sa college department," marahan na sabi sa akin ni Andrea na parang sinusubukang huwag akong masaktan. But no matter how soft she said those words to me, it felt like a knife was pierced in my chest. "And Rylee...that was a long time ago. Anong laban niyang nangyari, na ilang taon na ang lumipas, kumpara sa ngayon?"
Hindi ako nagsalita. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay tuluyan na akong maiiyak kapag nagsalita pa ako. Tumungo lang ako at nag-concentrate sa pagpipigil ng luha ko. Ayokong umiyak ngayon.
"Don't you think it's about time you forget your feelings for him?"
Napaangat kaagad ang tingin ko dahil kay Andrea at tiningnan siya. I stared at her. I heard what she just said but my mind refused to process it.
"Rylee...ilang taon na ang nasayang mo sa kanya. Ilang manliligaw ang tinanggihan mo dahil kay North ka lang naka-focus. But he has a girlfriend now...you should stop."
"Kaibigan ba talaga kita?" may hinanakit kong tanong sa kanya.
She flashed me a sad smile.
"Yes. Kaibigan mo 'ko, Ry, that's why I'm telling these things to you. Ayoko kitang paasahin. Dahil the more na umaasa ka sa isang bagay na alam mong wala na, the more na masasaktan ka lang in the end." She sighed. "You and North are opposite poles. He's North Pole while you're the South Pole."
"But opposites attract." My voice cracks.
Andrea looked sadly at me. "It's not good being optimistic all the time, Ry. You should know when to let go."
Mabilis kong pinunasan ang isang butil ng luha na nakatakas sa mata ko. I didn't say anything. Tahimik lang ako without any idea if I should accept what Andrea told me or if I should keep hoping for North.
No...ayoko. I refused to do so. Girlfriend niya pa lang naman. It wasn't even confirmed yet! I loved him ever since before! Hinabol ko siya, ginawa ko ang lahat para makita niya ako bilang babae and not just some little sister lang! I won't stop now.
Saka na ako susuko, kapag alam kong naibigay ko na ang lahat.
"Rylee, anak?"
My head turned towards to the closed door of my room. My mom's voice was faint but I could surely tell that she just called me.
"Ano 'yun?" Andrea asked. Mabilis kasi akong napalingon sa may pintuan kaya siguro nahalata niyang may iba.
I looked at her. "I think mom's calling me."
"Bakit daw?"
I shrugged as I tried to dry the tears in my eyes with my hands. "I don't know."
"Puntahan mo kaya? Baka urgent."
I nodded. "Thank you sa time, Andrea."
She nodded and smiled back at me. "Nandito lang ako, okay?"
I nodded at her and said my goodbyes before I ended the call. Pinatay ko ang laptop ko bago lumabasa ng kwarto and heard my mom calling me again. Her voice was coming from downstairs.
Bumaba ako at nagulat sa nadatnan ko sa sala. Both North and Kuya Zoren were sitting down on the couch, parang nakahiga na rin as their heads were resting on the backrest. They were slouching para mas makasandal pa. It was obvious that they were both drunk.
"What happened, Mom?" Lumapit ako kay mom na nakatayo sa harapan ng dalawa.
"I don't know! Dumating na lang 'tong dalawang 'to na lasing na," my mom said. She sounded frustrated.
I stared at the two men in front of me, particularly at North. He was still wearing that suit from earlier, pero wala na ang necktie sa leeg at ang puting inner ay nakabukas na ang unang dalawang butones, giving me a glimpse of that gold chain necklace on his neck.
His eyes were closed pero magkasalubong ang dalawang mga kilay. Magulo rin ang buhok niya but it just added to his handsomeness.
Gosh...ano ba? Mas lalo lang akong nai-in love sa kanya, e.
"We can't send home North like this, Mom." Tumingin pa ako kay mommy at nakita ko agad ang pagtango niya.
"He can sleep here. Just let him use the guest room."
Napangiti ako roon. It wasn't unusual naman kung dito matutulog si North, and since he was a friend of family plus the fact that he was Kuya Zoren's best friend, nakakapunta at pwede rin siyang matulog dito sa bahay kung kailan niya gustuhin.
