Samwol
March 27th.
The weather gradually became warmer. When the sunlight of March penetrated through the chill of spring and spread its warmth for the first time, Lisa finally got up from the sofa.
Jennie watched as Lisa slowly made her way to the terrace. She took a deep breath in the morning wind. The cold wind had a trace of warmth as it ruffled her hair. She looked as beautiful, elegant, stylish, and moving as before.
She turned her head to look at Jennie. Her face showed somewhat of a dream-like smile, but her words were bone-chilling, "Irene isn't dead. I know it."
She smiled too brilliantly. I didn't know what she fantasized about that made her so happy, but she didn't realize Jennie's expression instantly filled with sadness and horror when she heard her strange words.
Lisa finally returned back to normal. She was no longer depressed, but she wasn't especially happy either. Instead, she reverted back to the person I was familiar with for the ten years I was by her side. The person with extreme indifference and calmness. She worked normally, sang normally, and ate normally.
But the concern on Jennie's face increased each passing day.
This extremely sudden and strange normalcy caused a chill in our hearts.
She no longer mentioned the words "Irene", as if I had never existed in her life.
Nevertheless, that didn't mean her conclusion of "Irene isn't dead" never existed.
Just because she didn't mention it didn't mean that her overly normal life to the point of being abnormal was ought to be.
Afterwards, Jennie couldn't help but take the risk of upsetting Lisa and asked, "Should we go and see Irene?"
I would like to see too. I wanted to know if Sehun had buried me somewhere magnificent.
If Sehun bought me a poor-looking grave, I definitely wouldn't forgive him.
Hearing Jennie's words, Lisa laughed, "What are we supposed to be seeing? How do we see? Did Sehun tell you which hospital she is at?"
Biting her lips, Jennie softly reminded her in fear, "Irene is already..."
Not letting Jennie finish her sentence, Lisa interrupted her coldly, "She's just holding a grudge against me. Once her anger subsides, she will come back. I know her."
Jennie looked at Lisa who displayed an expression of calm and didn't dare to speak again.
She was lying to herself, but she was doing it as if it was natural, as if she truly believed her own lie.
I couldn't help but worry as I watched Lisa escape from reality.
What happened afterward reinforced my worries. Lisa had actually bought an expensive diamond watch, saying that it was going to be my birthday present.
My birthday was in April. She never bought me any gifts before.
But that wasn't the point. She clearly knew that I was already dead.
Jennie was visibly frightened by Lisa's action. Lisa smiled as she looked at the prestigious watch shining brightly under the sun. Seeing this, Jennie couldn't help but tremble.
In the end, it was still Rosé who took over. Her face still showed the injury from before. However, she was probably unable to reject this task since it was Jennie who sought her for help.
"Irene committed suicide by cutting her wrist on the second day she moved out from your house." For the second time, she told Lisa clearly.
Lisa didn't jump at her like she did previously. Instead, she ignored Rosé like how she ignored me for the past ten years. Without saying a word, Lisa smiled as she fiddled with her watch.
Then she seemed to receive a sudden shock. Looking up, she asked Rosé impatiently, "Repeat what you just said. When did she commit suicide?"
Ecstasy could be seen shining through Lisa's eyes. Seeing her expression, I suddenly remembered that day.
"On the second day she moved out from your house. The 3rd of December."
Lisa's tense muscles quickly relaxed. She laughed strangely and finally felt relieved. She took in a deep breath, the expression on her face overflowed with a sense of ease.
"Indeed, you guys were lying to me." as she said Lisa's eyes shone proudly.
Rosé's body moved. She had the urge to come forward and punch Lisa, but she was stopped by Jennie.
"On the 28th of December, Irene had spent a night at my house. She took care of me and cooked for me." Lisa looked up, seemingly pleased. She stared fiercely at Rosé, as if she was showing off before her love rival.
"Bullshit." Grinding her teeth, Rosé stared back at her just as fiercely.