Kuya said something and mom and I both looked at him. But his eyes were closed. It was probably his drunk talk.
I looked at my mom. "Ako na bahala kay North, Mom. Asikasuhin mo na lang po si kuya."
My mom frowned. "Are you sure? We can ask the maids —"
Mabilis akong umiling. Like I'd let anyone touch North in this state.
"Just ask them to prepare the guest room for North na lang, Mom. Ako na po bahala sa kanya."
My mom stared at me, looking suspicious. Nginitian ko na lang siya. She sighed and nodded and went to call the maids.
Tiningnan ko si North na nasa gano'n pa ring pwesto. Kahit lasing, ang gwapo-gwapo niya pa rin. Funny how I wanted those dark eyes to look at me coldly instead now that his eyes were closed.
Kuya Zoren mumbled something again kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. Bumalik na si mommy at nakita ko ang pag-akyat ng maid na mag-aayos siguro ng guest room na tutulugan ni North.
"We'll have to take them upstairs," mom said. Tinanguan ko siya at napakunot ang noo niya. "Mahihirapan ka, Rylee."
I shook my head. "It's okay, Mom. Kaibigan ko rin naman si North." And I loved him as well, Mom.
Napabuntonghininga na lang si mommy at sinubukang alalayan na si Kuya Zoren na nagsalita na naman ng kung ano-ano. I tried to take North too. I put his arm around my shoulders while I wrapped one of my arms around his waist to support him. He stirred in his sleep pero hindi naman dumilat ang mga mata.
He was so near. This was one of those rare times where I got to be near him. I could smell the scent of his manly cologne mixed with whatever alcohol he drank. And I didn't know that even this scent made him attractive.
"North...North, wake up." I shook him a bit. "We have to go upstairs. Hindi pwedeng dito ka sa couch matulog."
"Hmm..."
Sinubukan kong hilahin siya patayo but gosh...he was so heavy! Muntik pa akong matumba at madaganan niya nang mapabalik kami sa pagkakaupo sa couch!
"Rylee, let the maids take care of him," my mom said when she saw what happened. Naitayo na niya si kuya but she seems to struggling as well.
Umiling ako at muling sinubukan na itayo si North. I had to do this this time. Baka kapag nakita ni mommy na nahihirapan ako ay sa maid niya na talaga ipaalaga si North kahit ano pang tanggi ko.
Struggling, I stood up, taking North with me. I did it successfully this time and it seemed like North was supporting himself as well kaya napatingin ako sa kanya.
He was slowly opening his eyes. It was only half-opened when he looked at me. My heart hammered against my chest when he drunkenly looked at me.
"Rylee..."
"North..." I breathe. "We have to go upstairs. I can't carry you so try to walk, okay?"
Tumango siya pero napapikit naman. His head hung so low but I could feel him supporting himself.
"Fuck you, North!" I heard my brother shout as mom tried to take him upstairs. "I love her! Bakit siya pa?"
"Shh! Zoren!" saway ni mommy sa kanya na mahipit ang hawak sa handrail ng hagdanan namin. "Behave!"
It was a miracle that we got to carry the boys upstairs. Mom took Kuya Zoren inside his room while I took North to the guest room that he always used whenever he was sleeping in the house.
Maingat ko siyang inilapag sa kama. His feet were dangling on the floor kaya inayos ko ang paghiga niya. Tinanggal ko rin ang sapatos at medyas niya.
I sat down on the side of the bed after trying to catch my breath. Gosh...ngayon lang yata ako napagod nang ganito. I'd never carried anything heavy before kaya pagod na pagod ako!
But it was okay...it was North naman. The man I loved.
I looked at North who was peacefully sleeping on the bed. I sighed. I should let him sleep comfortably kaya sinubukan kong alisin ang coat na suot niya. At sobrang hirap hubaran ng damit ang taong natutulog!
I still somehow managed to take off his coat. Tinitigan ko ang mukha niya pagkatapos, wondering how a man could be as beautifully handsome as him.
I stared at his thick eyebrows down to his closed eyes. Hindi pa lumilipas ang twenty-four hours but I already missed his dark eyes looking at me. I really liked it whenever he was looking at me. It felt like I could be at his world. Like I belong in his world.
Bumaba pa ang tingin ko sa matangos niyang ilong. I couldn't stop myself from tracing the bridge of his nose with my fingers. His eyebrows creased at my touch pero hindi naman dumilat ng mga mata. I smiled at his reaction.
My eyes went further down to his lips. Natigilan ako roon. Those lips that I kissed earlier, those warm and soft lips...
Bumalik ang tingin ko sa mukha ni North. He was still sleeping. Napatingin ulit ako sa mga labi niya at isang ideya ang pumasok sa isip ko.
Slowly, I bent down to close the distance of our faces, trying not to wake him up. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko habang unti-unting lumiliit ang distansya ng mga mukha namin. I could already smell his breath that made me feel intoxicated. Hindi naman ako yung uminom, pero bakit pakiramdam ko nalalasing din ako?
And when I finally felt his soft lips again, I almost cried from emotions.
I closed my eyes, trying to feel the softness and warmth of his lips. I did this too earlier. I kissed him a few hours ago pero pakiramdam ko, kahit gaano pa karaming beses na mahalikan ko siya, I would never get tired of kissing his lips.
Gosh, North...I'm really in love with you. Was it really not possible for you to fall in love with me too? Couldn't I really be your girlfriend?
I was about to pull away with the thought of him already having a girlfriend when I felt North move in his sleep. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa gulat nang maramdaman ang isang kamay niyang nasa batok ko, preventing me from pulling away from the kiss. Ang isang kamay niya ay lumapat sa likod ko at hinila ang katawan ko palapit sa kanya.
I looked at him. His eyes were still closed but I felt him moving his lips. Sinubukan kong itulak siya, thinking that he was still asleep but he just pulled me closer to him.
"North—" I tried to get away but he wouldn't let me.
"C'mon, Rylee...kiss me back," he whispered on my lips. His voice sounded so husky and deep.
He kissed me again. The feeling of him kissing me was so good that I couldn't help but close my eyes and kissed him back. This was what I wanted. Him kissing me. Him making me feel that he loved me.
He moved swiftly, at sa isang iglap lang ay nagkapalit na kami ng pwesto. I was laying on the bed while he was on top of me. He deepened the kiss. My arms went up and wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to me this time. A moan escaped from my mouth when I felt his tongue tracing the shape of my lips before he inserted it inside my mouth.
I was feeling out of breath as my hands softly pulled hair which earned me a moan from him. It sounded so good na halos magpabaliw sa akin.
North...
I felt him unbuttoning his top. Tinulungan ko pa siya sa paghuhubad pero ramdam ko lang ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko. I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I felt so happy and wanted to cry at the same time. I never thought that a moment like this would ever come.
Hinubad ni North ang pang-itaas niya at inihagis lang iyon sa kung saan. I got to see his perfect body. His broad shoulders, his chest and his six-pack abs. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga kamay kong haplusin ang matigas niyang katawan at narinig ko ang mahihina niyang pagmumura.
He started unbuttoning my pajama top and I just let him do everything he wanted. I surrendered myself to him. I was at his mercy.
In just a second, he completely removed my top. Bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ko, tracing circles on the way, making my skin crawl until he reached my breasts. I moaned so loudly when I felt his mouth cover one of my mounds while his hand massaged the other. His tongue played with my nipples that made my mind cloud with so much pleasure.
What the heck, North...what are you doing to me?
Ilang sandali niyang pinaglaruan ang dibdib ko gamit ang kamay at bibig niya bago muling bumaba ang halik niya papunta sa tiyan ko. I was already catching my breath. Hindi na ako makahinga nang maayos sa kiliting nararamdaman sa bawat halik niya.
I felt his hand reached the garter of my pajamas. Hinubad niya iyon until the only cloth that I was wearing was my underwear. I felt him reach for the garter too at nang tingnan ko siya ay nakita kong saktong hinuhubad niya iyon.