It was the dark and chaotic night when she was sick. It was the night that I was miraculously able to hug her one last time.
I felt thankful for god's pity, thankful for this unforgettable warmth that would forever be engraved in my mind even though it had dissipated.
But now it had tragically become Lisa's false hope. It was a night that shouldn't have occured.
Evidently, I was still stupid even after my death. I had once again done something I shouldn't have done.
This mistake would drive Lisa crazy and perhaps the people around her as well.
Fortunately, I was already dead. If I was still alive, everything would become messier with the way I did things. I really didn't understand the meaning of my existence.
My every action was a mistake even after my death.
After hearing what she had been wanting to hear, Lisa was no longer interested in dealing with Rosé. She stood up elegantly, and with a friendly smile on her face, walked toward Rosé, planning to ask her to leave.
Before sending Rosé off, Lisa suddenly thought of something.
Her expression became gentler. She said to Rosé with a smile, "Please help me tell Irene that I will be waiting for her. She waited for me for ten years. I will wait for her my entire life. Tell her that I will be waiting for her at home, that she can come back anytime she wants."
Looking at Lisa, a pained expression flashed across Rosé's face. But Lisa had already left with a smile.
When I looked back at Rosé, she was crying again.
As for me, my soul was almost torn apart by Lisa's cruel gentleness.
Wait for me? Lisa, you wish to wait for me?
Why are you so foolish from the beginning to the end?
For the past ten years, you've never noticed my worth. Now you are saying that you will wait for me for your entire life.
Your entire life is still so long. There is still so much happiness left for you, just how much can I amount to?
You said that you will wait for me at home, that I can go back anytime I want.
However I can no longer go back.
I'm such a foolish person. I've made an irreversible mistake and can never ever go back again.
What should I do? I can no longer go back. I've taken the wrong path for far too long and have gone too far.
I can no longer see the pathway back.
It's too late. Far too late.
I'm really sorry.
It's already beyond hope.
I could only hope for Jennie to pull her back from the edge of the cliff.
"I've arranged for a psychiatrist on Sunday." At night, Jennie said to Lisa.
I was really grateful for Jennie's firm resolution.
She knew that Lisa hovered over the border of sanity and insanity and that it would be dire if she was left alone.
"Why should I see a psychiatrist for no reason?" Lisa smiled and absentmindedly continued fiddling with her watch.
"You're not normal." said Jennie.
"You're the one who isn't normal." Lisa smiled again while remaining distant like usual.
Jennie walked over. She stood before Lisa and looked at her calmly.
She was shorter than Lisa, wasn't as robust as Lisa, and was weaker than Lisa, but she had the courage we never had, the courage and determination that she would be able to overcome all obstacles to see the light and hope.
"Wake up. Irene is already dead."
Fortunately, Lisa didn't rage and do anything that she might have regretted doing in the future.
But it was horrifying instead. Contrary to the normal Lisa who was always cold and indifferent, she was abnormally gentle. Like a confused student asking the teacher a question.
"Why are all of you saying that she is dead?" Lisa looked at Jennie doubtfully and asked word by word.
"Lisa, please wake up." Jennie continued looking at her resolutely as tears filled her eyes.
"Don't cry." Lisa looked at her. With a gentle smile, she said, "But that's indeed a lie isn't it? Don't worry, I'm not crazy. That day, Irene cooked porridge for me and you ate it as well..."
"That's just your own imagination!" Jennie firmly grabbed hold of Lisa, her tears flowing like rain as she said.
"I don't know whether you were sleepwalking or just lying to yourself. I will tell you again. Irene is dead. She has committed suicide. She will never come back again, and she will never return to your side again–"
Jennie started bawling and hugged Lisa, causing Lisa to slide down to the floor.
"She isn't dead," she mumbled. "She came here before. Why do all of you not believe me..."
"Lisa, stop lying to yourself!" Jennie shook her head strongly. She gripped onto Lisa.
"If she really came, why was there no one around when I came back? Who else saw her other than you? Why didn't she stay? Why didn't she call a doctor for you?"
"She... I..."
"If she really came, how did she get in? She returned the keys to you, and you even changed your lock!"
"I... I must have forgotten to lock the door... And..." Lisa was unable to answer Jennie's barrage of questions. She hurriedly grabbed hold of her last straw of hope, "She clearly helped me bandage my wound. You saw it too. And the porridge..."
That porridge was a piece of evidence that I shouldn't have left behind.
"You probably made that yourself! Lisa, does it feel good to lie to yourself? Tell me!" Jennie was angered to the point of laughing.
Lisa replied, "No, it really was Irene..."
It was futile no matter how much Lisa explained. Because it was something impossible. In this world, there was only me, someone who could no longer speak up for her and prove that what she said was the truth.
But I would rather Lisa be convinced by Jennie now and think that it was just her dreaming.
If she accepted the fact that I was already dead, she could have a new start with Jennie. That would definitely be better than her lying to herself and causing everyone to be hurt.
"It's impossible for Irene to come. At that time, she was already gone. She will never come again. I beg you to stop dreaming!"
Jennie wouldn't believe in the evidence mentioned by Lisa. Someone's life and death wasn't a topic that could be joked about. Sehun and Rosé's affirmations were definitely more convincing than Lisa's insanity.
Lisa rebutted anxiously, "That's not true! It was definitely Irene. It was definitely her! It's already been ten years... I can tell it was Irene's cooking with just one taste..." She tried all she could to explain, even to the point of crying. She still looked at Jennie, confused as she asked, "She is clearly alive... why are all of you saying that she is dead..."
I couldn't watch this helpless misery any further.
I could feel all of Lisa's hesitation, agony, suffering, and misery. It was painful.
I was clearly right beside her. I could clearly see her pain and misery. Yet I was unable to help her lighten her burden. I wasn't able to stretch out my hand and help her wipe the tears away.
I could only silently watch as she suffered in pain because of me.
"Get up." Jennie suddenly wiped away her tears and stood up. She pulled Lisa up from the floor.
Pushing away her previous gloominess and sadness, she looked at Lisa resolutely. She stared into Lisa's eyes deeply.
"Irene is dead." She calmly stated the fact once again.
She was calm to the point of being cold and resolute, to the point of desperation.
She was no longer the tolerant, kind, gentle, and weak Jennie in the past few months. Her strength from the depths of her character radiated.
The strong, brave, and dazzling Jennie that I was so jealous and envious of was finally back.
Lisa shook her head. Only I knew that she wasn't lying to herself. Only I knew that she truly believed that I was alive. In addition, she wasn't believing blindly without any evidence.
But everyone else thought she was just being crazy.
Jennie suddenly hugged her. She hugged Lisa tightly and firmly, not letting Lisa have a chance to struggle.
Jennie spoke lightly by Lisa's ears, "Lisa, Lisa. Stop thinking about her. You still have me..."
Lisa stared blankly at a loss.
"You still have me. I'm always by your side." Jennie continued speaking unhurriedly and softly by Lisa's ears, as if she was hypnotizing Lisa.
I knew that she wasn't trying to hypnotize. That was Jennie's true heartfelt words.
She hid herself in one corner and secretly protected Lisa from the side. She willingly took the position of a friend, but that didn't mean she had given up.
She was waiting for Lisa to look back, waiting for her to come back.
She had been bearing with it for a very, very long time.
I could understand Jennie's action and that little bit of motive in her heart.
Because I was once just like her.
I was much more overbearing. Nevertheless, I was also waiting in one corner like a turtle for the past ten years. I was also waiting for Lisa to come back home.
How foolish. I just realized that we were all foolish.
Jennie shouldn't have taken this path.
—■—
2023 March 27th
#TheGreatestLalisaDay
#26EdelweissForLisa
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