My back fell back on the bed. I couldn't look at North. I couldn't watch him. It was too much. Mas lalong naninindig ang mga balahibo kapag pinapanood lang siya sa mga ginagawa niya sa akin.
"Fuck, you're so beautiful..." he whispered that almost made me cry.
I felt him caressing my left thigh with his warm hand at halos mapasigaw ako sa gulat nang maramdaman ko ang paghalik niya sa kabilang hita ko. He kissed my inner thigh and I couldn't help but clutch the bedsheet, hoping to find a support from the overwhelming pleasure.
"North..."
"Look at me, Rylee."
I shook my head. Even his voice felt so good to hear. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko na makakayanan kapag tiningnan ko pa siya.
"Look at me, Rylee..." ulit niya.
I did what he wanted. Bahagya akong bumangon sa higaan para makita siya, using my elbows as support. I gasped when I saw him in between my legs. His dark eyes were looking intensely at me. His stare was mixed with lust and so much emotions I couldn't even name but it was enough sent shivers down my spine.
He slowly lowered his head. My heart hammered with so much anticipation. His breath was already fanning my skin at pigil na pigil ang pagpapakawala ko ng ungol sa lalamunan ko. But when I felt his lips kissing that part of my body that nobody had ever touched before, I felt like I was about to go crazy.
Napabalik ako sa pagkakahiga at napakapit nang mahigpit sa bedsheet ng kama sa magkabilang gilid ko. North was licking and kissing my core. Damang-dama ko ang ginagawa niya sa kaselanan ko na halos magpabaliw na sa akin ngayon.
"North...oh, please..." I didn't even know what I was pleading for.
I could feel something building inside my tummy the longer North continued what he was doing to me. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko sa pagpipigil ng ungol. I was pushing North away as I felt like something wanted to come out from my body, but North continued what he was doing.
"Oh, shit—North!"
My body convulsed when I reached my peak. Tinakpan ko ng mga kamay ko ang bibig ko sa pagpipigil na sumigaw. North drank all my juices and didn't leave even a drop behind.
I was still catching my breath when he crawled on top of me and kissed me. I moaned when I tasted something in his mouth and realized that it was my juice. The thought of it just added pleasure in me.
North stopped kissing me and positioned himself on top of me. He was looking down at me. His dark eyes looked so much darker with so much pleasure and lust in them.
The sight of him on top of me was too much. I just wanted to cry and watch him pero napapikit ako nang maramdaman ang sakit na parang may napupunit sa loob ko. I held onto his shoulders and my nails dug in his skin as I sobbed because of the pain.
"Shh, baby..." bulong ni North sa tainga ko na parang inaalo ako.
I sobbed harder when I heard what he just called me. Oh my gosh. He just called me his baby. North was even making love with me...right? This was just the happiest day of my life.
Slowly, I felt him entering his manhood inside of me. Tiniis ko ang sakit at mariin kong kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi ko para hindi makawala ang mga hikbi.
North must've felt that as he kissed my cheeks before he claimed my mouth like he was trying to kiss the pain away. We kissed until I finally relaxed, and when he realized that I was ready, he started thrusting his hips.
"North..." ungol ko at sinabayan ang paggalaw niya.
"Fuck, baby. You feel so incredible," he hissed and started moving his hips, faster this time.
Hindi ko na kayang pigilan na pakawalan ang mga ungol ko kaya tinakpan ko na lang ng mga kamay ko ang bibig ko para ipitin ang tunog. North was moving on top of me, thrusting his hips as his muscles flexed with every thrust he made.
I started sweating bullets and I felt that familiar feeling building in my tummy again. Mas lalong lumakas ang ungol ko dahil doon. North held my waist and I felt his fingers digging in my skin at mas lalo pang bumilis ang paggalaw niya.
I almost screamed and moaned longer this time when I felt my release again. North thrusted his hips faster than ever at naririnig ko din ang mahihinang ungol na pinapakawalan niya until I heard him groan and felt his body shake as he shot his warm loads inside of me.
Hinihingal na bumagsak siya sa ibabaw ko. He buried his face on my neck as we both tried to catch our breath. I hugged him tight and planted a kiss on his hair as I whispered, "I love you so much, North."
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